Medical and Life Help for Jerry Herring

This is something I never really wanted to do but eventually it all became to much. And now I need the help in anyway I can get it. My name is Jerry and I have IBS, Diabetes, and Bipolar 2 Disorder. Over the past 2 years my life started falling apart as depression and anxiety started taking over my life. I was having anxiety attacks constantly almost on an every day basis. I was still trying to go to work but an incident at work where a customer assaulted me ended up with me leaving my job and locking myself in my apartment for 4 months. I got a new job and with in 2 weeks of working I started having anxiety attacks again and not being able to deal with it anymore I attempted suicide. This was October 2018 a few days after my 30th birthday. While in the hospital I was informed my Blood Sugar Level was 535 and was a few days away from a diabetic coma. At this point I was informed that I have Diabetes Type 2. After being released I ended up returning to my old job that I was assaulted at and was doing ok until the anxiety attacks started happening again and deep depression episodes that would keep my down for days begun. The doctor thought originally that my anxiety and depression was from the diabetes but after lowering my blood sugar levels and these episodes starting again we had to relook at everything. I took a leave of absence from work for a few months while we tried to figure it out and eventually was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder and was put on new meds that seemed to work. But with a new year I was told that I had a deductible and my bipolar meds were 250 dollars for a month supply. I was barely keeping my head above water money wise with Short Term Disability payments, selling stuff I owned, family helping with money, and my fiance paying a bigger part of the bills. While I was at work and found out about the 250 dollar price for my meds I had another anxiety attack. This is what I wrote on Facebook from that day while trying to process my feelings in hope to calm myself down. It didn't work.

"Typing this out to help me process. I went back to work. Got really sick for 4 or 5 days. Then I got a kidney stone. Came in to work today and was trying to get my bipolar meds because I ran out a few days ago but they pharmacy was saying I needed my new 2020 cards but I hadn't received anything in the mail. So they tried to do it today with me there but apparently I now have a deductible for my bipolar meds ( which I need to function) and what normally cost me 15 bucks a month is now 250 a month. I'm getting 5 pills for 50 bucks to last me until Monday when I can call my doctor. But I'm already out of whack because of the days missed and I had an anxiety attack and I'm sitting in my car trying to stop the OCD Thought that happens when you have bipolar 2. There is not focusing on other things to try and get your mind off of it. Its unstoppable until it decides it is done. Everytime I get back to a slight normal I am knocked back down by something. Im trying to get my life back together but the struggle is worse and worse. I havent said how bad it has been because I thought it was getting better but it's one thing after the other. Feeling like a failure every day because I cant function. It is to much but I keep trying for those around me in Hope's that I'll get back to stable. I'm typing this while having an anxiety attack and crying in my car in the parking lot of work. I can't afford my Bill's, my meds, or anything it seems. I'm so tired. Typing this isnt helping me like I thought it would so I'm gonna stop. Dont worry I dont plan on attempting suicide again. I will keep trying to get better. Goodbye and I hope your doing well.

What good is a fighting chance if you never pick up the gloves?"

So now I have come to this. I have some huge decisions to try and make about what I am going to in regards to my health and it scares me as I am looking at giving up the independence I have had for the past 10 years. I'm tired and scared and have spent the last year and a half feeling like a failure. I feel like I randomly have broken legs and no crutches. I have to crawl around. It's not every day. Some days I wake up with my legs working and some days I start the day with them broken. Sometimes I am doing just fine up walking and dancing and then something happens in my brain and my legs break unexpectedly ruining what good that day could of been. Its random and I never know when I will be able to walk or when I will have to crawl. At some point though you have to admit you need more help to fight and that is what I am doing. Some of you are friends, some of you know me from the retro gaming scene, and some of you know me from podcasting. I want to thank all of you who have been here for me during this time and know from what little I have shared publically about my struggle. The time has come now for me to make some hard choices and the first one is this. Help me in anyway you can in this battle and know I appreciate all of it. The money will go to helping with bills, medicine cost, doctors visits, and so forth. Thank you to everyone in advance and I hope one day to accept that while I will never return to the person I was a few years ago that I can find a new normal and learn to live with these conditions and become a functioning person again. Much love and know if you are struggling you are not alone. Reach out and ask for help even if it makes you feel certain ways inside. You have to keep pushing forward regardless of the setbacks. Once again thank you all.

With love,
Jerry Herring