Help Jules get top surgery!

Beloved community. It's time! Tears run down my face as I write this to you. It's time! It's time! It's time! I am getting top surgery.

TLDR: Medical fatphobia means I have to pay out-of-pocket for top surgery- will you help me pay for it and make my dreams come true?

The longer story...For those who don't know, I began thinking about top surgery years ago. It would flit into my mind every once in a while, but I never let it linger too long- because as a fat person, most surgeons will not do this surgery for me. Instead of wanting something I felt like I couldn't have, I pushed it away. Pretended I did not want it.

Years of this. Years. Years of watching friends smaller than me get this surgery and while I was so happy for them, part of me raged. I tried to convince myself that my transness did not yearn for a different chest- that I could build home here as is. I rationalized and played mind games with myself- but the wanting grew stronger and clearer.

It started pouring out of me, first in whispers then in songs. The clarity kept coming- this is how I can become more home in my body. And oh, I want more home. I want to feel more of me. The more deeply I feel myself- the more I realize how hard it is to make a home in my chest. I stay far away from my chest. And I want to spend more time with my heart, you know?

Until 2022, my fear of navigating medical fatphobia loomed bigger than my discomfort in my skin. But the ground shifted- the more I let myself become myself, my discomfort in my skin became more scary and painful than my fear of fatphobic violence in doctor's offices. Thus began my year of reaching out to doctors, hearing "No" because of my BMI or making consultations with surgeons who "wouldn't say yes or no until they saw me." It crushed my spirit a bit, so I stopped.

My focus turned to other things- I cared for my dog Bubba through his death which took everything out of me. I let the dream of top surgery go, knowing eventually I would come back to it.

And I did. The wanting came back, and the clarity I needed to move forward. So I did the thing- I found the doctor with no BMI limits (!) with the good reviews from fat people (!!!!)- I went to go see him with my beloved Stokely at my side (whom I could not have gotten here without) and Dr. Costas told me "Oh yeah sure, we can do this." (!!!!!!!!!!)

Because of medical and insurance fatphobia- I need to pay out of pocket. I am inviting my community to help me pay for it. The surgery itself costs 22,000$ The extra thousand dollars I am fundraising will help cover transaction fees for GoFundMe.

10% of what I raise will go to supporting fundraisers for trans women of color and their surgeries. May we all get our needs and wants met. May all beings be free. May it be so.

I love you.