NLB Admission Fee,Paying it forward
My name is Tyler Browning, I'm currently an intern at No Longer Bound, a 12 month regeneration program for adult males who struggle with drug and alcohol issues. My main goal for this service project is to be able to raise the funding for a man who can't afford the fee to come in on a scholarship. I want to give someone the opportunity to experience the freedom I have here at NLB, NO STRINGS ATTACHED, completely anonymous, pay it forward giving. Let me start off by sharing a little bit of my story... My journey with No Longer Bound started in 2014. I was freshly 21 and exhausted. I’d spent my entire life running. Running to things I thought would fix my pain and running as hard as I could from things I thought would cause me more. I felt alone, confused, hopeless, lost.. I knew I needed change, I wanted it. I was tired of living my life feaning for a fix, pacifying perceived needs using anything and anyone I could. This being my first time in treatment I had NO clue what I was getting myself into. I had no idea how painful the actual healing process was going to be, how scary everything I needed to face was. I grew up a strong-willed kid, I learned to adapt to every situation to avoid at all costs hurting and still receiving a positive outcome for myself. I treated No Longer Bound the same and unfortunately, something I’d used my entire life to my advantage was my biggest downfall here. Not because I didn’t graduate, because I did, but because I hadn’t fully surrendered to how sick I truly was. I wanted to continue to play God, wanted to hold onto any form of control I had left. I left things out of my first program out of fear of rejection. I lied to save face and avoid letting the real me out. I thought somehow, I could go through the program, deal with 95% of my crap and keep the 5% in my pocket to pull out later and deal with myself. FALSE. Don’t get me wrong, I got a TON of healing my first time. I developed a relationship with God that I know if I didn’t have after I went back out that I wouldn’t be here. I found forgiveness for thing’s I never thought I could forgive or be forgiven for. Everything looked great but on the inside, that 5% was slowly but surely rotting me. I did well for a few months, everything was seemingly great. Until that 5% crept up and everything came crumbling down. Insecurity, unworthiness, unlovable, these were the beliefs that that 5% created. I eventually relapsed and this is where my hard journey really began. My life spiraled out of control, I pushed everyone away, began to live a dark and reckless life, running. I knew in the back of my mind I had to come back and eventually, I did.. Cool, end of story, came back did things the right way and received my healing, right? Nah. I ran, again. Harder than ever, did things I never thought I’d do to feel loved. Love from a chemical was all I felt I had left so I ran harder to it and harder away from everything and everyone else. I found myself truly at the bottom. I’d pushed away the love of my life, pushed away my family, was sleeping in the woods, suicidal and eventually having to go to a homeless shelter. Lucky for me, God didn’t give up on me. No matter how far I ran, how hard I ran, he came after me. He chased after me with his voice in my head and the voice of a few relationships I had made here over the years. I came in this time cold, shut down, dead but deep inside me there was still life. I could hear God’s voice telling me my worth. I knew coming in this time I was going to have to be brave and run towards the pain. I did. I still am. I feel more peace, freedom, worth and love than I ever have in my entire life. I was let in at no cost to me, anonymously twice now, because God spoke to someone's heart and told them to give me a scholarship. When trying to figure out what I wanted to do for my service project, God did the same. I want to raise the funds for a man to have the same opportunity I was given, No Strings Attached, anonymous giving. For me personally, I can't put into words the amount of love I felt from it and I look forward to the amount of love I'm going to witness in giving someone else the same opportunity.
