A long rough journey, need help now
Beschermde donatie
This was my Mom and I many years ago, during some better times, before I recieved crushing sports related injuries. I do not have a current picture nor even a camera that works and my computer has been pretty broken and without software for a very long time and I do not like the way I look now anyway after the years of sleepless nights and not so much as a haircut in years, my cat is usually my spokesmodel as he is the good looking one . It is such a long story and I am in so much pain I do not know where to start or how to tell it. So apologies.
It is hard to explain the Journey of Alzheimer's disease and demenetia to anyone that has never experienced it, it was and remains a journey of greif and loss and solitude that is indescribable. My mom was also legally blind and suffered from over a dozen other deadly diseases. Mom has been gone quite a while now but the journey continues for myself as I suffer from PTSD and some sometimes pretty extreme pain, as I write this I am in pain and confused and frightened and a broken tooth and suffering from hypothermia as well since the furnace died for the third time and now I cannot fix it...as I suffered some pretty severe spinal injuries many years ago...I sometimes was unable to walk and hid out, unable to get any medical care for myself and subjected to a lot of emotional abuse as My problem was invisable, three crushed disks...so sometimes able to function or even have atletic periods. The pain I am having now is different than it was in those early years...not the crushing attacks of crippling pain, but more like a long never ending dull roar and numbness in my legs and feet that seldom sudsides...and frequent dibilitating headaches that cause a lot of confusion at times.
Mom and I had very little help all those years, more years than I can count and more diseases than I even knew existed. Most dementia caregivers I have found over the years experience much of the same thing-the feelings of being deserted by a world that does not care or understand. Caregivers have been pretty much my only friends over the years... And when I lost her and many others at the same time I expereinced a crushing lonliness and fear that cannot be described. My teeth caved in, my roof caved in, everything in the house broke from the appliances to the washing machine to the computer, the shower caved in...I had walked around with a painful abcess tooth and a bunch of skin cancer and pain from injuries for many years that was untreated for a long time and some new problems developed. I have recieved some help and for that I am grateful, but the crises continues...basically because I needed help finding work I could do with three degrees with distinction and honors but now outdated and my skills have declined quite a bit from the fear and the total isolation for so many many years. I had been given medication that had made me dreadfully ill and nearly killed me, it did ruin my hearing. When the roof caved and the floor buckled the house became flooded with black mold and I became very ill till it passed. My garden died. The only visitors that came were some real estate investors that had been to a "pennies on the dollar" seminar to harrass me and some young idiot social workers that complained about their jobs and yelled and gave illegal advice but did not have the employment programs they had promised, only insults and yelling.
Oh there were people that said they would help, but usually they did not, they mostly yelled at me...because I wanted to save my poor beat up old home and perhaps at some point parlay it into an income property or community service project of some sort that I have not yet been able to identify, to give myself an income and leave a legacy in my mom's name rather than end up homeless and destitute without even social security credits or a way to feed myself and my only companion-my beloved cat. caregivers do not get benefits... or help or understanding of the situation they have found themselves in from trying to do the right thing.
I knew I should have replaced the old broken down car I have that almost never runs when I was able, but there was no income and so many other broken things so I didn't and it broke down again and again and again and nobody would even give me a ride anywhere. In fact, I lost my mom even because the car was broken down then a few years ago, and my feet were broken and I was unable to walk to the nursing facility she was at to take care of her myself after she fell and broke a hip on some tubing and by the time I arrived she had been dehydrated and starved into a coma and given a deadly sepsis from a frequent infection she often suffered until I had learned myself from experience how to diagnose it from instinct and experience and to prevent it, but i missed a few days and the "workers" in that hellish awful place had no such instinct or skills.
Anyway, well over a year ago, some rodents ate wires in the car and every major electrical compnent burned out in a chain reaction, the car breaking down again each time I had it repaired again before I could even get it home. I tried to run it every day a little to keep the battery charged, it was good for one start a day usually but it would leave me stranded again and again if I stopped somewhere...and now the timing belt and water pump are out as well and the car has been at another shop again for weeks...and I have been stranded here and ill all winter, isolated and ill a lot and in pain...not knowing what to do about anything and with the computer and the phone out a lot too...but some kind people even mailed me food and some other assistance to keep me alive so yes I am grateful for that but I still do not know what to do. I don't just need money, i don't really even want to ask for it...I need to find a rewarding way to make a living and a way to help others but i don't know what that would be the world has become so...cynical...I need to vet my cat, I need to save my home, I need clothing and food and help and medical care, I need to recover from all the tragedy and the years and years of constant pain and crises. I want the vacation I never had while i tended diapers and oxygen and wounds and screaming etc while people sent me form letters at Christmas bragging about their cruises as my teeth fell out.
I do not know if my old car can be salvaged I only know I am stranded and they don't even want to give me a ride. If i find a way to do a project maybe I can find a new community, this place is pretty but it is mean.
My dream has always been to find a way to form a foundation to help others like myself that have fallen through all the cracks because they gave their lives to help somebody that couldn't help themselves and has no more left...but it is beyond my skills alone and I need to find others to help if that is possible....anywayThis is getting too long and I am in considerable pain today, so I apologize for the length of this and all the typos and errors and I thank you for your consideration and understanding. Peace.
It is hard to explain the Journey of Alzheimer's disease and demenetia to anyone that has never experienced it, it was and remains a journey of greif and loss and solitude that is indescribable. My mom was also legally blind and suffered from over a dozen other deadly diseases. Mom has been gone quite a while now but the journey continues for myself as I suffer from PTSD and some sometimes pretty extreme pain, as I write this I am in pain and confused and frightened and a broken tooth and suffering from hypothermia as well since the furnace died for the third time and now I cannot fix it...as I suffered some pretty severe spinal injuries many years ago...I sometimes was unable to walk and hid out, unable to get any medical care for myself and subjected to a lot of emotional abuse as My problem was invisable, three crushed disks...so sometimes able to function or even have atletic periods. The pain I am having now is different than it was in those early years...not the crushing attacks of crippling pain, but more like a long never ending dull roar and numbness in my legs and feet that seldom sudsides...and frequent dibilitating headaches that cause a lot of confusion at times.
Mom and I had very little help all those years, more years than I can count and more diseases than I even knew existed. Most dementia caregivers I have found over the years experience much of the same thing-the feelings of being deserted by a world that does not care or understand. Caregivers have been pretty much my only friends over the years... And when I lost her and many others at the same time I expereinced a crushing lonliness and fear that cannot be described. My teeth caved in, my roof caved in, everything in the house broke from the appliances to the washing machine to the computer, the shower caved in...I had walked around with a painful abcess tooth and a bunch of skin cancer and pain from injuries for many years that was untreated for a long time and some new problems developed. I have recieved some help and for that I am grateful, but the crises continues...basically because I needed help finding work I could do with three degrees with distinction and honors but now outdated and my skills have declined quite a bit from the fear and the total isolation for so many many years. I had been given medication that had made me dreadfully ill and nearly killed me, it did ruin my hearing. When the roof caved and the floor buckled the house became flooded with black mold and I became very ill till it passed. My garden died. The only visitors that came were some real estate investors that had been to a "pennies on the dollar" seminar to harrass me and some young idiot social workers that complained about their jobs and yelled and gave illegal advice but did not have the employment programs they had promised, only insults and yelling.
Oh there were people that said they would help, but usually they did not, they mostly yelled at me...because I wanted to save my poor beat up old home and perhaps at some point parlay it into an income property or community service project of some sort that I have not yet been able to identify, to give myself an income and leave a legacy in my mom's name rather than end up homeless and destitute without even social security credits or a way to feed myself and my only companion-my beloved cat. caregivers do not get benefits... or help or understanding of the situation they have found themselves in from trying to do the right thing.
I knew I should have replaced the old broken down car I have that almost never runs when I was able, but there was no income and so many other broken things so I didn't and it broke down again and again and again and nobody would even give me a ride anywhere. In fact, I lost my mom even because the car was broken down then a few years ago, and my feet were broken and I was unable to walk to the nursing facility she was at to take care of her myself after she fell and broke a hip on some tubing and by the time I arrived she had been dehydrated and starved into a coma and given a deadly sepsis from a frequent infection she often suffered until I had learned myself from experience how to diagnose it from instinct and experience and to prevent it, but i missed a few days and the "workers" in that hellish awful place had no such instinct or skills.
Anyway, well over a year ago, some rodents ate wires in the car and every major electrical compnent burned out in a chain reaction, the car breaking down again each time I had it repaired again before I could even get it home. I tried to run it every day a little to keep the battery charged, it was good for one start a day usually but it would leave me stranded again and again if I stopped somewhere...and now the timing belt and water pump are out as well and the car has been at another shop again for weeks...and I have been stranded here and ill all winter, isolated and ill a lot and in pain...not knowing what to do about anything and with the computer and the phone out a lot too...but some kind people even mailed me food and some other assistance to keep me alive so yes I am grateful for that but I still do not know what to do. I don't just need money, i don't really even want to ask for it...I need to find a rewarding way to make a living and a way to help others but i don't know what that would be the world has become so...cynical...I need to vet my cat, I need to save my home, I need clothing and food and help and medical care, I need to recover from all the tragedy and the years and years of constant pain and crises. I want the vacation I never had while i tended diapers and oxygen and wounds and screaming etc while people sent me form letters at Christmas bragging about their cruises as my teeth fell out.
I do not know if my old car can be salvaged I only know I am stranded and they don't even want to give me a ride. If i find a way to do a project maybe I can find a new community, this place is pretty but it is mean.
My dream has always been to find a way to form a foundation to help others like myself that have fallen through all the cracks because they gave their lives to help somebody that couldn't help themselves and has no more left...but it is beyond my skills alone and I need to find others to help if that is possible....anywayThis is getting too long and I am in considerable pain today, so I apologize for the length of this and all the typos and errors and I thank you for your consideration and understanding. Peace.
Organisator
Bob Martin
Organisator
Albuquerque, NM
