As some of you know, Chas and I were expecting our 3rd baby this coming November. Everything was going good with this pregnancy. I had my normal morning sickness and cravings. At my appointments we were always told that the babies heartbeat was very stong and everything was fine. I took a quad screen at my 16 week appointment which tests for down syndrome or neural defects. A couple of weeks after taking the test, I received a call from one of my midwives. She told me that my test came back positive for a neural tube defect for spinal bifida. Which means that baby may have an opening in the spine somewhere and I will need to be seen at a high risk clinic to do an ultrasound. She told me that in most cases a lot of women have positive results and once they go to the high risk clinic for further testing that their baby is fine and is a normal healthy baby. Although I was worried about my baby, it didnt really concern me because I had 2 healthy pregnancies prior and didnt have anyone in our families with this type of defect. At my 19 week appointment I was seen at the high risk clinic for further testing. I arrived with my mom and my 2 kids. The wait seemed forever, I just wanted to hurry and do my ultrasound, have them tell me that everything was fine and go on with my day. I went into the room and the tech was doing my ultrasound. She was showing me every part of the baby starting with the legs, feet, arms, hands, spine, heart and head last. I still didnt know what I was having, and she asked if I wanted to know. We found out that I was having another baby girl. Everything looked fine on the ultrasound, she left the room and went to grab the doctor. A few moments past and he came in, with the tech and this genetic counsler lady. The room became silent and I knew something was wrong already. He told me that my child did not have spinal bifida, and it seems that she had anencephaly which is another neural tube defect that affects the babies skull and head development. Meaning that it didnt properly form. He told me that this is a very lethal defect and that the possibility of her living after birth is not going to happen. 1 out of 10,000 women have this rare defect and it just sucks that we cant physically do anything to help her. Hearing this from them shattered me and also hearing what our options were after was devasting. We basically had 3 options which was to induce my labor to have her come out early, which means my insurance will not cover it and we will have to pay $9,000 out of pocket. Our next option was to have her sucked out of me (abortion) for $1,800 at a abortion clinic or to carry her to full term, if she makes it. We've decided that I will carry her to full term, I feel her moving in me and as long as she is attached to my umbilical cord she is living. I will cherish the next 5 months with her until we have to say goodbye. We are currently in Virginia due to Chas being in the military, and my ultimate wish for her is to be brought home to Hawaii after we cremate her. So we can have a beautiful memorial for my little princess with family and close friends. If we are able to, we want to donate her organs and hopefully save a baby that is in need. This year will be the hardest for us and the saddest, but I'm trying to stay strong for our kids. Thank you for taking the time reading this. Its easier for me to write what had happened within the past few weeks than to explain to people in person or over the phone.