Facing My Demons On The PCT

Hello,  

My name is Jennifer Andrade and I am survivor of childhood abuse, rape as a pre-teen and adult, and verbal and emotional abuse from the military. I served over 5 years as a medic/nurse in the United States Air Force and I was medically separated in June 2015.  

While I was active duty, I was bullied by a high-ranking supervisor, which triggered severe symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had suicidal ideation with poor access to care for Mental Health resources at my base. After many humiliating attempts of fighting for treatment, my Command finally sent me to Intensive Trauma Treatment. My life changed forever.  

I learned about PTSD and how it affected my life. I felt like everything about me originated or was created by the trauma of my past. I felt like I lost my identity, but I walked away with mindfulness of why I acted or felt certain ways, and awareness of the manufactured, negative beliefs that I created to survive the trauma.  
A year later, I declined even more. I had a very toxic home life, I felt unworthy to wear the uniform, and I did not know how to manage all these symptoms. I was dying painfully and slowly inside. I voiced my need for treatment to my leadership and I was sent to learn how to manage the demons that I battled with inside, night and day. Soon after my treatment, I went through a Medical Evaluation Board and the USAF decided I was no longer fit for duty. It was time to hang my uniform up for good.  

When I was on terminal leave (exiting the military), I decided that I could no longer be trapped to the toxic marriage that I was drowning in. I drove by myself from San Diego, CA to Columbus, OH to start a new life completely. I was extremely thankful to be close to my family, but I was struggling with the memories of my past and the loss of my military life.  

I started Pre-Nursing at the Ohio State University, where I met the Veteran Community and I started to feel like I was home. In October 2015, I was sexually assaulted by another Student Veteran that joined my Veteran friends to clean weapons. I did not know this person. He drugged me and raped me. I was in fear of losing my life.  

Since that event, I have been surviving on the edge for over a year. For once in my life, I had a voice and I fought for justice in court for over a year because of this event. I was not able to start healing during this time because I was constantly re-traumatized by new evidence, testimony, and the fear that I was not going to win the case. He was sentence with 1st degree felony for Rape, GSI, and sent to prison for the next 5 years. He will report for the rest of his life as a sex offender, every 90 days.  

During this case, I never stopped going to school. I attend an accelerated Nursing Program at Chamberlain College of Nursing. Since the case finally closed in October 2016, I could finally start healing and go to trauma therapy. Unfortunately, my symptoms with PTSD have become impossible to hide and uncontrollable with crying and depression. Now, I deal with forgetting how to speak or read sometimes, on top of the nightmares, insomnia, tremors, and other symptoms. For the safety of my real patients, I decided to drop out of the Nursing Program for now and focus on getting healthier.  

Now, I need your help. I have decided that I need to process what has happen to me and face my demons by putting my life to the challenge. In May 2017, I start hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, which is 2,650 miles from the Mexico border in CA, to the Canada border in WA. I would like to record my journey in hope of inspiring other Veterans that battle with PTSD to NEVER GIVE UP.  

I have learned through treatment that the most helpful source of understanding, healing, and not feeling alone is by listening to others and their battle with PTSD. I am very passionate about helping others, and I know that I can make a difference in someone's life by sharing my story, sharing my journey of healing.  

Any donations are greatly appreciated and used for gear, food, and shipping my resupplies as I hike for 5 months. Please help me find my peace and battle my demons. Please help me inspire the hopeless and share the proof that you can fight against the demons of PTSD. God Bless and thank you.

Sincerely,
Jenn