I have a story to tell..a journey of devastation, heartbreak and hope..
From the moment your little sister burst through my door screaming for me to come help save you, to me running into that room and seeing you lay lifeless on the floor with your brother doing compressions on your chest while saying “ come on Ceejay “ . As I hit the floor on my knees by your body and take over compressions so that your brother could breathe life back into you, the two of us switching on and off with breaths and compressions, all the while begging, pleading and praying for you to just breathe. Your brother and I saying “ please Ceejay try, come on buddy you can do this, don’t leave us buddy , you can’t do this bud you have to breathe!” Over and over we tried Til the ambulance crew came and took over . And seeing familiar in John J Daly, BJ Thorne and Sheree Smales in taking over your fight for life and knowing that you were in good hands. To telling your mommy on the phone to please hurry and get to the hospital, flying to Montrose hospital to make sure you weren’t there alone, to walking out into the parking lot by the ambulance as it awaits the first helicopter to take you to CMC . To having them tell me you have a pulse and are breathing on your own. To riding with your Uncle and Grandma to CMC where your Mommy and Daddy are there waiting for you to arrive and walking in and seeing the total devastation of your parents. To riding with your parents to Danville as a second helicopter takes you there, not knowing what to expect when getting there. All the while trying to calm and support your parents along the way. Arriving at Danville to the awaiting Chapman and having to wait with your mommy and daddy for them to come get us too see you. Standing at the end of your hospital bed as mommy and daddy rush to your side crying uncontrollably and kissing your forehead as holding your hand, as the doctor tries to explain what is happening and not to have false hope and that your brain has massive swelling and that it will Get worse. You are hooked up to so many machines, as you are so valiantly trying to breathe and your lungs filling up, as mommy and daddy stand on one side of you holding your hand and I on the other side grasping your other hand telling you to breathe! “ just breathe harder buddy, just breathe and push that junk out of your lungs” I know you could hear me because each time we said it you would take such a deep breathe and so much brown fluid would come up out of the tube in your throat. Watching as mommy and daddy tell you they love you and are so proud of you, that they aren’t mad at you, that please just keep fighting and come back to us, as the tears run out the side of your eyes and pool in your ears and your mommy and daddy wipe them away. To the calm before the storm and you take a seizure and code, they do compressions on you and stop breathing on your own and have to be hooked up to a breathing machine. Your daddy crying uncontrollably and totally devastated. The doctor coming in and saying that your brain and body just took another huge damaging hit and that it didn’t look good. Your sister collapsing to her knees crying out in despair asking God not to take you. To your family gathered around you. Your mommy and daddy making the decision that no parent should have to make but somehow gathered the strength to make. Deciding that to follow your wishes in becoming an organ donor, knowing that you would want to save other children’s lives, putting what you would want ahead of their comfort. As they pump your little body full of medicine to keep you going, all the while mommy and daddy are talking and trying to comfort you and are stroking your jet black curly hair and tenderly running their fingers down the side of your face, whispering in your ears, kissing your forehead saying we love you baby. To sitting in a seperate room with your mommy listening to the gift of life director reading off what can be donated from you to other children , while daddy is in with you holding your hand. Watching with your parents and aunt Tami and uncle bob as they come in as a team of doctors perform a test to see if your brain is alive, to the moment when they confirm with mommy and daddy that you are brain dead and your daddy hits the floor in total devastation and your mommy cries uncontrollably. We try to comfort them , but it can not be done. As I watch your mommy be the strongest woman I have ever seen tell the doctor to do everything they can to preserve your gifts of life . The doctor tells your mommy and daddy that it is now up to you and you are in the drivers seat. They tell us they have to wait 12 hours and do the brain test again to make it official. I sit by your bedside for most of the night holding your swollen hand and gaze at your beautiful resting face. Telling you I love you, as your parents are doing the same. I gaze at all the machines and medicines they have you hooked up to. The tears just flow down my cheeks as mommy plays your favorite song from her iPod and sings it too you. The morning brings the second test and we won’t let them start it til aunt Tami and uncle bob get there because I know I can’t try to hold up both of your parents on my own. Another team of doctors come in and fill up the room as we all stand to the side as they do the second brain test and explain what they are finding and that you are in fact gone, they call your time of death at 11:18.. your mommy and daddy lose it, they cant be consoled. The hospital had given you and your siblings teddy bears and as I watch your mommy cut a lock of your hair and stuff it in your bear, she asks me to sew it up, as I am using sutures and stitching up your bear for mommy , I am thinking this is just not real, tears are once again falling down my face onto your bear as I finish. Everyone loses it as your mommy and daddy sing to you your goodnight song for the last time all the while holding your hand and stroking your cheek. They take turns in kissing you and saying see you later, they cannot take anymore, I walk up to your bedside and reach over and kiss your forehead, whisper I will always love you , then lean down and kiss your swollen little hand and tell you I am so sorry that I failed you and couldn’t save you, I can’t stop crying at this point and walk to the end of your bed. You are gone but still had work to do in giving life to so many. As I watched your parents walk out of the room and all of us follow , my heart died right there . I am normally a strong person but you took me out by my knees and I have never cried so much in my life. You meant the world to me and so many. Your story does not end here Ceejay Smith! You fought til you could give life back to so many other children and your story IS being heard, your voice IS being heard! You were the most kindhearted, caring and loving person I know, you stood up for those who couldn’t and took their battle as your own, you have opened a lot of eyes and hearts, you made this world a better place and were a ray of sunshine, my world is so dark without you in it, I love you to the moon and back my precious boy!
I told this story in hopes that it would change how people treat each other and that if just one child is saved from bullying from this , then my precious nephew didn’t lose his battle with bullying in vain! Please talk to your children get them to talk, teach them to be kind to those who may be different and to stand up for those who cannot..
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