Cayden's Memorial Fund
Donation protected
Due to several individuals asking, I have set up this gofundme campaign to purchase a headstone for my son. Please see the post I made on facebook here (text is copied below with photos). I have set the amount pretty high. I have no idea what a marker will cost us, I plan to attend a few places on Monday. That said, I was quoted approx. $3500 - $5000 a few years ago for an upright headstone with some customization. If, for some reason, we manage to raise enough money for Cayden's and there's more, this will be split/offered to the other families affected by this for the purchase of their markers.
Here's my story:
I don't even know where to start. I am absolutely devastated at how someone can be so heartless, cruel and, ultimately disrespectful! Normally, I take my punches and don't say a word over social media, but I am in tears. I know I am facing ridicule from internet trolls and even some of my own family. . .but I will take it. . .something needs to be said, not for just my family, but the many affected here. This post is public, feel free to share.
In short, along with several others', my son's grave decor and marker were removed from his site and THROWN IN THE TRASH by the new Cemetery owner WITHOUT NOTICE.
As you may have heard, the previous owner of Wheeler Cemetery is in receivership/under criminal investigation and the Cemetery has been sold and is now called Sage Creek Cemetery & Crematorium (owned by Willie Mandryck). I absolutely understand that with new owners, we should expect new policies, and I totally respect that, but to change the policy overnight and NOT inform the families of those resting that their personal items will be destroyed (not even offering the opportunity to come remove them ourselves) is DISGUSTING!!!
On December 1, 2015, I kissed my son's forehead for the last time as he had unexpectedly but seemingly peacefully passed in his sleep. He was 5-1/2 years old and suffered from complications of Cerebral Palsy. I endured pain no mother should EVER have to but I know in my heart he is no longer in pain and watching over us and keeping us safe. . .The next few days following his death were a whirlwind of decisions, ones we had no idea how to make for a child. Upon recommendation, we enlisted the assistance of Funeral Director Roch Fontaine. . .(a huge mistake, but that's not what this is about) who suggested we bury my son's ashes at Wheeler Cemetery in the RM of Springfield. There were a few "selling points" which help us through the tough decision: First, the Cemetery placed him in a very prominent location so he could greet those entering the cemetery and was the start of what they called the "Garden of Angels" (a section that was supposed to be dedicated to children). The second feature was that the owners were pretty relaxed about markers and grave decor, provided it was tasteful and that we could put up a temporary marker until we were emotionally ready to design and ultimately afford a permanent one. This is something I did not want to be a rush decision and wanted it to honour my son and the many lives he impacted while earth-side. Cayden's internment was on December 8, 2015.
Over the past few years, I have had comfort in decorating my son's grave. . .Because of this, and the cemetery's policy regarding markers, I felt no pressure to sacrifice bills to have a permanent marker placed. (We have had a very hard few years - losing my son and paying for his funeral and burial, being primary caregivers and then losing my husband's parents, and developing almost catastophic Peripartum Cardiomyopathy during the birth of our rainbow baby where my husband became MY caregiver for a while, and neither one of us were able to work therefore our savings are in a word, TAPPED), Because finances are super tight, I made Cayden, what I thought was a respectful wooden cross/plaque. I was dedicated to keeping it in shape. For the site itself, every holiday/season, I, along with my husband and daughters, and my parents, cleaned up/changed up his decorations. The boy angel holding the kitty, the dragons and amaryllis solar lights were placed shortly after his burial. For Christmas, he had his late Granny's 3' Christmas Tree with solar lights and a "Butterfly Angel", we placed flags for the Winnipeg Goldeyes/Saskatchewan Roughriders/Winnipeg Blue Bombers. . .his grandparents often brought him whirly birds and such. I planted flowers in spring and tried to get to the site monthly to visit my son, change out decor if needed, make sure the lights were working and make sure the site was clean/free of weeds/leaves.. I have been working on some garden stones to place and a bench. While this was fine in the interim, it's always been on our mind (and change going into the piggy bank) for a permanent marker.
Google Wheeler Funeral Home and you'll find a TON of articles detailing the trouble they are in. . .When this hit the media, my husband contacted our funeral director who assured us that Cayden was not affected. Honestly, I do not want to know if he was. . .that would devastate me. Once spring hit this year, we noticed ground stakes marking the grid on the ground, so we knew a sale was imminent.
On May 6, 2019, for my son's 9th birthday, my family attended the site to clean the leaves/weeds, placed 2 solar lights and refilled his bird feeder in a nearby tree. The solar light set is a 3 set, we brought the pink one home so when it lit up, his younger sister would know his were lit and we'd be thinking of him. It was at this time that we noticed that Cayden's dragons had some wear on them seemingly from maintenance crews cutting grass and knew we would need to replace them soon and find a way to protect them (ie: patio stone. We were in the process of looking for replacements, however one is a custom concrete protector dragon and the other was Toothless from HTTYD piggy bank which is now very rare apparently - for the cost of replacement, I was looking at another custom piece, again not in the budget currently).
We got a crazy storm and the solar light we had here at the house broke. On July 13, 2019, our family visited Cayden's site to check on his lights only to find that everything was GONE! The only thing that remained was his cross. We had no warning, there was no signage posted (in fact the Wheeler Cemetery sign as you entered the cemetery was removed too), everything was just gone. And so was everyone else's lights/decor. We knew it wasn't a random theft, this was intentional. Ross immediately contacted Roch Fontaine who directed us to the receivership company who directed us to Willie Mandryck. This took almost a week to finally get ahold of him.
Mr. Mandryck was upset at yet ANOTHER call concerning the garbage left on the site. He did apologize for our loss but informed us that part of the condition of the sale, he was required to clean up the eye sore of a cemetery, bringing it to "code". This meant that the policy regarding items on grave sites changed and would no longer be allowed, all items were removed and destroyed (thrown in the garbage bin). The only thing allowed are planted flowers and after a buriel, items must be removed after a few weeks. He didn't have time to contact every family as he had "30 boxes of paperwork to go through, everything's such a mess".
Apparently a notice was posted on the mausoleum (if you don't have a family member there, why would you go there??) While this was upsetting enough, Ross asked specifically about the cross and how much time we'd have to have a permanent marker. He explained our situation and asked for leniency. Mr. Mandryck assured him that while we needed to work faster at getting a marker, there was no need to panic. The wooden markers in the cemetery that were custom made with thought/work put into them such as ours, would need to be removed eventually but knowing that we are working at it, he would call Ross and the other families prior to their removal.
On August 2, 2019 (yesterday) I went to speak to Cayden. Upon arrival, I was absolutely devastated to see that his cross had been removed as well. All that remains to mark his location is the 2 lillies I planted. I sat there for over 1/2 an hour crying and apologizing to my son that he had been so disrespected and that mommy and daddy were working on making sure he had a proper marker (instead of what I actually went out there for).
On my way out, I decided to drive around the cemetery instead of just backing out/turning around as I usually do, not sure if Cayden was guiding me or what, but I am thankful I did. . .I checked the Crematorium - there was a notice posted, but dated for July 17. This would have been AFTER Ross spoke with Mr. Mandryck (and most definitely AFTER everything was removed)!!! Furthermore, as I drove past the maintenance shed, I spotted Cayden's cross thrown into a pile with several others, as garbage! I retrieved it, thankful for being guided to it.
Again, I get that policies change but to just throw away the pieces that give us comfort when visiting our loved ones in absolutely disgraceful. . . .There's a right way about going about this: call the families you can or leave a notice in a PROMINENT LOCATION (ie: if not on each grave, somewhere such as the front entrance). Keep in mind, we had PERMISSION to have these items there. . .it's not like we were breaking rules until you changed them overnight. Remove the items if you must, but put in storage for a period of time for the families to retrieve them. . .I expect the owners to live by their own words on the notice "This cemetery is a sacred place. All visitors are requested to observe and preserve the serene and tranquil setting and show respect to all those buried here". . .throwing away the markers and all items without any attempt to contact families is a HUGE disrespect to those resting peacefully and I am absolutely sick with disgust.
I am now looking for the families of Terry Quill, Christine Ross, Erdmin "Ed" Reimer, Nelson Edward Williams, Barry Jon Wood, the owner of the plant holder labelled Telchroeb, Ruben Sawatzky and the owners of the several garden stones piled like trash! They should have the opportunity to pick up their crosses/markers/decor respectfully. I am torn between leaving them on site to be destroyed before I am able to find them or picking them up and storing them myself. . .
For now, Cayden's site remains unmarked save for the two lilies that have lost their flower as it's summer now. . .One day, I hope to be able to afford the marker that he deserves!
Here's my story:
I don't even know where to start. I am absolutely devastated at how someone can be so heartless, cruel and, ultimately disrespectful! Normally, I take my punches and don't say a word over social media, but I am in tears. I know I am facing ridicule from internet trolls and even some of my own family. . .but I will take it. . .something needs to be said, not for just my family, but the many affected here. This post is public, feel free to share.
In short, along with several others', my son's grave decor and marker were removed from his site and THROWN IN THE TRASH by the new Cemetery owner WITHOUT NOTICE.
As you may have heard, the previous owner of Wheeler Cemetery is in receivership/under criminal investigation and the Cemetery has been sold and is now called Sage Creek Cemetery & Crematorium (owned by Willie Mandryck). I absolutely understand that with new owners, we should expect new policies, and I totally respect that, but to change the policy overnight and NOT inform the families of those resting that their personal items will be destroyed (not even offering the opportunity to come remove them ourselves) is DISGUSTING!!!
On December 1, 2015, I kissed my son's forehead for the last time as he had unexpectedly but seemingly peacefully passed in his sleep. He was 5-1/2 years old and suffered from complications of Cerebral Palsy. I endured pain no mother should EVER have to but I know in my heart he is no longer in pain and watching over us and keeping us safe. . .The next few days following his death were a whirlwind of decisions, ones we had no idea how to make for a child. Upon recommendation, we enlisted the assistance of Funeral Director Roch Fontaine. . .(a huge mistake, but that's not what this is about) who suggested we bury my son's ashes at Wheeler Cemetery in the RM of Springfield. There were a few "selling points" which help us through the tough decision: First, the Cemetery placed him in a very prominent location so he could greet those entering the cemetery and was the start of what they called the "Garden of Angels" (a section that was supposed to be dedicated to children). The second feature was that the owners were pretty relaxed about markers and grave decor, provided it was tasteful and that we could put up a temporary marker until we were emotionally ready to design and ultimately afford a permanent one. This is something I did not want to be a rush decision and wanted it to honour my son and the many lives he impacted while earth-side. Cayden's internment was on December 8, 2015.
Over the past few years, I have had comfort in decorating my son's grave. . .Because of this, and the cemetery's policy regarding markers, I felt no pressure to sacrifice bills to have a permanent marker placed. (We have had a very hard few years - losing my son and paying for his funeral and burial, being primary caregivers and then losing my husband's parents, and developing almost catastophic Peripartum Cardiomyopathy during the birth of our rainbow baby where my husband became MY caregiver for a while, and neither one of us were able to work therefore our savings are in a word, TAPPED), Because finances are super tight, I made Cayden, what I thought was a respectful wooden cross/plaque. I was dedicated to keeping it in shape. For the site itself, every holiday/season, I, along with my husband and daughters, and my parents, cleaned up/changed up his decorations. The boy angel holding the kitty, the dragons and amaryllis solar lights were placed shortly after his burial. For Christmas, he had his late Granny's 3' Christmas Tree with solar lights and a "Butterfly Angel", we placed flags for the Winnipeg Goldeyes/Saskatchewan Roughriders/Winnipeg Blue Bombers. . .his grandparents often brought him whirly birds and such. I planted flowers in spring and tried to get to the site monthly to visit my son, change out decor if needed, make sure the lights were working and make sure the site was clean/free of weeds/leaves.. I have been working on some garden stones to place and a bench. While this was fine in the interim, it's always been on our mind (and change going into the piggy bank) for a permanent marker.
Google Wheeler Funeral Home and you'll find a TON of articles detailing the trouble they are in. . .When this hit the media, my husband contacted our funeral director who assured us that Cayden was not affected. Honestly, I do not want to know if he was. . .that would devastate me. Once spring hit this year, we noticed ground stakes marking the grid on the ground, so we knew a sale was imminent.
On May 6, 2019, for my son's 9th birthday, my family attended the site to clean the leaves/weeds, placed 2 solar lights and refilled his bird feeder in a nearby tree. The solar light set is a 3 set, we brought the pink one home so when it lit up, his younger sister would know his were lit and we'd be thinking of him. It was at this time that we noticed that Cayden's dragons had some wear on them seemingly from maintenance crews cutting grass and knew we would need to replace them soon and find a way to protect them (ie: patio stone. We were in the process of looking for replacements, however one is a custom concrete protector dragon and the other was Toothless from HTTYD piggy bank which is now very rare apparently - for the cost of replacement, I was looking at another custom piece, again not in the budget currently).
We got a crazy storm and the solar light we had here at the house broke. On July 13, 2019, our family visited Cayden's site to check on his lights only to find that everything was GONE! The only thing that remained was his cross. We had no warning, there was no signage posted (in fact the Wheeler Cemetery sign as you entered the cemetery was removed too), everything was just gone. And so was everyone else's lights/decor. We knew it wasn't a random theft, this was intentional. Ross immediately contacted Roch Fontaine who directed us to the receivership company who directed us to Willie Mandryck. This took almost a week to finally get ahold of him.
Mr. Mandryck was upset at yet ANOTHER call concerning the garbage left on the site. He did apologize for our loss but informed us that part of the condition of the sale, he was required to clean up the eye sore of a cemetery, bringing it to "code". This meant that the policy regarding items on grave sites changed and would no longer be allowed, all items were removed and destroyed (thrown in the garbage bin). The only thing allowed are planted flowers and after a buriel, items must be removed after a few weeks. He didn't have time to contact every family as he had "30 boxes of paperwork to go through, everything's such a mess".
Apparently a notice was posted on the mausoleum (if you don't have a family member there, why would you go there??) While this was upsetting enough, Ross asked specifically about the cross and how much time we'd have to have a permanent marker. He explained our situation and asked for leniency. Mr. Mandryck assured him that while we needed to work faster at getting a marker, there was no need to panic. The wooden markers in the cemetery that were custom made with thought/work put into them such as ours, would need to be removed eventually but knowing that we are working at it, he would call Ross and the other families prior to their removal.
On August 2, 2019 (yesterday) I went to speak to Cayden. Upon arrival, I was absolutely devastated to see that his cross had been removed as well. All that remains to mark his location is the 2 lillies I planted. I sat there for over 1/2 an hour crying and apologizing to my son that he had been so disrespected and that mommy and daddy were working on making sure he had a proper marker (instead of what I actually went out there for).
On my way out, I decided to drive around the cemetery instead of just backing out/turning around as I usually do, not sure if Cayden was guiding me or what, but I am thankful I did. . .I checked the Crematorium - there was a notice posted, but dated for July 17. This would have been AFTER Ross spoke with Mr. Mandryck (and most definitely AFTER everything was removed)!!! Furthermore, as I drove past the maintenance shed, I spotted Cayden's cross thrown into a pile with several others, as garbage! I retrieved it, thankful for being guided to it.
Again, I get that policies change but to just throw away the pieces that give us comfort when visiting our loved ones in absolutely disgraceful. . . .There's a right way about going about this: call the families you can or leave a notice in a PROMINENT LOCATION (ie: if not on each grave, somewhere such as the front entrance). Keep in mind, we had PERMISSION to have these items there. . .it's not like we were breaking rules until you changed them overnight. Remove the items if you must, but put in storage for a period of time for the families to retrieve them. . .I expect the owners to live by their own words on the notice "This cemetery is a sacred place. All visitors are requested to observe and preserve the serene and tranquil setting and show respect to all those buried here". . .throwing away the markers and all items without any attempt to contact families is a HUGE disrespect to those resting peacefully and I am absolutely sick with disgust.
I am now looking for the families of Terry Quill, Christine Ross, Erdmin "Ed" Reimer, Nelson Edward Williams, Barry Jon Wood, the owner of the plant holder labelled Telchroeb, Ruben Sawatzky and the owners of the several garden stones piled like trash! They should have the opportunity to pick up their crosses/markers/decor respectfully. I am torn between leaving them on site to be destroyed before I am able to find them or picking them up and storing them myself. . .
For now, Cayden's site remains unmarked save for the two lilies that have lost their flower as it's summer now. . .One day, I hope to be able to afford the marker that he deserves!
Organizer
Bobbi Leigh Bottle
Organizer
Winnipeg, MB
