#Botched tummy and soul...

I’m 42 years old
My name is luiza from east London
-mum of 7 y old son
-and 25 y old doughter
/working as a babysitter and cleaner.

My story begin from 2016 y when I went to
India for tummy tuck.
I had lots of loose skin after my pregnancy and struggled from ,,extra fat,, which didn’t want to go away, no matter how much I was focusing on right diet and visited gym 5 days a week.
I couldn’t never afford paying average of
£9000 for :
tummy tuck £5000 plus I was told extra
another £3-4000 for liposuction,
I started research in internet for other option rather then Halley Street.

I realised after having few appointments in few different cosmetic clinics, most of the dr’s 
names was foreign, Asian names .
That was a beginning of idea of looking for  
solution surgery abroad.

 Very soon as I started being excited and sendemail to ,, medical tourism websites ,,
I received respond , approx price after they
seen my photos, 
had to chose hospital and suitable area from 
few top one suggested.

I spoken to my greatest friend and my 
friend’s landlord who was indian and he told me about his good experience having eye operation in India , even he as a moneyed here, he said it was no point pay 5 times more in 
central London just cose it’s cost of famous
adress and brand name,
saying ,, indian dr here or there , same thing , only paying here for brand name,,

he was going India so soon and offered me go at same time and offered support which was amazing and from that side of my trip to indiain Punjab I have best precious memories.

Clinics and dr was looking decent even the 
area was so poor and homeless sleept on the rd sharing place with other homeless dogs
and cows , all looking for food at same

rubbish

almost outside the clinic,
burning rubbish on the street almost every 
couple of metres, was so hard to take a 
breath
i was told to cover my mouth by scarf when
walking outside
the smell and pollution was so disturbing 
when I asked what it is
someone told me half joking/ half seriouse
there near by the hospital was place where 
death bodies are burn on faire , that’s Sikh culture 

-I was told that’s all normal in many places in 
whole india
So I was so scare and though o my God
im must be mad , what I’m I doing in end of
the world going to let myself get cut under
the knife.
i had lots of or even most of my friends in east
London was Indians
 loved them for friendly clean heart
hospitality and food while many parties in 
,, next door houses ,,
so i was so comfortable about going to their 
country
, wearing indian suit to melt with crowd or
eat lovely spicy food.
but not much there was like I knew in here.
in fact I have to admitt
no one never ever disrespected me , touch 
me , however no one didn’t smile as well .
a part from business places like that priv
clinic  having own nice room no shared,
own tv,bathroom, nurse sleep in my room
every night, lady cleaning floors from dust every h
or dentist place or
beauty salon , cab driver , I was treated vip
,  uk customer,,
but in public places , on the rd, buss, ricksha 
people was looking at me like if I was a ghost, some was like to be scare seeing me
blond hair, white ghost.

any way
if I had Asian or black neighbor in Poland in my childhood a 30-35 years ago
i would be shocked too.

but main thing is I didn’t got any infection andreturned safe to uk

However/
dr who I seen his profile after my reserch
hw had wild profile rich of experience.
even linked with london 
very famous plastics surgeon specifically on
kids face reconstruction surgeries.
/ I have photos me with him as a proff for
evidence/
I thought if he can do face , he can do tummy 
lose skinn cut off too.

he assured me I’m gonna have ,, smiley shape scar on bikini line,,
I told him how much that lose hinging ,, bag,,
stopped me from wearing dresses and going holidays or even wearing 2 piece bikini in my garden, unless I’m on my own.
 That was whole idea to take risk and long
distance journey, cose I was desperate to freemyself .
He promised scar on bikini line
and tighten muscles.
/i got all photos before and after/
I never even for a bit had chance to enjoy newshape.
after operation Ofcourse I was swollen 
but was told
it will be great after heal
i had drenages - few tiny tubes coming out from my tummy drained out extra blood and other unwanted liquids 
I was in horrible pain I guess it’s usual after tummy tuck and liposuction abdominal and bk

but my pain was healed comforted by
friendly very supportive staff 24 h with me
had all necessary medicines , food.
i stayed 1 week in hospital,and total 
bill as agreed was £2000
after 1 week in hospital 
that’s was so encouraging for going there .

after 1 week I was allowed to go 
but had to stay around 1 more week
was not possible to take 9 h flying having so much deep cutted muscles and other body tissues, stiches and couldn’t seat for long time 
or walk
 I stayed in my friend that old ,, unckle ,, housefor a week
souranded by his tenants living in his properties 
looking after me , I started geting bk on feet little bit
abd even start taking taxi going to see town and bazar, seem Golden Temple  in Amritsar

Whole trip was nice and new positive experience in deed .
i wish I visit again
but only as a traveler, not going under the
knife !

nearly couple of days before fly bk
i went to same dr to remove stiches
and got tight elastic gormet to wear during
the journey and after as well 
I did ask dr that my scar doesn’t look like
smiley bikini  scar 
but dr said :
,,well
i was hope and planning to do
but during the operation I was found not
possible to do,,
to me it was done too simple like big famous 
surgeon after years of practice could never do that way
i did ask and reserve right to request I want
him and him only to do this, and was
promised it will be him.

he said. Not to worry
lets wait for afte healing process end
and if anything, I’m welcome to comebk for
ree touch.
ohh
what??

I was told all is good .
Straight after I was bk to London 
since I was opening my gormet to use healing spray on scar
i knew it’s nothing right and not what meant
to be 
since I open the gormet and sweal was end
all was looks like collapsed 
still some lose skin
tummy never looked flatter like after muscle repair during the full tummy tuck should be
no matter what and how dr would exuse
I was hope I will go bk to gym abd will
improve easier since empty bag of loose skin not hunging
but the scar was so bad.
abd there was nothing I could do to enjoy my new tummy look.
i did go gym for next couple years
since I healed but my muscles never
cooperate , no matter if I survive on veggies and water 7 days a week and go gym 5 days a week when kids in school 
i do feel good
but it’s not and never fix my lose 
miss shaped botched tummy.
i was shy show up in bikinnny after having
a baby 
went to india
now it’s 7 years since I had baby
and over 3 years after surgety
and I’m  still hiding under my skinn
i don’t plann and always reduce join friends on holidays
and even when I have sex, I make sure is no
light on
if I got no little candle at home to run bit of
soft light ,then I can’t enjoy my sexual life cose I’m so embarrassed.
for woman is so depressing if I can’t let my mam to see me never naked , or wear always longer tops and whole wordrobe is only full up with tunicks king bigger  unisex t shirts and leggings .
i can’t wear no dress.

i know some ladies are 5 times size bigger then me
size plus
or bbw and they are so sexy and beautiful andhappy in their sexuality, because they have allbody proportions matched with whole body shape .
my problem is I look like spider 
 
tummy shape is completely in proportional acacording to my whole body shape
and that ,, xmass tree shape,, scar.

as a younger lady I was loved show off
looking sexy, I’m that kind of woman who entenjoy being visible, not bad way
im ambitious, and I know it’s not just the look
but I love singing for people
i tried for X factor 
but was told ,, we love your voice , but you arenot ready, not confident,,
I can’t presented myself ,, wow,,!
all I can wear is size bigger lose toop and
leggings 
instead of relax and put focuse on singing
audition,
I pull inn deep breath trying flat tummy cose always and every where people asking me if I’m pregnant.
i can’t get job ad a sale assistant in nice
decent shop or in restaurant 
or I have courage for singing competition 
cose who want to start deal or build career
with pregnant woman who gonna have baby
soon and won’t be available ?
even I’m not accualy pregnant.
its like endless stigma :-(
I stoped having a dreams of singing
or having sex on day light
morning sex most desirable in past it’s like
Deep faaar memories...
I accepted I’m gonna always work as a
cleanner and even I know no job is bad 
rather then stealing 
but I was so much hope I’m gonna achieve many desirable dreams for my kids to see proud in their eyes.
 Now I feel like a loser.
i can’t get good job
oe sing for people cose Im not happy with my look
my relation with my man not so great cose as I’m not excited of going golidays
he continues his trips with others...
time is running out
and I wish I could do right mommy make over
to lift up, fill up and pull up what ever is

needed to feel like I can still be me and smile again
feel my value and be visible, desirable and 
throw away in the been all unisex t shirts
i want be a me, be a woman again !