Dealer Mike's Care, Memorial and other Final Expenses
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2 375 $ récoltés sur 15 k $
24 dons
IN BRIEF:
This fund is for Mike Thomas's care, end of life expenses, and funeral expenses. A detailed breakdown of what's going on, and what the money will be spent on, is below.
About two months ago, my Dad, Mike, turned yellow (from jaundice).
He ended up staying four days in the hospital, and docs found a little ball on his pancreas. It was alarming, but they assured us they'd caught it early and it'd most likely be treatable.
They did not catch it early and it is not treatable.
Last month, after a bunch of biopsies and tests, the oncology doc sat Dad and I down and said that dad had stage four pancreatic cancer that had already spread to his liver. With chemo, he said, we might be able to extend dad's lifetime, but that dad could also choose to just skip it.
Why? Because *with* intensive chemotherapy, Dad has about six to eight months to live.
(There's a lot of things that I asked and got answers to at that appointment and I don't feel like going over them all, but in short: surgery will not help, radiology will not help, there's no chance of remission and chemo is going to be brutal.)
Medicaid will pay for Dad's chemotherapy and other palliative care, so this fund is not for medical bills. Rather, it's for a number of things that fall into two categories:
1. Caring for Dad and ensuring his best quality of life in his final days.
2. After-death expenses.
The first group is going to include things like:
- Deep cleaning the house, which has become cluttered and badly in need of a scrub. This will also include any light repairs or modifications that need to be done to make dad more comfortable (ex. installing removable shower heads, replacing scary booby-trapped kitchen chairs, cutting down the overgrowth in the backyard and repairing the fence, etc).
- Replacing Dad's living room chair because it honestly looks like Hell and I really want something much more comfortable for him to be able to relax in for the time he's still able to hang out and watch TV out there. Replacing the rest of the living room furniture would be great (there are rats in the neighborhood and we've been battling them on and off, so much of our furniture has been chewed on) but my priority is a really nice chair for Dad.
- Moving Dad to the downstairs bedroom and making the room comfortable, safe, and appropriate for him. That includes buying/installing a medical bed or a bed (with mattress) whose back can be raised to let him sit up, rolling tables and containers made for someone who will be eating from bed, storage both for equipment and for whatever Dad wants to keep close to him, an easy to reach call button, a metric ton of pillows and blankets, and anything else he might need or ask for there.
- Dad has many, many people who want to come out and see him before he goes, and preferably before it would be too tiring/stressful for him to have visitors. Because of the sheer number of people who've said they were making plans to visit, we've decided to have one big gathering, or maybe a few smaller gatherings over a couple of days, so that we won't have to worry about having people coming at all different times when his schedule might already be busy with appointments or his energy levels are low. There'll be expenses associated with finding a place big enough to host a gathering like this and putting the event together, AS WELL AS holding a pre-memorial where Dad can enjoy the celebrations and stories that are usually reserved for after someone's gone. There are a couple of things he's asked for, including a couple of musicians and certain types of services, and I'm going to do my best to make that happen but I'm probably going to have to find and book some quickly.
- We will need a lawyer so that Dad can make a will. He doesn't "have" anything, but he is still technically married and would prefer not to leave any kind of legal questions behind. A lawyer will help us navigate that and ensure that the will is official and legal.
- The Bucket List. Dad hasn't expressed much interest in travel or unique experiences so I don't think this would be a huge part of the fund, but being able to take him out to eat, go for scenic drives, or stocking him up with the stickiest, dankest product he's ever had is something I'd very much like to be able to do for him.
- There will doubtless be other expenses in this category, but those are the ones first in my mind for now.
The second group will involve things that must be pre-arranged so that after Dad passes there won't be any snags or delays in treating his remains in a respectful manner and laying his body to rest in whichever way he prefers (we haven't discussed that yet because I'm a coward, but I am using the cost of cremation as a placeholder/guesstimate until I know more):
- Body removal/transport, sheltering (storage until services become available), and death certificates. In the little bit of research I've done, it seems like most funeral homes have a bundle package where they can take care of these things for you, but as with anything the cost of that package varies greatly by region and individual businesses.
- Cremation services (again, this is assuming he'd like to be cremated), including the cost of a permanent urn. A direct cremation-- meaning no embalming, no viewing, no rental casket, no memorial service-- costs $2k on average. There are "discount" services, but I'd rather not send any remains to a discount business. It's not dry cleaning.
- Re-cleaning of Dad's bedroom if necessary.
- Any other after-death expenses that are required by law, and those vary state to state and sometimes county to county.
I know this is a huge ask, and seems like a lot of money (we might even need more funding than this, but I'm hoping the expenses don't pile up that far). But Dad is a huge part of so many people's lives and deserves nothing less than the whole world and every ounce of love in it. I don't know if we'll be able to give him all of that, but I'm going to try my hardest to make our last little bit of time with him the best that I possibly can, and I can only do it with your help.
Whether you know him as Mike, Dad, or *shouting* DEALER MIKE!!, show your love by donating and/or sharing the link to this gofundme with anyone who loves Star Trek board games, sci fi novels, burnt down apartment buildings, stray dogs, the Austin indie music scene, unfriendly cooking staff, the most delicious pastries on the planet, the wildest stories that've ever been told, and the infinite kindness, compassion, and moral compass in the face of adversity that the world has always needed more of, and will be sorely missed when it's time for him to get out before the cops show up.
(here's a picture that gofundme won't let me delete for some reason, enjoy)
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