Cancer Sucks

Hello friends. Last year my mama was diagnosed with squamous carcinoma. What started as a lump in her neck that grew and grew, she underwent 7 weeks of radiation and chemo to cure it. The combination of this had her in the hospital and she couldn’t finish chemo. After some time out of the hospital and horrible pain in her back, she finally got checked again and they found more cancer in her spine. They operated on her back a few days before Christmas to remove a tumor, but couldn’t get to some still in her spine. We thought we were gonna have her do more chemo and radiation to get the cancer out of her, but at a routine checkup and chemo appointment, the doctor gave us the terrible news. When it reoccurred from her neck to her spine, it became terminal and the chemo was just to prolong her life. After asking the doctor how long she had, she blantanly said about a year. Mama opted to not do chemo, as it made her severely sick, and to go home with my step dad and try some homeopathic therapy. Still in tons of pain, we decided to try and get her into the Mayo Clinic to chase any last hope down for a bottle of lightning. The day we were going to travel, she was out of sorts and had no idea what was going on, so we thought she was not fit for a road trip. We got her a hospice nurse instead. The hospice nurse said she believed my mom had about six months left. Since the radiation caused her to lose her taste buds and appetite, she had a food tube put in but continued to lose weight. She started at 130lbs and is now down to 96. A few weeks ago the hospice nurse took another look at her rapidly deteriorating health and said she had about two weeks to two months. Then the morning of my birthday, St. Patrick’s Day, she fell and broke her hip. Unable to operate, she now has to spend the rest of whatever time she has left in a care facility. 

You guys. This is the most difficult and terrible and terrifying thing I have ever been through and her as well. After watching me fight cancer, she now fights a losing battle. I don’t want to lose my mom. She is my best friend and such a wonderful ray of light, I’m terrified of the dark that’ll come when she leaves me. I wish that she could be at home but the best care for her now is at a care facility. My soul is literally being suffocated and I don’t know what to do.  This fundraiser is all I can think of to help with bills and the thing that comes at the end of life where people gather to celebrate life. I refuse to put that f word in this post. My hearts not ready for that yet.

Thank you all. 

Love and light.