Operation: help Caro yeet the teet!

Hi! my name is Caro, I am almost 26 years old and I am Non-binary. I came out as Non-binary back in October of 2022 after almost 4 months of internal debate and deliberations; and after another 5ish months of deliberation after that I decided that I also want to get top surgery to be able to feel more comfortable in this amalgamation of stardust that I call my body.

As a kid I grew up southern baptist Christian, I never really worried about boy vs girl because I was me. I called myself a tomboy; I never felt like I was girly enough, cut to 10 years old and after seeing my nips poking through my shirt my mom made me start wearing bras. I absolutely hated them, I hated not being able to wrestle with my dad anymore because “I was a young woman” and that wasn’t appropriate. Puberty happened and suddenly things got way more black and white, I stopped being allowed to do things because they were inappropriate for a young lady.

At 12 my mom started forcing me to wear skirts to church, or I got grounded for the week. I was never one for skirts to begin, so being forced to wear knee to ankle length skirts to church was probably the first time I can look back and go “yeah that was me feeling dysphoric”. My go to outfit was camo cargo pants and a taekwondo t-shirt! At that age I was already pushing back against my uber religious parents, so getting in trouble for skirts didn’t faze me. From skirts to full faces of makeup (I was told I couldn’t just do one thing, it had to be everything from foundation to eyeshadow) my mom tried with every fiber in her being to make me a girly girl but it never really worked.

At that age I was unique in my family among the “women”. I had a very small chest compared to the rest of my mom’s side of the family, I was not happy about it. As an adult now I can start to piece together why my thoughts were that way at that age. I thought maybe if I had a larger chest I’d be more girly, I’d fit in better with my family (I was always the black sheep, even then). Maybe I’d be more like my mom like she wanted, instead of my cousin always jokingly called her “real daughter”.

At 20 years old I hit “second puberty”, I went from a B cup to a DD in like 6 months. I was so excited, this time of my life spawned one of my fave pictures of myself, but subconsciously I still wasn’t happy. Even living with my family during that time and finally feeling like I “looked” like my mom and her side of the family, I still wasn’t happy. I got into a straight relationship around that time and looking back, I genuinely feel like I was still trying to get my parent’s approval. Trying to find a GUY my parents liked, do semi sorta what my parents wanted me to do (more like I lived under their roof which meant their rules).

Four years later and a lot had happened. From leaving my husband and having to move back in with my parents AGAIN, to finding a sweet guy and adopting a cat while living around my family. I still wasn’t able to fully be myself, living around my family was religiously toxic and heteronormative. Everyone knew I wasn’t straight, but I couldn’t do/say/act/dress anywhere near non straight around them. I decided to move back up to Alaska, I moved in with my best friend (who I’ve dated before and am dating again) and her roommate. Finally being in a comfortable environment that allowed me to grow also allowed me to fully figure out who I was. Who I’ve always been.

I had questioned my gender as a freshman in high school, I was in a Burlington coat factory with a friend who really opened my eyes. She wanted to be a sex Ed teacher when she grew up, and to my little sheltered ass, she was my link to a healthy view about sex and bodily autonomy. I threw a question into the air between us as we browsed literal lingerie. “What if I’m trans? What if I’m actually a guy? I’ve never felt like a girl anyway.” She asked me some questions, I don’t really recall them now but it was along the lines of the average “Do you feel like a guy?”, “Do you wanna go by he/him?”, and “Would you rather have a penis?”. The guy and the penis part didn’t resonate, but I look back and to be honest felt shame with the pronoun question.

At that point in my life I had never even HEARD the words non binary let alone knew what it was, but even as a kid and a teen I knew I didn’t “feel” like a girl. Unfortunately while I am comfortable with who I am as a person, I am not comfortable in this body…. I have the body of a woman; while I don’t plan on doing much past the top surgery, I genuinely feel like to be comfortable in MY body I need to have my feminine chest removed. It gives me the most dysphoria in my day to day.

Unfortunately, due to the loss of my most recent job (disability discrimination sadly) , and a huge pay-cut with my current job, it’s been difficult to put back savings for such an expensive and invasive operation. Coupling with the fact that the only insurance in Alaska that covers gender affirming care is blue cross blue shield, it’s a daunting task to raise the amount of money I will need to cover the expenses. After my 90 days at this current job I will be enrolled into their blue cross blue shield plan, so there is a chance that I will possibly be able to cover at least the surgery itself. Although, I am still looking for a different job due to the pay-cut as well the customer-base is not incredibly gender affirming/tolerant. Due to the way I was raised, it’s incredibly hard for me to write and post all of this… but this is something that I will overcome fear and shame for, because it’s ok to ask for help.

Thank you for taking the time to read about me and my story, if you’re able to all donations help. No donation is too small and if you aren’t able to donate then please share my page to help me get my story out.

Help a queer out, HELP ME YEET THE TEET!

Below is the cost breakdown for the budget, list of supplies, and prep work that needs to be done

FUNDS NEEDED: $33,180

GOFUNDME 5% cost: $1,659

OVERALL COSTS: $34,839

Things needed supplies wise

Things needed prep wise