Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now-life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart.
The sum of the story as told bu the words of Cainan's loving mother.......
I get a little teary typing that... mostly because as I explain treatment options here in a bit, this will probably not be the last time he deals with this. We went into the open room across the hall while Cainan played with the nurses and they shared the results of the brain biopsy. They explained to us that there are types 1-4 of brain tumors, 1-2 are easier to handle, 3-4 are much more difficult. Cainan has type 4, this is the most difficult and aggressive type. Treatment will go one of 2 ways. They will either start by a surgery removing the tumor and then follow up with radiation/chemo or they will just start the radiation/chemo. Pros and cons, they like to try to do the surgery first because once you start the radiaiton the tumor gets pissed off and swells. The more tumor there is to swell the bigger it gets and the more pressure it puts on the areas around it. In Cainan's case this would mean his speech, his right arm and right leg. So if they can get the tumor smaller before they begin that is good, this type of tumor they can never remove all of it because it has microscopic legs branching out and it will always come back. Now, the major negative to this option is that because of the very close proximity to these major functioning areas in his brain, if they do the surgery there is a good chance that he will come out of it with side effects I mentioned above, but they won't get better like they could when the swelling comes down from the radiation/chemo alone option. Along with this he will be getting decent doses of steroids to keep brain swelling down which means he will be getting puffy again (along with joint pain and emotional swings). However, unlike everything else we were used to, germs will not be an issue. They even said he can go to school (now he will have radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks so I don't know how much he can make it to at times... and he will be fluffy from the steroids and bald so if some kid ever makes fun of him I will drop kick them) and most treatment will be outpatient and done at the Liberty Campus so that cuts our drive in half (we will be driving there... a lot). Over the weekend their goal was to take an indepth look at the pathways of the brain and see if the brain surgeon thinks it would be beneficial to try the surgery or if it is too risky. We will hear Tuesday at our next appointment. They were very honest with us in the fact that neither option holds much hope in their eyes for a long term solution. They said it will get better after treatment and then it will come back harder and this will be an uphill battle. Were we devisated... to say the least. Have we been pissed, depleated, wanted to punch things, bawled our eyes out, thought horrible thoughts, thought about things no parent should ever have to, wanted to give up, have so many unanswered questions that we can't function... yep. Do we still have moments of these... yep. But guess what, staying there does nothing. Trying to figure this out does nothing. Trying to answer questions about the future and what to do does nothing. Being angry, upset, and fearful does nothing... except take away from what we have now and what we have worked so hard for our family to become. So, I go back to the verse above: "Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now-life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart." A good friend told me tonight (man, surround yourselves with good friends for moments like this) "God does not will bad things, but He will work them." This is not God's plan, but He can do good through this just like He has the past 2 times. People tell us all the time, they don't know how we do this. Well, let me tell you, we don't either! All we know is that the alternative freaking sucks. You don't go through crap like this the same... you just don't. You either come out bitter or you come out better and we will try our hardest, no matter what, to come out better. So, things to pray for: that the doctors come up with the plan for treating Cainan that will have the least amount of negative impact on him, that we can continue to live one day at a time and not overwhelm ourselves with all of the big things coming up, for our family, for Cainan's spirits as he begins this journey he doesn't fully understand, for Gideon that he feels loved and safe, for Patrick and I to continue to communicate and love and lean and rely on eachother and God, for direction in how to live life in this situation (do we keep it as normal as we can or do we stop and just make this and being together our life), and for a miracle. God is still in the miracle business and if we don't ask He can't come through. I have asked friends "when do you stop believing and asking for miracles because you are tired of and afraid of disappointment" and without hesitation they said, you never stop. So we will never stop.
- David Yoder
- Celeste Farmer
- Marti ErnstBosh
- Keith Cartwright
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