A Series of Unfortunate Hamsters

Pippity Squicket’s: A Series of Unfortunate Hamsters

The 77 Baudelaire Dwarf Hamsters were intelligent hamsters, and they were charming, and resourceful, and had fuzzy facial features, but they were extremely unlucky, and most everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery, and despair. Their story begins yesterday when they were left at a pet shelter in Brooklyn, New York by an aging, elderly woman who could no longer care for them or their tiny fuzzy faces.

I wish I could tell you the Baudelaire hamsters were on their way to The Pipsqueakery right now. I wish I could say that, but I can’t. Because as a purveyor of nonfiction stories I generally speak the truth.

In truth the hamsters are waylaid. A word which in this case means stopped, interrupted, or detained by trouble of some sort or another. They sit at an Animal Care Center in Brooklyn New York awaiting intervention of some kind, divine or funded by caring persons of the internet.

This intervention is already underway.

I have spent weeks of research and “years” crying myself to sleep in transport hell attempting to arrange their safe passage across these United States of America. Numerous agents belonging to a series of clandestine* organizations have agreed to convey their tiny-pawed selves across the necessary highways. Clandestine, here, means secretive or done secretly.  Though in this case the organizations are not clandestine at all, and are, in fact, quite public (Westchester Rescued Hamster Haven, transporters sponsored by Small Pet Select, and The Pipsqueakery).

This would be a perfect time to leave and pretend the rest of the story was just as happy and successful as the course of action laid out so far. Certainly I wish I could go back and change the history of the Baudelaire Hamsters so that 2 hamsters had never turned into 77, they had never been orphaned at a shelter in Brooklyn, and had never needed to embark on a (not-at-all) perilous journey into the heart of the midwest. I’m sorry to tell you this, but that is how the story went.

Instead, at this very moment, the humans of this pitiful tale prepare for a descent into misery, tribulation, and dire inconvenience which will occur shortly when waves of teensy hamsters crash upon the bulwarks of not just their home but their sanity as well.


But really, there are 77 hamsters coming to The Pipsqueakery next Sunday all the way from Brooklyn, New York (it was originally 87 hamsters, but 10 had to be euthanized because of severe injuries). Of those hamsters, 31 of them are potentially pregnant so I expect about 20 hamsters to give birth to litters in the next 3 weeks which will likely at least double the number of hamsters in this Series of Unfortunate Hamsters.


Large intakes like this are a lot of work and cost a lot of money which is why we are attempting to raise $10,000. Ultimately this will work out to less than $100 per hamster once births are accounted for. This will be used to provide transport cages, house them, feed them, get them vet care (which many will likely need since 10 had to be euthanized for injuries), provide toys for enrichment, and hopefully transport some of them to other rescues across the United States and Canada to find forever homes.


The Pipsqueakery is a 501(c)3 nonprofit small animal rescue and sanctuary. We provide care for medically and behaviorally needy rodents and rabbits, educates the public on their care, and find forever homes and rescue placement for healthy adoptable animals.

The Pipsqueakery focuses on the care of animals with medical conditions including paralysis, heart disease, diabetes, cancer, amputations, and dental disease. Our goal is to advance veterinary care and develop individual plans that prioritize accommodating the special needs of each animal to allow them to live a fulfilling life as independently as possible.


If you wish to donate items from our Amazon wishlist you can go to http://a.co/3TwUztu to find many items that we need. We will particularly need food and Kaytee Clean and Cozy bedding for this large intake.