A Wife losing her one true love, and family losing their Dad

Hi, my name is Mark, and I'm fundraising for my mother and family.

(Dad still smiling through it all)

(us In better times)

For many who know me, they know I am always willing to help when asked. This comes from my parents.

My mother, Maria, left me in the Philippines when I was barely a year old and came to Canada.

From her time here in the past 32 years, she has always been a caregiver. From dedicated home care to now working for the region at a nursing home, I've always asked her why she loves her job, and she says, "I wasn't able to take care of my own father and mother in their old age, so every resident, every person I care for, I treat them like they are my parents." Not many of us would be able to do the work of a PSW. It's tough. It involves heavy lifting, cleaning people, and caring for people. In our fast-paced lives, who in the generation sees this as their way to provide stewardship?

My father, Marlo, came to Canada in 1994. He met my mom at a church group. He told my mother he wanted to be with her. She replied, "I don't know if it'll work, I have a son back home." He looked her in the eye and told her, "If you're not married or with the father, it doesn't matter to me. I'll love him as much as I love you." That's the moment my mother fell in love with him.

Life is funny in how so many things are connected. My parents were married on May 11th, and my wife shares that same day as her birthday. They rushed to marriage and have been married ever since. Throughout all the hard times and good times, the focus of their love has always been their guiding force.

It's weird, right? To be able to tell the story of how you met your father. I met my father in 1996. When they were together, they would call me in the Philippines and prepare me to meet my dad. He's not a stepdad to me in any sense of the word. He's my father, the only one I've ever known and the only one I'll ever know. It's not often that people stick true to this vow to be someone's father, to treat someone as their kid from the first day. He did. From the first day to every day, he treated me as his child. Watching back videos of my dad, he doted on me non-stop while I was growing up, being my best friend. He gave me the love of film, and the ability to be able to talk to anyone about anything.

To those who know me, my internal strength and drive come from my mom. She's the strongest woman I know. Her ability to get the job done, never tire, and trudge through has been instilled in me. For all the goofiness, charisma, friendliness, and ability to see the positive in everything, that comes from my dad.

My parents lived the immigrant dream. They came to Canada with nothing in their pockets, helped by their family, and built a life in a country we're lucky to call home. They easily could have been together and not ever brought me from the Philippines. I know I'm blessed, as many kids get left behind. They brought two more great kids into the world. Got to see all their kids graduate high school. Watched as they matured and worked hard at their jobs. This is what we're brought up to do.

I knew my dad had a cough. My mom was going into shoulder surgery, as she had torn ligaments from all the heavy lifting at the nursing home. On May 9th, they both had appointments. My mother to have her surgery, my dad to have some growths checked out. While my mom made it out of the hospital that day, my dad would be going in. The night before was the last time my parents were able to share their bed together.

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. I sat there wondering, why didn't he get checked earlier. Judging how easy my life is. My dad worked a factory job. He didn't get paid for sick days. He needed to make sure the mortgage was paid. He needed to make sure my mother and siblings were taken care of. He had a cough that wouldn't go away. He shared with the union lead his problems. But his biggest problem was to take care of the family. I know many of us have gone through learning this, and I know many more will. My dad is 59. Working in the factory, working hard. He couldn't afford to take time off. He couldn't fight for his health. Trust me, I feel the same way in my blessed corporate job that cares about my well-being.

I sat there as the doctor came and notified us fast. The cancer had metastasized in my father's body. It started in the kidney and went to his lungs, heart, legs, and back. It was already too late. Chemo and radiation might hurt him more than it did good. I struggled to watch my father grapple and grasp at his mortality. When I was my age, my mother also lost her father to lung cancer, but that was years of smoking. My father was the picture of health, working out, and wanting to be healthy. He let us know to get our affairs in order. My Wife quickly arranged an impromptu wedding at the hospital so my dad could be a part of it. He will never get to see my siblings get married or meet his grandchildren.

Dad came home at the beginning of June. He did a few radiation treatments, and his body could not handle it. In the span of three weeks, he has lost his ability to walk, stand, use the bathroom by himself, and is now losing his ability to speak and be coherent. He's currently on an oxygen machine, and now he has more medication to help with his palliative state. My mom doesn't want him to be in hospice, as she doesn't want to lose seeing him. She wants to give him all the care she can bad shoulder and all.

In an age where it's so easy to break relationships, my parents' love has always been true. Through good times and tough times. I never once heard my dad ever badmouth my mother, raise his voice at her, or not support her in what she needed. He truly set her on a pedestal above all. Whenever my mother would have to go through her bouts of depression or mental health sickness, my dad stuck by her through them, especially when mental health had a stigma. Some co-workers even told him to divorce his crazy wife, and I know he never even gave that one ounce of thought. My mom would always say shes big, and my dad would always tell her shes beautiful no matter how she is, and I know he meant it. I'm shattered to know they wont be annoying each other late into their eighties.

I think it's in our immigrant mindset to not ask for help. Even with making this GoFundMe, I had that internal shame of asking for help. However, seeing the family come out and support my dad and mom has given me the confidence to do this. It is okay to ask for help and generosity and to be able to pay it forward at a later time. The reason I'm so good at interviewing is my parents used to interview me relentlessly on camera as a child. The reason I'm involved in card games is my parents pushed me to pursue my passions. In the past, I would have felt very shy to do something like this, thinking that we all have to figure things out on our own, but this situation has made me realize it's always better to share what you're going through.

My mom and dad both work labor-intensive jobs with hourly wages. My dad worked himself to death to be able to keep the family house together. While I work with my siblings and family on how to support my mother after my father's impending passing, I want to make sure my father's wishes are supported and my family has stability. My sister is completing a 5th year in high school currently, so her ability to help is much harder.

I know we are all going through our issues and challenges in the times we are living in. That's why i was hesitant to ever post anything like this. However, any amount helps or even just sharing or hearing my parent's story. We are already so thankful to those who have helped and supported us already. We're so lucky to be surrounded by loved ones.

This money would go towards supporting my mother with my father's cremation cost and providing a safety net for them to have help with their bills until the end of the year. Due to her recent shoulder surgery, my mother can't go back to work anytime soon, and she will also need to take time to process and deal with my father's passing.

My dad was such a goofball, but he will be remembered by his family, friends, and co-workers for always having a smile on his face and never liking books unless they had pictures.

Thank you for reading and sharing.