Emily Deserves Hope and Recovery
Donation protected
No one wants to imagine the horror of it. No parent in their wildest dreams could even fathom it happening to their child - after all, she's my baby girl; my sweet, precious angel.
This is hard for me to talk about but at this point I have no choice. I have a daughter Emily, whose name I've changed for her own mental health and anonymity. She is my entire world and reason for living. She is now 14 years old. However, last year was indeed the worst year of all our lives - especially hers. On top of the Covid-19 crisis and all the other catastrophic events on the world stage that our children must deal with these days, my 13-year-old Emily was sexually assaulted - and more than once. Twice in a matter of 6 months, in fact.
On May 5th, 2020 Emily was raped in a woodsy area off the Henry Hudson Trail. A 16-year-old boy she had met earlier in the day (through a mutual friend) decided that he would follow her on his bicycle. It was getting dark - close to curfew, and it started to rain a bit. I remember staring at the time and texting her profusely to come home. Her phone was almost dead. We called and she answered, but then the phone really died. In the split second I heard her voice on the phone, I could tell something was wrong. We grabbed a couple of flashlights and headed into the neighborhood on foot. I told my partner to call the police in 10 minutes if we hadn't returned.
Instinctively, I felt drawn to "the trail" where I screamed her name so loud over and over, I began to lose my voice. Finally, I heard her call back "mom? Help. I'm here!" in broken words through tears. I ran as fast as I could, heart pounding out of my chest, through a clearing and into the dark woods - jumping over fallen trees, until finally I found her standing there with her bike and this boy (also with his bike). She was crying, her clothes were on backwards and covered in leaves and she was wet from the rain. The cops did come and we are still in process of pressing charges, but the damage had been done. Later that night she called me into her room and collapsed in my lap, "mom, he raped me."
There were no words. I felt my body go cold and numb. From that point on I would be extra protective of my child. Immediately, we got her help to deal with the trauma.
Her behavior started to change and she became withdrawn, depressed, anxious - taking to self-harm as well as smoking and vaping. I cried myself to sleep every night.
Sadly, the story didn't end there. She was then sexually assaulted again, this time by a clerk in a convenience store. She was drugged and taken advantage of. No further details necessary.
She's been seeing a trauma specialist once a week through Catholic Charities, and it was being paid for by an organization that helps New Jersey residents who have been victims of sexual assault / sexual abuse. She also sees a psychiatrist for medication maintenance. Clearly, it's not enough.
I'm trying to make this as brief as I can - but it's important that you all understand exactly what happened, and why we are looking for help. We are not a well-off family. Heck, we are barely above the poverty line, and I myself survive solely on government assistance because I am disabled.
In the span of 6 months my daughter's life has been transformed forever - and not for the better. I watch her suffer every single day from the trauma of this incidents. I feel helpless and hopeless. I would do anything to help my daughter. Please help me help her.
She needs a higher level of care in terms of mental health - both her therapist and psychiatrist agree. Of course, as her parents we want what's best for her. At first she was adamantly against seeking more intensive help for her traumas; she didn't want to talk about it, she wanted to keep everything inside, internalizing it. But we were watching what it was slowly doing to her. On the verge of substance abuse, more self-harm, self-destruction, believing "it's all my fault" and clinging to the mindset that she somehow deserved all these things.
Finally, we found some hope - but it isn't cheap. An Intensive Outpatient Therapy program designed specifically for teenagers who have suffered these kinds of traumas. They've been around since 1994 and have an excellent reputation. We literally called every, single mental health clinic within 50 miles. Most had waiting lists that were too long, some wouldn't accept our insurance at all, and a couple even said that Emily didn't "qualify." We thought about hospitalization, but with her traumas I feel she still needs to be at home part of the time, she still needs to sleep in her own bed and have to option of coming to us when she feels she can. However, if the time ever comes that she needs hospitalization then we shall cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, it's been agreed upon by her entire care team that this is the best and ONLY course of action that will significantly help Emily. Quite literally, "make or break" whether she succeeds in life or falls prey to the demons that have taken hold in her body, mind, and soul.
This outpatient psychiatric care can be a life-changing experience for teens who struggle with mental health disorders and traumas, giving them the tools they need to regulate their thoughts and put their emotions into perspective. Typically, the outpatient programs last 10-12 weeks. Because of Covid-19, all facilities like this are doing telehealth programs - but they are just the same as in person. Five days a week, 4 hours a day. Emily would log in to a therapy setting with group of her peers and of course a counselor / moderator and mental health therapist.
Our insurance will pay for most of it - but there's a large portion that we really need help with. Firstly, there's a deductible of $1500 that needs to be met before our insurance even kicks in. Secondly, it's $30 per day co-pay (multiply that by 5 days a week for 4 weeks, 4 days a week for 4 weeks, and 3 days a week for 4 weeks) PLUS, the fact that we're almost at the end of the year, so come January 1st, the deductible will have to be paid again (Unless we wait to treat in the new year, which is CRITICALLY NOT RECOMMENDED). That comes out to 3,000 for both deductibles plus $1440 in co-pays. That's right around $4,500.
We in no way have this money. I am on disability, which provides very little monthly. Thanks to Covid-19, her other parent has his lost his job and significant income, forced to change medical insurance (which is why Emily's insurance is currently not very good, as it was a last minute "best option for now" purchase off the market place). This would be just one of the MANY outstanding medical bills, and we just cannot afford it. I don't care about my credit, I just care that my daughter is able to get the help and treatment she needs without interruption or financial problems. We desperately need a miracle here, and as soon as possible. There is only 1 spot open for her and it starts next Monday.
If there is anything you can donate, it would be greatly appreciated. You have absolutely no idea just how much. I need to get her this help - so she cannot just survive but thrive.
I'm used to telling Emily that the world is a terrible place, and you simply cannot trust anyone. I'm usually telling her these things in hopes that she will stay away from danger. Of course, I want her to be careful as she navigates this world, but I don't want her to believe there is absolutely no good in it. If we can achieve this goal - and show her that people care, that would be incredible.
If we could achieve this goal, and Emily can learn to love herself again and know that none of this was her fault, maybe we can help prevent her from having negative relationships with others, as well as herself, in the future.
Maybe she can find there are things worth looking forward to, and life is worth living.
Thank you for reading.
This is hard for me to talk about but at this point I have no choice. I have a daughter Emily, whose name I've changed for her own mental health and anonymity. She is my entire world and reason for living. She is now 14 years old. However, last year was indeed the worst year of all our lives - especially hers. On top of the Covid-19 crisis and all the other catastrophic events on the world stage that our children must deal with these days, my 13-year-old Emily was sexually assaulted - and more than once. Twice in a matter of 6 months, in fact.
On May 5th, 2020 Emily was raped in a woodsy area off the Henry Hudson Trail. A 16-year-old boy she had met earlier in the day (through a mutual friend) decided that he would follow her on his bicycle. It was getting dark - close to curfew, and it started to rain a bit. I remember staring at the time and texting her profusely to come home. Her phone was almost dead. We called and she answered, but then the phone really died. In the split second I heard her voice on the phone, I could tell something was wrong. We grabbed a couple of flashlights and headed into the neighborhood on foot. I told my partner to call the police in 10 minutes if we hadn't returned.
Instinctively, I felt drawn to "the trail" where I screamed her name so loud over and over, I began to lose my voice. Finally, I heard her call back "mom? Help. I'm here!" in broken words through tears. I ran as fast as I could, heart pounding out of my chest, through a clearing and into the dark woods - jumping over fallen trees, until finally I found her standing there with her bike and this boy (also with his bike). She was crying, her clothes were on backwards and covered in leaves and she was wet from the rain. The cops did come and we are still in process of pressing charges, but the damage had been done. Later that night she called me into her room and collapsed in my lap, "mom, he raped me."
There were no words. I felt my body go cold and numb. From that point on I would be extra protective of my child. Immediately, we got her help to deal with the trauma.
Her behavior started to change and she became withdrawn, depressed, anxious - taking to self-harm as well as smoking and vaping. I cried myself to sleep every night.
Sadly, the story didn't end there. She was then sexually assaulted again, this time by a clerk in a convenience store. She was drugged and taken advantage of. No further details necessary.She's been seeing a trauma specialist once a week through Catholic Charities, and it was being paid for by an organization that helps New Jersey residents who have been victims of sexual assault / sexual abuse. She also sees a psychiatrist for medication maintenance. Clearly, it's not enough.
I'm trying to make this as brief as I can - but it's important that you all understand exactly what happened, and why we are looking for help. We are not a well-off family. Heck, we are barely above the poverty line, and I myself survive solely on government assistance because I am disabled.
In the span of 6 months my daughter's life has been transformed forever - and not for the better. I watch her suffer every single day from the trauma of this incidents. I feel helpless and hopeless. I would do anything to help my daughter. Please help me help her.
She needs a higher level of care in terms of mental health - both her therapist and psychiatrist agree. Of course, as her parents we want what's best for her. At first she was adamantly against seeking more intensive help for her traumas; she didn't want to talk about it, she wanted to keep everything inside, internalizing it. But we were watching what it was slowly doing to her. On the verge of substance abuse, more self-harm, self-destruction, believing "it's all my fault" and clinging to the mindset that she somehow deserved all these things.
Finally, we found some hope - but it isn't cheap. An Intensive Outpatient Therapy program designed specifically for teenagers who have suffered these kinds of traumas. They've been around since 1994 and have an excellent reputation. We literally called every, single mental health clinic within 50 miles. Most had waiting lists that were too long, some wouldn't accept our insurance at all, and a couple even said that Emily didn't "qualify." We thought about hospitalization, but with her traumas I feel she still needs to be at home part of the time, she still needs to sleep in her own bed and have to option of coming to us when she feels she can. However, if the time ever comes that she needs hospitalization then we shall cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, it's been agreed upon by her entire care team that this is the best and ONLY course of action that will significantly help Emily. Quite literally, "make or break" whether she succeeds in life or falls prey to the demons that have taken hold in her body, mind, and soul.
This outpatient psychiatric care can be a life-changing experience for teens who struggle with mental health disorders and traumas, giving them the tools they need to regulate their thoughts and put their emotions into perspective. Typically, the outpatient programs last 10-12 weeks. Because of Covid-19, all facilities like this are doing telehealth programs - but they are just the same as in person. Five days a week, 4 hours a day. Emily would log in to a therapy setting with group of her peers and of course a counselor / moderator and mental health therapist.
Our insurance will pay for most of it - but there's a large portion that we really need help with. Firstly, there's a deductible of $1500 that needs to be met before our insurance even kicks in. Secondly, it's $30 per day co-pay (multiply that by 5 days a week for 4 weeks, 4 days a week for 4 weeks, and 3 days a week for 4 weeks) PLUS, the fact that we're almost at the end of the year, so come January 1st, the deductible will have to be paid again (Unless we wait to treat in the new year, which is CRITICALLY NOT RECOMMENDED). That comes out to 3,000 for both deductibles plus $1440 in co-pays. That's right around $4,500.
We in no way have this money. I am on disability, which provides very little monthly. Thanks to Covid-19, her other parent has his lost his job and significant income, forced to change medical insurance (which is why Emily's insurance is currently not very good, as it was a last minute "best option for now" purchase off the market place). This would be just one of the MANY outstanding medical bills, and we just cannot afford it. I don't care about my credit, I just care that my daughter is able to get the help and treatment she needs without interruption or financial problems. We desperately need a miracle here, and as soon as possible. There is only 1 spot open for her and it starts next Monday.
If there is anything you can donate, it would be greatly appreciated. You have absolutely no idea just how much. I need to get her this help - so she cannot just survive but thrive.
I'm used to telling Emily that the world is a terrible place, and you simply cannot trust anyone. I'm usually telling her these things in hopes that she will stay away from danger. Of course, I want her to be careful as she navigates this world, but I don't want her to believe there is absolutely no good in it. If we can achieve this goal - and show her that people care, that would be incredible.
If we could achieve this goal, and Emily can learn to love herself again and know that none of this was her fault, maybe we can help prevent her from having negative relationships with others, as well as herself, in the future.
Maybe she can find there are things worth looking forward to, and life is worth living.
Thank you for reading.
Fundraising team (3)
Jordan Santamaria
Organizer
Keansburg, NJ
Hope LeNoir
Team member
T D
Team member
