Jannette MacKinnon's 'Cancer Has a Silver Lining'
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Being diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago was a very scary time in my life. My extended maternal family has lost cousins, aunts, uncles, and even both of my parents in their battle with Cancer. So when I received this diagnosis, it certainly triggered some deep fears – oh no, not me too! Even the word itself carries such a heavy charge of fear and loss of control. It certainly stopped me in my tracks, and I simply shut down in fear of what might come next.
Yet it also has had so many Silver Linings that in the end I feel positively blessed by this experience. There were so many quirks, unexpected results, heart-felt connections, and deep changes that have come through this healing journey. I have been a world traveler and journeying for over 30 years, and that is why I choose to call this a journey. Full of discovery, exploring the unknown, and then meeting that unknown head-on to listen and learn what it has to teach me.
SILVER LINING #1
After treating these two raw and crunchy spots on the left side of my face with pharmaceutical treatments, holistic remedies, and lots of trying to just ignore them, I finally went to see a dermatologist. He took one look at these spots and very firmly announced “oh, those are cancer spots”. Yet they were basal cell and not melanoma – so while they were not life-threatening, they certainly were life altering. The first of those Silver Linings - I wasn’t going to die from this diagnosis. Can you imagine the relief when I learned that this was not melanoma given how many in my family have died from this diagnosis?
SILVER LINING #2
One spot was parallel to my left eye next to my hairline. The second spot was nestled in my hair, and also next to my hairline. Little did I know that where they were placed would prove to be a Silver Lining as it meant that the plastic surgeon could work on them together. For me, the spot on my face felt as though my mask had ripped off and I had been ripped open. I felt raw and vulnerable with that mask gone. The 2nd spot triggered something quite different. My hair is my greatest vanity, and this triggered a fear that I would be left with a large scar on the left side of my hairline – basically a hole in my hair that would never grow back. Oh, my beautiful hair. Friends who see my hair down have been heard to exclaim “oh, you have Goddess hair!”. I certainly wanted to keep those gorgeous locks.
SILVER LINING #3
At first it appeared that it would be a simple procedure done in the office of the dermatologist. But when I arrived the following week for this procedure, the spots had grown too much for this simple surgery – just in one week! While I am committed to a holistic approach to healing, this cancer proved to be too aggressive to take the time a holistic remedy might take. Surgery would not have been my first choice, but it was the best choice given how fast these spots were growing. Next Silver Lining was that I would need a larger and more invasive surgery. How could this be a Silver Lining you might ask? More about that very shortly.
SILVER LINING #4
Once the date was set for the surgery, I went into the dermatologist’s office a few days before to explain why I didn’t have the funds yet to make the full payment as he had asked. Next Silver Lining – he simply looked at me, and said “I trust you. The care of the patient is what is most important, and this cancer is growing too fast to reschedule while we wait for the funds to come in.” A doctor who focused on what is best for his patient first and foremost! So we went ahead with the surgery.
I didn’t have the funds to pay for this surgery and the after-care, as well as the treatments that will be needed later to address the many pre-cancer spots. Now that I know what to look for, I can see that I am covered in pre-cancer spots over my chest, upper arms, and upper back. For those, I will be focused on a more holistic approach to healing as I will have the time to make the changes to diet, health, and over-all well-being. This has been a very loud wake-up call to change, and I am listening and learning what I need to make a full recovery over time.
SILVER LINING #5
A beloved friend’s son, Matt, agreed to lend me the money so I could go ahead immediately to address this aggressive cancer. What an amazing Silver Lining he has been. When I told him about the diagnosis and what was needed, he simply said “tell me how much you need, and where to send it”. Matt is such an amazing human being, and now I must create the ways and means to repay his trust in me and his generosity in helping me finance the surgery I needed immediately.
SILVER LINING #6 and 7 – double lining
The surgery required going into the capital city for three days, and so I asked a dear friend if she would be my ‘Mama Bear’ and come with me as support through this scary procedure. Next Silver Lining, Tessa was the very best Mama Bear anyone could have asked for. She kept me safe, uplifted, and feeling so cared for. When I needed to return for the 2nd surgery two weeks later, her husband, Tim, was my ‘Papa Bear’. Taking care of the driving, and caring for me as I went in and when I came out of that 2nd surgery. Two Silver Linings that provided me with the loving care I needed so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything other than being ready and calm as I went under the knife.
SILVER LINING #8 – and a bonus!
The surgery turned out to be much simpler and smaller than expected. Yet another Silver Lining as the tumors proved to be much smaller than expected. Which means that the plastic surgeon changed his strategy. Rather than remove a patch of skin from another part of my body to create a ‘patch’, he simply pulled the two sides of the incision together. This resulted in the left side of my face being ‘lifted’. When I came out of the surgery, he announced that I should return in two weeks and he would do the same kind of ‘lift’ to the other side. Which is how I ended up with this bonus Silver Lining – a mini facelift – WOW!!! How does it get any better than that??!!
SILVER LINING #9
I live in a small community where we help each other when someone is in need. My dear friend, Brandi, organized a ‘Let’s Help Jannette’ Brigade. Friends brought in meals so I wouldn’t have to cook, stopped by for visits so I wouldn’t feel alone, and even brought over dogs so my fur buddy could have play-dates as I wasn’t taking him for his daily walks or very much quality time together. What a Silver Lining to be so well cared for by my family of friends. Family can be more than blood.
SILVER LINING #10
Then my sister, Kathryn, dropped everything in her busy life, and came for a visit. What a beautiful Silver Lining to spend quiet quality time with my sister – some days simply sitting on the front porch and drinking tea together. Even with all the support from my family of friends, there was a strong “I want my mommy” cry going on inside. Sometimes only mommy can help you feel safe, and Kathryn gave me that in coming to visit.
So as you can see, there have been Silver Lining after Silver Lining in this healing journey. I chose to see the gifts rather than any losses from this experience.
I am now coming out of the fog and slowly getting back on my feet. Which brings me to YOU – one of my greatest Silver Linings. Sharing my story, being raw and real, and asking for help from family, friends, and total strangers is not easy for me. It certainly has pushed me out of my Comfort Zone, and yet I see this as a valuable opportunity to grow stronger.
YOU are my greatest Silver Lining as you help me grow as I push myself out of my comfort zone and ask for your help. For now I must create the means to repay Matt for his loan that has allowed me to address this diagnosis as quickly as possible. I have made a commitment to myself to have this loan repaid by December. Matt never asked when or how I would repay when he made his offer. Yet I am committed to saying thank you so very much as quickly as possible.
I thank each of you for your willingness to help someone asking for help
Being diagnosed with Cancer did seem very scary at the beginning. Given my family’s history and number of deaths, that isn’t too surprising. Each time I would go into the dermatologist’s office, the news would just get worse and worse. Going into the surgical room for that first surgery, I didn’t know what I would look like when I came out. Knowing that I still have a long healing journey ahead as I address the many pre-cancer spots.
Yet I have received so much amazing support, and so many gifts of caring that I feel positively blessed by this whole experience. I have chosen to celebrate this journey into deep healing, and honor the process of change. How do you like my new look?
Yet it also has had so many Silver Linings that in the end I feel positively blessed by this experience. There were so many quirks, unexpected results, heart-felt connections, and deep changes that have come through this healing journey. I have been a world traveler and journeying for over 30 years, and that is why I choose to call this a journey. Full of discovery, exploring the unknown, and then meeting that unknown head-on to listen and learn what it has to teach me.
SILVER LINING #1
After treating these two raw and crunchy spots on the left side of my face with pharmaceutical treatments, holistic remedies, and lots of trying to just ignore them, I finally went to see a dermatologist. He took one look at these spots and very firmly announced “oh, those are cancer spots”. Yet they were basal cell and not melanoma – so while they were not life-threatening, they certainly were life altering. The first of those Silver Linings - I wasn’t going to die from this diagnosis. Can you imagine the relief when I learned that this was not melanoma given how many in my family have died from this diagnosis?
SILVER LINING #2
One spot was parallel to my left eye next to my hairline. The second spot was nestled in my hair, and also next to my hairline. Little did I know that where they were placed would prove to be a Silver Lining as it meant that the plastic surgeon could work on them together. For me, the spot on my face felt as though my mask had ripped off and I had been ripped open. I felt raw and vulnerable with that mask gone. The 2nd spot triggered something quite different. My hair is my greatest vanity, and this triggered a fear that I would be left with a large scar on the left side of my hairline – basically a hole in my hair that would never grow back. Oh, my beautiful hair. Friends who see my hair down have been heard to exclaim “oh, you have Goddess hair!”. I certainly wanted to keep those gorgeous locks.
SILVER LINING #3
At first it appeared that it would be a simple procedure done in the office of the dermatologist. But when I arrived the following week for this procedure, the spots had grown too much for this simple surgery – just in one week! While I am committed to a holistic approach to healing, this cancer proved to be too aggressive to take the time a holistic remedy might take. Surgery would not have been my first choice, but it was the best choice given how fast these spots were growing. Next Silver Lining was that I would need a larger and more invasive surgery. How could this be a Silver Lining you might ask? More about that very shortly.
SILVER LINING #4
Once the date was set for the surgery, I went into the dermatologist’s office a few days before to explain why I didn’t have the funds yet to make the full payment as he had asked. Next Silver Lining – he simply looked at me, and said “I trust you. The care of the patient is what is most important, and this cancer is growing too fast to reschedule while we wait for the funds to come in.” A doctor who focused on what is best for his patient first and foremost! So we went ahead with the surgery.
I didn’t have the funds to pay for this surgery and the after-care, as well as the treatments that will be needed later to address the many pre-cancer spots. Now that I know what to look for, I can see that I am covered in pre-cancer spots over my chest, upper arms, and upper back. For those, I will be focused on a more holistic approach to healing as I will have the time to make the changes to diet, health, and over-all well-being. This has been a very loud wake-up call to change, and I am listening and learning what I need to make a full recovery over time.
SILVER LINING #5
A beloved friend’s son, Matt, agreed to lend me the money so I could go ahead immediately to address this aggressive cancer. What an amazing Silver Lining he has been. When I told him about the diagnosis and what was needed, he simply said “tell me how much you need, and where to send it”. Matt is such an amazing human being, and now I must create the ways and means to repay his trust in me and his generosity in helping me finance the surgery I needed immediately.
SILVER LINING #6 and 7 – double lining
The surgery required going into the capital city for three days, and so I asked a dear friend if she would be my ‘Mama Bear’ and come with me as support through this scary procedure. Next Silver Lining, Tessa was the very best Mama Bear anyone could have asked for. She kept me safe, uplifted, and feeling so cared for. When I needed to return for the 2nd surgery two weeks later, her husband, Tim, was my ‘Papa Bear’. Taking care of the driving, and caring for me as I went in and when I came out of that 2nd surgery. Two Silver Linings that provided me with the loving care I needed so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything other than being ready and calm as I went under the knife.
SILVER LINING #8 – and a bonus!
The surgery turned out to be much simpler and smaller than expected. Yet another Silver Lining as the tumors proved to be much smaller than expected. Which means that the plastic surgeon changed his strategy. Rather than remove a patch of skin from another part of my body to create a ‘patch’, he simply pulled the two sides of the incision together. This resulted in the left side of my face being ‘lifted’. When I came out of the surgery, he announced that I should return in two weeks and he would do the same kind of ‘lift’ to the other side. Which is how I ended up with this bonus Silver Lining – a mini facelift – WOW!!! How does it get any better than that??!!
SILVER LINING #9
I live in a small community where we help each other when someone is in need. My dear friend, Brandi, organized a ‘Let’s Help Jannette’ Brigade. Friends brought in meals so I wouldn’t have to cook, stopped by for visits so I wouldn’t feel alone, and even brought over dogs so my fur buddy could have play-dates as I wasn’t taking him for his daily walks or very much quality time together. What a Silver Lining to be so well cared for by my family of friends. Family can be more than blood.
SILVER LINING #10
Then my sister, Kathryn, dropped everything in her busy life, and came for a visit. What a beautiful Silver Lining to spend quiet quality time with my sister – some days simply sitting on the front porch and drinking tea together. Even with all the support from my family of friends, there was a strong “I want my mommy” cry going on inside. Sometimes only mommy can help you feel safe, and Kathryn gave me that in coming to visit.
So as you can see, there have been Silver Lining after Silver Lining in this healing journey. I chose to see the gifts rather than any losses from this experience.
I am now coming out of the fog and slowly getting back on my feet. Which brings me to YOU – one of my greatest Silver Linings. Sharing my story, being raw and real, and asking for help from family, friends, and total strangers is not easy for me. It certainly has pushed me out of my Comfort Zone, and yet I see this as a valuable opportunity to grow stronger.
YOU are my greatest Silver Lining as you help me grow as I push myself out of my comfort zone and ask for your help. For now I must create the means to repay Matt for his loan that has allowed me to address this diagnosis as quickly as possible. I have made a commitment to myself to have this loan repaid by December. Matt never asked when or how I would repay when he made his offer. Yet I am committed to saying thank you so very much as quickly as possible.
I thank each of you for your willingness to help someone asking for help
Being diagnosed with Cancer did seem very scary at the beginning. Given my family’s history and number of deaths, that isn’t too surprising. Each time I would go into the dermatologist’s office, the news would just get worse and worse. Going into the surgical room for that first surgery, I didn’t know what I would look like when I came out. Knowing that I still have a long healing journey ahead as I address the many pre-cancer spots.
Yet I have received so much amazing support, and so many gifts of caring that I feel positively blessed by this whole experience. I have chosen to celebrate this journey into deep healing, and honor the process of change. How do you like my new look?
Organiser and beneficiary
Jannette MacKinnon
Organiser
Comox, BC
Matthew Tortoriello
Beneficiary
