As many of you may, or may not, know my daughter has a Meningioma brain tumor. She undergoes radiation two to three times a week and for anyone who isn't familiar with that process just the horrible claustrophobic mask she has to wear during that treatment makes me shudder. When I was whining (lol) to her about my recent MRI she said "oh Mom you have no idea" and sent me a photo of this horrible contraption she has to sit in that surrounds her head and is like a mesh mask over her face - I had no idea ...
As a mom I want to make it all better and find a way to fix it. I want to run up there and hold her in my arms, like Mommy's do, and make it go away, but it's not a skinned knee or a cut finger. I have no power to make this better and that helplessness is just heartbreaking.
I talk to her multiple times a day, watch her live videos for Lula Roe so I can see how she's doing that day. (I can tell by her eyes if it's a good day or a bad day). I try to FaceTime often so we can stay connected.
On top of her illness, and her Lula Roe business, (which she by the way handles like any entrepreneur would - she works it hard every single day) school was giving her a hassle about the kids being off so much - but when one is so sick they can't lift their head off the pillow it's a bit unrealIstic to get three kids up and off to school- so homeschooling for them is a much better option. Her hours each afternoon are spent working with a 6 10 & 11 year old doing school work and projects while the 18 month old twins are napping...
So... 5 kids imagine the laundry - that task in and of itself makes me shudder.
Imagine when the flu recently hit this house household - kids are sick, one after the other, adults too - and I can't imagine how many diapers twin babies go through on a regular basis much less when they are not well...
Let's add a husband that's serving our country in the Marine Corp and has been for 8+ years. The life of a military wife is not easy by any means, with schedules, uniforms, inspections, drill, classes to rank up, etc He manages to make it work too and still be a husband and father, caretaker and provider. (On a military paycheck which although sufficient is not stellar hence her need to supplement family income)
My reason for saying all of this is - I continue every day to try to do things that will help her in some small way. I have no idea how she deals with all of the above and still has time to keep the kids entertained, day trips and paint rocks with the kids to enjoy the "onslow rocks" initiative. When we recently talked about having numbered shirts for our family reunion - in like 5 minutes she messaged me "Mom I got the shirts ordered". I guess when one has all of the things going on that she does - procrastination is not an option on any level.
So where is this going???? I had lunch with an amazing friend yesterday and we were "brain"-storming ideas about possible resources or things we can do to help. I started digging deep for ideas.
I am in search of the following -
How do In find a retired teacher or someone in education, in her area that would come to her home a few scheduled days each week to homeschool the children. It would be good for them to have some structure in that and someone beside Mom telling them what needs to be done, projects, tests, etc. i tried the school system there - there is no such resource. There has to be someone near that military base who would have the credentials to do this - I need to find them...
I would like to set up some type of meal delivery. When reading the above where does one add cooking into that equation - not possible so they do tend to eat out or do quick things and lets face it - that's not only not super healthy, it's expensive and not the same as good home cooking. Pizza rolls although yummy on occasion are just not the same as some homemade chili. I started googling meal delivery but once again, anything for their family is unrealistic at 8$ per person. Meals on wheels is for seniors only. I was thinking about maybe reaching out to a church in her area that may have a women's group to take on this task. Looking for other ideas or resources. There has to be options - I need to find them...
House keeping - laundry. although it sounds easy to find this is a tough one and also expensive. It's a full time job for sure but someone to come in a few times a week to help with laundry, run a vacuum, etc...has to be on a regular schedule and be on autopilot - the last thing she needs is someone else to have to worry about being there, etc... someone we can trust so if she's at treatment or appt they can be there on their own. Seems to me somewhere on Facebook I saw an organization that helps families with a member in treatment. I need to find them...
I truly have no earthly idea how these kids hold it all together. I couldn't do it I know what for damn sure. I would give anything to be there on a full time basis helping with all of the above but that also isn't reality. What I can do however is try to find resources that can help, people that can offer some time or assistance in their area and continue to look for answers - I need to find them...
I can't fail to mention that during their hectic life she spends days being so weak and ill after radiation, a voice that is raspy from the burning and dehydration and a face burn that looks like she was in the pool all day without sunscreen. Debilitating headaches in between with medications to boot. She takes this on with such strength, never complains, and makes it look like it's just "another day in the life" - the reality of it is hers alone but for those of us in the perimeter, well at least for me, my reality is to try to make better for her what I have the power to improve.
If I even think to complain about having a lot to do or feeling a bit under the weather --- seriously?????
All funds raised will help us obtain these needs for her family. In this time of treatment and recovery I hope to allieviate just a few of her daily tasks.
most importantly - above all else, to the one who has the power to make all things right --- I pray ---
- Donna Aleshire
- Meghan Peterson
- Susan & Mike Kramer
- Phyllis Hill
- Tiffany Dorfner
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