Reclaiming My Best Self

For some transgender people, myself included, Hormome Replacement Therapy is life saving medical treatment. Before transitioning, I was poised to waste my entire life. I had no long term goals. I had no vision of what I would look like or who I would be in 10-15 years. My life planning ended when my currently due bills were covered with a little money leftover to keep me entertained. All this changed once I accepted myself as transgender and began the process of coming out.

After picking a new name (Violet, in case you didn't already know), building a new wardrobe, and growing my hair out a little, I made plans to begin HRT but had to wait a few months for insurance to start. At this point it was the most long term plan I had made in my life. 90 days. It felt like an eternity but I finally made it to my appointment and received my prescriptions. Over the next few weeks I experienced a dramatic change in brain function. My thoughts were more organized, I was able to focus and follow through on tasks, and I was more in tune with my emotions and their cause than ever before. It was like finally hearing music on a radio station after a lifetime of static on the airwaves.

After months of treatment my old self was nearly unrecognizable compared to the new in almost every sense. I liked who I saw in the mirror, and loved who she, I, had grown into. A woman that was active in her community, held time and space for loved ones, worked hard, and was forming long term career plans.

I had been on HRT and living as my authentic self for over a year at this point. I met with a therapist, whom confirmed that I was of sound mind and that the gender affirming surgeries I was seeking were in my best interest. I was familiar with my options. I knew all of the risks and benefits. I had my short list of surgeons I wanted to consult with. That surgery was the final frontier for my transition goals. Sadly, it was not meant to be.

I lost my job, and my health insurance, before I could meet with the surgeons for consultations. The money I had been saving and counting on for surgery and living expenses during recovery became my emergency fund. It kept me housed and on HRT until I could find another job. I ended up finding two part time jobs and working six to seven days a week for months. The pay wasn't as high as my old job but I was able to maintain the body and brain I had fought so hard to gain.

I admit that I struggled with some aspects of one of my new jobs because those aspects were completely new to me. I gave it my best and tried to adapt. In my final review for that job I was told that there had been noticeable improvement in the areas I had been struggling with. To my surprise, I was fired less than a month later. Soon after that I had to choose between having food in the house or picking up my next HRT refill.

I began Hormone Replacement Therapy on March 5, 2020 and had to stop on December 9, 2022.

Since the loss of my health care I have seen almost all of the progress from those nearly 3 years on hormones disappear. My brain function has returned to the static I knew before. I feel worse now than I ever did before HRT because now I know what I'm missing.

I've been trying to find gainful employment and supplementing my income with odd jobs in my community. It hasn't been enough to get back on HRT. Being stuck in this state of regression is not sustainable. I need to get my life back.

Resuming HRT will put me in a much better state of mind and make me feel more confident. I scheduled an appointment to resume HRT on September 27th, 2023. I can probably pay for the office visit myself, but I don't know how I will pay for the prescriptions.

I've started this gofundme campaign to help me get back and stay on HRT. I want to become a functional and independent person again. I want to present my best self at job interviews and in my personal life. The funds raised here will be used to cover out of pocket expenses for office visits and prescriptions until I secure employment that allows me to cover my bills and health care, with or without insurance.

Once I am able to pay for my own healthcare again, any remaining funds from this campaign will be used to first address medical debt from an ER visit in November of 2021 and my unpaid lab fees. The next priority will be covering the cost of my surgery and recovery as soon as I become eligible again. All remaining funds will be donated to Trans Lifeline after that.

Thank you for taking the time to learn my story. I never would have made it half as far without the wonderful support system that has surrounded me on this journey. If you have been a part of my support system already, I can not express enough gratitude for the ways you've helped along the way. Whether you know me already or decide to become a part of my support system by contributing here, I have a promise for you. I will never allow myself to fall this far again.

[UPDATE 1: I'm absolutely floored with the support this has received in the first 48 hours. Tears of joy are continuously streaming now that I know the first steps of this journey are within reach. Thank you all! Once I've met with my new healthcare provider I will provide another update estimates for my treatment and other health care goals.]