What About Boys Live from NYC streamed to you!

In the year 2018 my graduating class at Naropa University was to put together a series of short plays detailing our own perspectives on the world around us. Led by Leigh Fondakowski (The Laramie Project, The Laramie Project: 10 years later, Spill, Stories from Jonestown) I was tasked with answering the question: "What if your truth was a fairytale and your fairytale was your truth?" This single question would be the catalyst into my writing a 30-minute play titled: What About Boys. What About Boys is my true story of growing up as a queer and closeted member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (Formerly called The Mormons). The play struck a profound chord in its audience members as they would come up each night asking me to please make it a full 2 act play. In 2019 I did just that. Working side by side with Nigel Knutzen What About Boys moved from a 30-minute short play to a 2-act autobiography but this time not only was my story being told but also the story of my 4th Great Grandma and guardian Angel Sarah Pippen Jolley.

I worked both day and night trying to write a show that helped build bridges of understanding between my two favorite groups of people. I had to walk a razor-thin tightrope by trying to be open and honest about my experiences so that others could learn from them but just as important I wanted both the queer community and members of "the church" (as it's commonly referred to in Utah) to be able to come together for a night of theater and learn laugh and cry together. I have taken such great care to not offend but to also not shy away from my personal experiences. I have broken bread with both sides of these groups many times as they listened to my words with open hearts and confirmed that not only were they not offended but that they just wish they could see it fully realized.

In the year 2020 Nigel (being the absolute stud he is) got 2 theaters interested enough for our show to be performed. I was on top of the world in January 2020 with 2 theaters locked in and my dreams of moving to Chicago rapidly approaching. Then this crazy thing happened. No longer would I be doing the show or moving to Chicago but instead I would be finishing my theater degree over Zoom and moving back into my parent's house in southern Utah.

For 2 years I would work tirelessly in the mental health care field working with children, teenagers, and adults who struggled with executive functioning and social skills. During my second week on the job, I met with a young person's family at their dinner table. I was very excited to help them in any way I could. For an icebreaker question, I asked the father to tell me something he loved about his child. He looked at his child and then into my eyes and said: "I can't tell you one thing I love about (that child)."

In that moment the man tethered my heart to this line of work. I didn't realize, in all my privilege of growing up in a loving household that children were sitting across dinner tables with parents who didn't love them. Putting on a play at that point seemed so trivial and unimportant. So off to work I went. I have been spit on, bitten, head butted, punched, and more but on days where I would get physically hurt I knew that at the end of the day, I could go home to parents who loved me. I couldn't stop working. I had to help. To my clients who struggle the most with no one in their corner who feel so alone, I would always ask them the same question: "Why did I come to work today?" They would usually say "you're just here for the money" or " I don't know!" So I would tell them: I came to work because I saw your name in my schedule and I believe in you. If my schedule had the name of someone I don't believe in I wouldn't show up. I am here because I believe in you."

Well after hearing myself tell young people "I believe in you" for so long I started to question how that interoperates with me and my dreams. My play was never given the chance to fail because I never got to put it on. I started to question: Do I believe in myself? As soon as I thought that I knew that I had to find a way to get this show produced. No more table reads, no more sitting in my living room with my friends reading. This play was not written to be read it was written to be performed. I have got to give it a chance! So imagine my absolute shock when my NYC-based friend Melissa Erickson reached out to me and said: "Let's do it here in New York City. We could rent a studio, find NYC actors and get it done."

At that moment (though she doesn't know it yet I guess until she reads this) she gave me a lifeline. You see on February 7th, 2023 as I drove home from work I called my mom and told her that for the past week, my suicidal ideation was getting worse and on that day I couldn't shake the thought away. As soon as my brain started thinking of "plans", I knew I needed help.

The crisis counselor told me that after hearing everything I had to say that I was the dictionary definition of "burnt out”. I left the hospital picked up by my father who set the radio to the broadway channel. For WHATEVER REASON they were playing the broadway Musical “A Year with Frog and Toad.” It was a show I knew well having worked as a dresser on the show back in my college days. Then the next song came on, it was another show I had done before, and then another, and another. I don’t know if you’ve ever had God speak to you through the radio and at this point neither did I. But after I got off the phone with my mom telling her the weird radio coincidence I said: “I think Heavenly Father is pushing me back to the theater.” It was a very emotional phone call and then I hung up. My dad was just pulling up to my apartment but I asked if we could wait to see what the next song was. My jaw put a dent into the concrete as Stephen Schwartz’s “On the right track” from his musical Pippin came over the airwaves. It was no longer a question. At that moment I received heavenly guidance to get back to work in the theater.

I just didn’t know it would be so soon! I sat down to tell my parents my the new opportunity placed before me and of course finances came up. Getting to NYC isn’t cheap but I know now with full confidence that I am being tested and am up to the task!!! I went home after talking with Mom and Dad and decided to just open a bible and see if anything jumped out at me. Hell if God is willing to communicate to me through a radio maybe I should give His book a chance, right? I opened the book to John: 14. Another little miracle. John 14 is the chapter that was quoted to me during conversion therapy but this time it was a different verse that my eyes stumbled across. “Ye believe in God, Believe also in me.” I have told young people for so many years that I believe in them but now it’s time to start reminding the man in the mirror of the same thing. The funds from this go fund me will be used for travel expenses (airfare, food, lodging) rental equipment (theater space, cameras, lights) as well as publicity (posters, signs, etc) Along with attending a writer's symposium in Cape May New Jersey. I have put a lot of work into helping those that are less fortunate than I am by asking them: “Why did I show up to work today?” So now, you know my story, you know what I’m up against. I want to pose a different question to you: “Why did you show up to this go fund me today?