My name is Joliz and most of you probably know me as jdp2009, a once very body positive gal that promotes self love and questions stereotypes/taboos among women/women of color. I am a 22 year old bipoc artist who immigrated from the Philippines last 2015 and is now residing in Tio'tia:ke/Montreal, Canada.
It is very hard for me to say that I am struggling with my mental health that mainly concerns my physical appearance and weight. Ever since the quarantine had begun and the first lockdown was initiated, I slowly lost grip of reality and with all the things happening in the world - from Covid 19 to witnessing the rampant injustices the black community continues to face everyday, I became highly stressed and was always punctured with anxiety. This made my hormones notably messed up which led to many complications, this includes BDD.
To make this short, I have been struggling a lot with myself and my breakdowns get worse and worse each time. My symptoms have been amplified for months, to the point of being unbearable. There’s no moment where I glance myself in any reflective surfaces and see my face or body and not think of anything negative about me. I’m afraid that this will end up to something none of us want to happen to someone. My thoughts wind up to suicidal ideations and constant self demeanings. I want to get help as early as I can to fight myself. I am not clinically diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder yet but that is the first thing I want to handle once I get enough financial aids.
I’ve chosen to go with a private therapy since government paid therapy puts me on a long waiting list. The amount I am asking is the estimated cost of private therapy for 12 months (6,000CAD) which is approximately 100CAD per hour of private session.
Any donation will help and is greatly appreciated even if it's only a dollar.
A part of me feels deeply horrible and in lack of words, embarrassed, to put this out there. I know many of my followers look up to me and my works for being bold and always body positive. I feel bad that I have fallen through. But on every dark cloud there’s a silver lining, I wish to get treated and be better again soon. I miss my old self. I miss Joliz, deeply.
Thank you for taking the time to read. I wish you sunny days ahead.
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