Lift to a New Life

For as long as I can remember, I have been overweight. Most people's childhood is filled with fun memories of playing outside in the summer, swimming and laughing with friends. Sure I had some of that but for the majority of my childhood, adolescence and young adult life, I was severely overweight. The time that should have been spent playing with friends and enjoying myself was spent hiding out of sight because people made fun of me and my size. 

I started to gain weight when I was in 2nd grade and by the time I was in middle school, I was well over 200 lbs.  

I won't blame it all on others because you have to take responsibility for your own choices.  Did I always supersize my value meal at McDonald's? Yep. Did I always get an appetizer when we went out after a school function? You bet I did. Granted, in the 90's we didn't really have nutrition facts on food and it wasn't called out just how bad things were for you.  By the end of my High School Career and into College, I was upwards of 330lbs and a size 32 in woman's clothes. 

People would tell me to lose weight, and that it would be better for me but I never really understood nutrition and how it worked. Calories were not in my vocabulary.  In my teen years, I remember easily eating about 6 meals a day to my guess about 3,000 calories.  I always had the mindset that it wouldn't work for me so I didn't try it. 

My weight started to affect my daily life and activities. I couldn't enjoy going to a theme park with my friends because I didn't fit in the rides.  I was shopping in the men's department because back in the 90's/2000's there were no cute plus size stores. My self-esteem and confidence were extremely low but I hid it behind jokes about my size. I figured, if someone was going to make fun of me, I might as well beat them to the punchline. 

My weight stayed stagnant through the College, although I did manage to drop a bit with walking to class and around town. It wasn't until I lost my Grandmother in 2006 that my life started to turn around. I would give anything to have my Grandmother back, but I am so grateful for her because she gave me one last gift. The kick start I needed to get my life back on track and I will thank her for the rest of my life. 

After she passed, I stopped eating completely. I was so sick I couldn't fathom eating anything at all. Slowly I was able to add fruits, vegetables and light proteins back into my diet. I started to notice that weight was coming off when I was eating smaller and better foods. I realized that I didn't miss the soda, candy, fast food or any of it. I started to resent it because I finally realized what control it had over me and how much it affected my life. 

Over the next 6 years, I kept adjusting my diet by adding more things and removing others. I don't want to call it a diet because that would mean it has an ending in my mind. This was a total lifestyle change. Something that I can keep up the rest of my life. I have completely cut out fast food and soda from my diet and haven't eaten it in years, although I did swipe a Wendy's chicken nugget from Katherine on our road trip to New York :)

In total, I have lost over 185lbs on my own and I am down my goal weight of 150lbs. I am so extremely proud of myself and I have a hard time looking at pictures from when I was younger and seeing the same person.  I have maintained my current weight for about 2 years, give or take a few holiday pounds!

I feel good about myself and happy that I lost the weight but my self-esteem and confidence is actually worse than when I was heavy. 

When I was bigger, I looked big. Both in and out of clothes. I owned that plus size personality. Now, I am "average". I have had people tell me that I am "so skinny and tiny". I feel anything but. 

When I look in the mirror, all that hard work and changes I made in my life, don't reflect back at me. I see the fat girl still because no matter how much I work out, apply creams or any remedy, I still have the skin of a 330lbs person. 

I always said when I was heavier if I EVER lost all my weight, the only surgery I would electively have would be to remove my excess skin. I never thought that this time would come. 

I have been researching and consulting with dozens of plastic surgeons over the last 2 years. I finally decided on a surgeon here in Orlando that is one of the top surgeons in the state and I know I will be in good hands with. We have talked about my journey and my desires.  I am not looking to be a runway model or to reinvent my entire body. I simply want to remove the skin that hangs over 4 inches off of my body. The skin the prevents me from playing with my daughter.  The skin that holds me back from running, playing and really seeing the real me in the mirror.  

He completely understands what I want and we have decided that a lower body lift is the procedure that I need in order to remove the excess skin and prevent any additional issues that the excess skin is causing.  We estimate between 8 and 12lbs of skin will be removed during surgery. 

I am scheduled for my surgery on December 5th, 2018.  I will be off work for a few days, but then slowly I can add more activities back in. I will be unable to drive for about 2 weeks and will be on restrictions for 6 weeks. After that, I should be back to my old self, or close to it!

Most of you know me personally and know that it is extremely hard for me to ask for help besides a small 'can you pick me up on your way favor', in any way, shape or form. I don't like taking handouts and it is hard for me to NOT be doing something all of the time. However, this is something that I need to do for me. For my physical and mental well being. I need to be my best self. Not only for myself but for my daughter. This is my last step in my journey. 

Since this is done by a plastic surgeon insurance deems this a cosmetic procedure and will not cover it at all.  If you have ever seen anyone who has lost over 150lbs, you will know that this is not a cosmetic procedure.  It is the farthest thing from it. This is a medical necessity.  This is causing physical issues and effects, someone, emotionally as well. 

I am extremely fortunate to work for the most amazing company who takes such great care of their employees, both at work and outside of it. I currently work in Client Support for Ticketmaster and they have graciously offered to match any funds that I am able to raise 100%! 

I know that this is not the normal money raising thing, and some people may think it is silly or selfish or not understand it and that is totally okay. I know that not everyone will understand what it is like to not feel comfortable in your own body. To still see the ghost of the person you once were.  I just hope that you can support me in trying to be the best that I can be. 

If you would like to donate any amount to help me on my journey, whether it be $1 or $1,000 I would be forever grateful and so thankful. If you would prefer to donate your time and friendship, I would love that too! I will be looking for some company while I recover, or if you would like to come to spend time with Katherine, that would be equally as wonderful. 

Thank you for listening and for supporting me through this. I love and appreciate each of you more than you can ever know.