Help Helios Get Top Surgery

Hi everyone I am not really sure what to write here - it has taken a lot of time and staring at screens and writing and rewriting and deleting for me to get this out, anyone who knows me will know I am not a person to ever ask for help for my own needs, but my family, friends and some followers on social media have told me time and time again, it’s worth a try… and really I cannot see another option, so humbly – here goes!

I am 37 years old and I came out publicly as being transgender last year, I have identified as two spirited/’not a woman’ for a long time, nowadays a fitting term is non binary / transmasculine – meaning I do not ID as either binary gender - it has been a long journey to get to the point where I am now – to feel comfortable enough to be open with people about who I am and how I feel – further than the people I am intimate with and a couple of close friends, which it has been til this point.

There were a few factors that kept me from allowing exploration into self and further authenticity of self to arise, one being I didn’t want to upset the apple cart of certain family members, who are deeply transphobic – it took a long time to put myself and my needs first – but here I am. Maybe with a few less people around, but definitely with solid and accepting ones close by. It has been a long and productive year, with a lot of learning and growth. I have been lucky to have some supportive friends that have really held me this year, been present, listened to me process, hugged me when I’ve been sad/feeling low about one thing or another.

I am very grateful to be in the community I am in here. For the most part – people are very accepting, open hearted and supportive, true friends. I feel really in a good place. It has been a year on Testosterone therapy now, boy do I feel better in life! I look more like myself when I look in the mirror, my moods are calmer, I feel more confident and grounded, happier – stronger and generally more myself in every way. I feel like I have always looked like this, but that is impossible, when I look back at pictures of my old self I realise how far I have come.

Part of me becoming even more in alignment with myself, will be ridding myself of the one thing/things that still makes me shudder/get dysphoria/feel unhappy/cringe/feel numb/feel unconfident in my body. I am grateful for my body – it has served me well for my life, however now I am on this journey of self-actualisation, it is imperative for me to take the step and have chest masculinisation surgery. This will be life changing for me and hasn’t been an easy decision to come to – it has been years of thinking about this and desiring this for myself. In 2015 I went to speak to a doctor in London about Top Surgery, I won’t go into details, but I left the surgery in tears and feeling less that confident about going back there.

For years when I was teaching scuba diving or doing martial arts or working at Boho – (the project I founded in 2019 in Portugal, working towards self-sustainability/a safe space for people and animals to be/creative space/community hub in Portugal - We work collectively to help each other, clean up and take care of nature, protect animals and humans alike, teach, love, live and give everything to progressively change the world one step at a time.), I would look in the mirror and imagine how my body would feel without its current chest situation, holding them down or out the way and feeling sad/a bit gutted when I removed my hands and they’re still there. It’s not easy carrying a body part/parts that do not feel like they belong on your body.

Top surgery is very expensive and there are long waiting lists to get it on the NHS along with a lot of hoops to jump through. Privately can roll upwards of 10000$ in Europe/usa, and that is just for surgery, not accounting for travel and recovery time.

I have been very lucky, after a lot of trial and searching – to find a place in Turkey that specialises in Transgender surgery and is very reasonably priced for the level of work that the surgeon does and the care given by the team.

Sadly, due to Covid and also having full time minimal income work/life to keep the project moving forward – I haven’t been able to go and work in another place and save the money I need to have this life changing and saving surgery.

It isn’t through laziness/lack of desire – the project here has come on leaps and bounds the last two years, we have been home to many different people, have a load of community events, martial arts, yoga classes, queer camp, etc. and more to come, but it is a full time job to make it all happen! – this project is as important to me as my own life progress, as it is not just for me, but for people here, the wider community and for the future also – here I have poured everything I have – financially and emotionally. . I have put all my savings into this project, resulting in a less-than-luxurious life for myself. Barely getting by/hustling to make it work for two years has made me grow as a person. Any materialistic thought I might’ve once had for life, is completely gone. My complete and utter focus is on nature and people – this makes me happy.

However, now I need to focus a bit of energy on myself and this is why I am asking you – my friends and family to help me raise 6000 euros, so I can fly to Turkey in November and take care of myself and get this surgery. This means by the start of 2022 I can continue working on this amazing project, more in alignment with myself – more energised, more authentically, happier!

I have someone to come with me and support me while I am there, people to mind the project until I return and also to look after me for 6 weeks while I recover. The surgery is booked, consultation successful with surgeon, flights available, passport on the way back with my new name and details. Just this matter of paying for surgery! In faith I ask you all for help and also want to thank you all for taking the time to read this and donate if you feel led, or maybe even share with someone you think may want to help.

If we hit our target – any money extra will go towards replanting trees at the project, which is the next big task ahead!

Okay I think that’s all folks, I love you all, thank you for reading with an open mind , donating and loving me.

See you on the other side,

Helios