AbbyGrace and A New Bed for Aidan!
Donation protected
Though this page is dedicated to Abby, this fundraiser is for my sweet son, who must’ve felt so neglected during these past months. I went into his room yesterday to finally clean it, (I had no energy when I was pregnant, and needed 2 blood transfusions when I I arrived at the hospital), so making sure that he was comfortable was not on the top of my list...I hardly even cooked for him.
Abby’s passing was just part of the story: The need that I have now is for the child that I still have here with me. I can’t help but feel a little bit of guilt that while all of my attention was focused on both my sickness and preparing for Abigail, I had no idea that my sons bed is literally sunken in, and the box springs are shard. He uses my back roller ball, and asks to go to the chiropractor often, so now it all makes sense. I’m sure that his back had been hurting due to the condition of the bed that he sleeps in, yet has never complain to me about his bed. He is a huge 14 year old that needs a good, sturdy bed. I wish that I could go and purchase him one now, but I am unable to. If you feel led, please consider helping to purchase Aidan a new bed...the box spring is literally all broken up!
This is probably too lengthy, but I will allow will allow those who haven’t yet read Abby’s story to do so now. But I want to emphasize to other parents, (and continue to remind myself): special detail needs to paid to siblings when a new child is arriving. Sometimes when your current child is acting jealous, etc., it could be because they actually feel neglected...you’re actually neglecting them. Younger kids don’t have the perfect words, or will tell you straight out: but teenagers often will not tell you. Just something to consider!
This was Written last week:
It is hard to describe the way I feel writing this. I think both the words shock and numb would be the closest that I could come to describing it. As you all know, this past year has been full of ups and downs for all of us, but for me in particular, the swing of emotions surrounded by the news of the baby girl that my Father in Heaven blessed me with. After all of the sickness, isolation (COVID), and personal shame and struggles that I had to overcome, my Baby Abigail became my companion. She was my person that I talked to throughout the day. Similar to Tom Hanks and that ball, except she heard me and I heard her.
Very soon after learning of the life that I was growing inside of me, my entire life took on a new meaning. My sole purpose was two fold: take continue to take care of Aidan, loving and supporting him through these teenage years and to plan for Abigail, while keeping her safe! I was convinced that she would be my reward in the end, not just because of everything that I’d been through (we’d been through together), but she represented hope and newness for my family!
The first notable thing that I have to acknowledge is the overwhelming love and support that I felt from everyone. I was hard on myself and felt very condemned. But the love shown to me in my initial stages of sharing with others, until the very end, was one of the truest demonstrations of Yeshua through His Body that I’d personally been a recipient of! So thank you to everyone for every congratulations, word of encouragement, excitement and prayer. They were so important to hear in times when I felt that she was a blessing and when I questioned if that were true. It was those long, or even brief interactions with you all, the conversations that I had with my Abba and the word which led me to a place of such joy and excitement in anticipation!
On Thursday, July 1, 2020, Abigail was 39 weeks, still in my womb with one week to go! For whatever reason, I didn’t feel my little Dancer moving that entire morning. To make a long story much shorter, I called my doctor, who sent me to the Hospital Emergency Room where it was confirmed by 3 different methods that there was no heartbeat. No words here... I delivered my beautiful baby girl on Friday, July 2nd at 8:14a.m. She weighed 6 pounds and 2 ounces, with the most beautiful full head of black straight hair. The reason that she suddenly stopped moving that morning was that somehow the umbilical cord had gotten wrapped around her neck a total of 4 times. (Sorry to be so graphic). Fortunately, she felt no pain. So I had to deliver her, and believe it or not, delivering her was not the hardest thing that I had to do. The staff was amazing, and allowed me to spend my hospital stay loving on my Abby. She was so beautiful, and they let her stay in the room with me. The HARDEST part of the entire process was day 4 when I had to leave her!
But, even in that, there were so many beautiful stories from that day that I’ll share someday! Today is July 8th, 2020 and I feel such a huge void in my being! I am in a better place now to talk to people, but I am very emotional, as you can probably imagine. Since leaving the hospital on Sunday, I’ve had to prepare a funeral and burial for my baby girl! My son, family and friends have had to grieve the loss of not just Abigail Grace, but the hope that she brought with her. I don’t understand it all, and I am not even in a place that I want to share the inner/private talks that I’ve been having with my Father...or not having: I am just trying my best to live moment by moment, adjusting to our new normal.
This is one of those situations in life that takes you by surprise and rocks you to the core. So please know that I appreciate every offer of help that I’ve received so far. I honestly don’t know what we need: I’m having a hard time even desiring basic necessities because honestly she was considered in every future plan that I’d made, and her being in my thoughts hasn’t lessened. I invite you all to go to a special website that I will post to regularly to keep you updated. It will also allow you to offer support.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/abbygrace2020
Grief is a very personal and individual thing: and I do know that I will need each of you at some point...even if it’s just to hear you say her name. Please text, but understand that I may not be able to respond: it’s very encouraging either way. There may be meals, (mainly for Aidan) because I haven’t had much of an appetite. Sometime I may call you just to hear about you and not think about my own grief, or I may call to cry. Even going for walks, etc. so many things that could be, and I have no idea of what that may or may not look like. I can’t see past today right now. But someday, sooner or later, I’m sure I’ll need a loving friend! So thank you for both offering, and also understanding. The last song Abigail and I danced to was Psalm 145, sung by Shane and Shane. For some reason I’d like to end this with me and Abby's final dance: Psalm 145. Once again, I love and appreciate everyone that has walked this journey with me, Aidan and Abby!
Blessings, and love to you all!!
Candace Neal
Abby’s passing was just part of the story: The need that I have now is for the child that I still have here with me. I can’t help but feel a little bit of guilt that while all of my attention was focused on both my sickness and preparing for Abigail, I had no idea that my sons bed is literally sunken in, and the box springs are shard. He uses my back roller ball, and asks to go to the chiropractor often, so now it all makes sense. I’m sure that his back had been hurting due to the condition of the bed that he sleeps in, yet has never complain to me about his bed. He is a huge 14 year old that needs a good, sturdy bed. I wish that I could go and purchase him one now, but I am unable to. If you feel led, please consider helping to purchase Aidan a new bed...the box spring is literally all broken up!
This is probably too lengthy, but I will allow will allow those who haven’t yet read Abby’s story to do so now. But I want to emphasize to other parents, (and continue to remind myself): special detail needs to paid to siblings when a new child is arriving. Sometimes when your current child is acting jealous, etc., it could be because they actually feel neglected...you’re actually neglecting them. Younger kids don’t have the perfect words, or will tell you straight out: but teenagers often will not tell you. Just something to consider!
This was Written last week:
It is hard to describe the way I feel writing this. I think both the words shock and numb would be the closest that I could come to describing it. As you all know, this past year has been full of ups and downs for all of us, but for me in particular, the swing of emotions surrounded by the news of the baby girl that my Father in Heaven blessed me with. After all of the sickness, isolation (COVID), and personal shame and struggles that I had to overcome, my Baby Abigail became my companion. She was my person that I talked to throughout the day. Similar to Tom Hanks and that ball, except she heard me and I heard her.
Very soon after learning of the life that I was growing inside of me, my entire life took on a new meaning. My sole purpose was two fold: take continue to take care of Aidan, loving and supporting him through these teenage years and to plan for Abigail, while keeping her safe! I was convinced that she would be my reward in the end, not just because of everything that I’d been through (we’d been through together), but she represented hope and newness for my family!
The first notable thing that I have to acknowledge is the overwhelming love and support that I felt from everyone. I was hard on myself and felt very condemned. But the love shown to me in my initial stages of sharing with others, until the very end, was one of the truest demonstrations of Yeshua through His Body that I’d personally been a recipient of! So thank you to everyone for every congratulations, word of encouragement, excitement and prayer. They were so important to hear in times when I felt that she was a blessing and when I questioned if that were true. It was those long, or even brief interactions with you all, the conversations that I had with my Abba and the word which led me to a place of such joy and excitement in anticipation!
On Thursday, July 1, 2020, Abigail was 39 weeks, still in my womb with one week to go! For whatever reason, I didn’t feel my little Dancer moving that entire morning. To make a long story much shorter, I called my doctor, who sent me to the Hospital Emergency Room where it was confirmed by 3 different methods that there was no heartbeat. No words here... I delivered my beautiful baby girl on Friday, July 2nd at 8:14a.m. She weighed 6 pounds and 2 ounces, with the most beautiful full head of black straight hair. The reason that she suddenly stopped moving that morning was that somehow the umbilical cord had gotten wrapped around her neck a total of 4 times. (Sorry to be so graphic). Fortunately, she felt no pain. So I had to deliver her, and believe it or not, delivering her was not the hardest thing that I had to do. The staff was amazing, and allowed me to spend my hospital stay loving on my Abby. She was so beautiful, and they let her stay in the room with me. The HARDEST part of the entire process was day 4 when I had to leave her!
But, even in that, there were so many beautiful stories from that day that I’ll share someday! Today is July 8th, 2020 and I feel such a huge void in my being! I am in a better place now to talk to people, but I am very emotional, as you can probably imagine. Since leaving the hospital on Sunday, I’ve had to prepare a funeral and burial for my baby girl! My son, family and friends have had to grieve the loss of not just Abigail Grace, but the hope that she brought with her. I don’t understand it all, and I am not even in a place that I want to share the inner/private talks that I’ve been having with my Father...or not having: I am just trying my best to live moment by moment, adjusting to our new normal.
This is one of those situations in life that takes you by surprise and rocks you to the core. So please know that I appreciate every offer of help that I’ve received so far. I honestly don’t know what we need: I’m having a hard time even desiring basic necessities because honestly she was considered in every future plan that I’d made, and her being in my thoughts hasn’t lessened. I invite you all to go to a special website that I will post to regularly to keep you updated. It will also allow you to offer support.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/abbygrace2020
Grief is a very personal and individual thing: and I do know that I will need each of you at some point...even if it’s just to hear you say her name. Please text, but understand that I may not be able to respond: it’s very encouraging either way. There may be meals, (mainly for Aidan) because I haven’t had much of an appetite. Sometime I may call you just to hear about you and not think about my own grief, or I may call to cry. Even going for walks, etc. so many things that could be, and I have no idea of what that may or may not look like. I can’t see past today right now. But someday, sooner or later, I’m sure I’ll need a loving friend! So thank you for both offering, and also understanding. The last song Abigail and I danced to was Psalm 145, sung by Shane and Shane. For some reason I’d like to end this with me and Abby's final dance: Psalm 145. Once again, I love and appreciate everyone that has walked this journey with me, Aidan and Abby!
Blessings, and love to you all!!
Candace Neal
Organizer
Candace Neal
Organizer
Mission, KS
