And so began the process of coming to terms with the fact that I have cancer, and learning things I never thought I'd have to learn about and beginning the fight to survive.
After seeing some friends and family members go through the treatment, I used to think I wouldn't go that route, but here I am, throwing my hat into the ring. I have a lot of faith in my oncologist/hematologist, my radiologist, and my surgeon. They have assured me that this is treatable, and I could be looking at a good quality of life and a normal length of life.
I am currently going for radiation treatments daily and taking chemotherapy daily as well. The plan is to do that, to shrink the tumor and then into surgery to remove it as well as the spot on my liver at the same time, with more chemo along the way.
My independence is a large part of who I am, and I really hate to ask for help, but that time has come. I have insurance, but I am finding out that nothing is as it seems. As many can relate to, I have always dealt with high premiums, but there is also the high deductible, and the surprisingly high "coinsurance", which is basically another deductible. Worst of all, after meeting all these limits for 2017, they will all need to be met again, and reset for 2018, before the insurance even kicks in.
It's hard to say which is the killer: Cancer, the treatments, or the stress of receiving multiple bills from multiple places and finding out how much coverage you actually don't have. Your help can ease some of that stress and I have heard from so many people that state of mind is so important for me right now. And even a small donation is actually a big deal to me.
I am doing what the doctors tell me, and I am exercising, as I always have, and going about the business of living. I am still working, because while my job as a magician may not be important, it's important to me. And what's interesting is that before a show, I can feel myself in pain, and my mind starts to wander to places it shouldn't. But during the show, I see the audience smile, and laugh, and looking amazed. My job is to make the audience forget their cares, and get caught up in wonder and laughter, but now I see that the audience is helping me to do the same. And I finish the shows with a big smile on my face. For that, I am grateful.
I guess you never know what will happen. This experience has reminded me to live life moving forward. It's precisely that fact that we don't know what the future holds, that we should not squander our time and potential. The time for living and loving is right now.
My plan is to make this cancer disappear and then to pay it forward by way of helping others and donating performances to people and organizations who help people in similar situations.
Thank you for whatever you can do to help. I know your kindness will melt my heart and even as I write this, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of indebtedness and gratitude.
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