Alix-James Top Surgery FTM

I've been transitioning now for around 5 years. After waiting a year and a half to be seen by the Tavistock and Portman, I did a year of therapy with them. For then to be put on another year and a half waiting list despite them telling me it would only take 6 months to be seen by Charing Cross in London. After a lengthy wait, I was finally seen. It was amazing. It took me around 6 months from that appointment to be put on hormones due to the struggle with getting IVF funded (which didn't happen in the end due to myself not being about to fund the like 4 grand they were asking for)Due to the pandemic, reaching Charing Cross has been difficult. I've been on T now for over 7 months and still haven't heard anything about a follow up appointment. The worrying thing is my friend should have been getting Top Surgery in August but due to everything isn't and isn't getting any answers on where he needs to proceed now. This is where the panic set in. I can't live like this anymore. Going outside is becoming the most harrowing experience I have to face everyday. In 25`c heat I can't bare feeling like I have to wear hoodies all the time, and feeling ill because of the heat. I can't shower without a mental breakdown. I know that a lot of people will understand this isn't just an experience or feeling felt just by me. It's why I feel I could do this. I am reluctant because I don't like the idea of using other peoples money but I'm stuck in a rut and feel I have no other option to get myself out of this spiral. My goal is to have had top surgery before I go to uni in Sept of 2021. The thought of being able to live my life without having to answer questions or feel like I need to hide, I could literally cry. This is my hope for better days. I just want to enjoy life. I want to get rid of this suffocating dysphoria. I want to feel like myself. Thank you for all your time and consideration. It is greatly appreciated. If you need help yourself find me on Instagram @alixisawstr and I will do my best to help and support anyone and everyone who needs it. Again thank you so much.Alix-James.