Our Struggle & Journey...Continues

      (Updated 3/26/2013) 
       Welcome to my support and benefit page for the treatment of my hormone-based, infertility complications.  It isn't usually easy for one to admit their flaws or "defects", however after several years of struggling with my own defects I have finally come to terms that pronouncing or declaring my imperfection is not something in which I should be ashamed of. It is a part of me, a part of me in which I have no control of, despite my tears, and my constant, unending desire to change it. Nevertheless, I have reached a standstill in my life where my only option is to finally accept my flaw and by doing that, only then could I move forward towards the steps that will aid in the possibility of changing things. I have spent many days and nights in wonder, I've experienced resentment, anger, heartache, guilt and self-pity all because of my many failed attempts of conceiving a baby. I am now speaking out about my struggle and I am turning to others for support and sponsorship to help me make it to the next step towards finally seeking the remedial aid which could possibly grant me the chance of becoming a mother. I do however, have 2 amazing step-children (Little Matt 6 and Abby 5) who live at home with my husband and me. I have adapted and modified my life with the efforts and determination to be the best mother that I could be for them. I am eternally grateful to have them in my life, as they provide me with the chance to experience something that my heart has always yearned for, they provide me with the opportunity of motherhood. They refer to me as "mommy" and though such a simple word, it creates such an overemotional feeling within me. It's a feeling that I don't believe lyrics, words, or writing could really ever explain. I am a mother to them and I'm so happy to have them and thankful for the opportunity to be their "mother".  On the other hand, every other weekend I endure such a despondency and sadness of the reaffirmation and conformation that reminds me, they are in fact not mine. Every other weekend, and holidays, and mother's day, I am struck with the reality that, despite my position and my role in their lives, I am not truly their mother. Additionally, as thankful as I am for my 2 amazing (step) children, a part of me remains absent. It is a part of me that can only originate from within me. But it is more than just a part of myself that is missing, it is a part of something bigger, it is a part of us and our family, it's the sense of a connection, a connection that I want to feel with my husband and children, it is a connection that as a family, I strongly feel we all desire.

       With that being said, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for some time now. After several failed and inconclusive tests and procedures we have been referred to Southeastern Fertility Center out of Charleston, SC.  After some extensive tests and blood work we have learned that our probability of becoming pregnant will be challenging. Though this journey will be challenging, we hold high hopes and continue to remain optimistic. As we have acknowledged that though this will be tough, we still remain confident that it will not be impossible.  I am 27 years old and I have recently learned that I currently suffer from an elevated hormone usually detected in menopausal aged women. This is known as a high FSH level. FSH stands for follicle-stimulating hormone. Having high FSH levels means that the quality and the number of eggs produced are diminished. Levels of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) are an indication of how many eggs are left in a woman's ovaries. A high level means a woman does not have many eggs left, due to the body producing more and more FSH in an attempt to stimulate the ovaries. FSH levels rise as a woman approaches and enters menopause. Though high FSH is usually found in "older" women as they reach the end of their procreative years, younger women can also have a high FSH level.  And while it might mean that they may experience menopause early, it may still be possible for them to get pregnant. For more information on this subject and other infertility issues and topics you can go to www.conceiveonline.com/, http://www.advancedfertility.com/, www.highfshinfo.com/,  and www.centerforhumanreprod.com/ .   My particular treatment consists of several rounds of medications (oral and injections), various ultra sounds, monitoring, and then ending with a procedure known as IUI.  We have been advised that for our particular circumstance we need to do a minimum of 2 IUI cycles and a maximum of 4.  As many may be aware, these procedures are quite costly and continue to increase in cost if further treatments are required or suggested. Unfortunately our health/medical insurance does not cover any infertility or reproductive assistance. $5000 will benefit us with the achievement of at least the minimum required/suggested 2 full rounds of IUI treatments. If we had the additional needed time to save the money we would not ask for this type of aid, unfortunately we are in a bit of a time crunch. Our treatments and procedures are scheduled to begin in August. Due to the seriousness and the implacability of our infertility diagnosis as well as our probabilities, we have been suggested to initiate treatment sooner, rather than later. In the event that it is unsuccessful, we will have a short time span of proceeding on to the more aggressive and invasive (and comprehensibly much more costly) procedure/s. For that reason, we are asking for any aid and support that we can get to help cover our expenses and debt which we will begin to acquire upon receiving treatment. Any and all amounts of financial contributions or donations to my treatment will be profoundly helpful to us and deeply appreciated.  If it is ultimately decided that we have to progress on to advanced treatment we will then explore the several possibilities and options of grants, aids and loans for advanced infertility.  Please feel free to visit the Southeastern Fertility website at www.sefertility.com/ if you are interested in more information and familiarity regarding their many treatment options and possibilities. All prayers are also extremely appreciated and valued as we prepare to begin this new and trying chapter in our lives. Thank you so much in advance for your generosity, consideration, and kindness; as well as the constant encouragement, support, prayers and faith in our family. 

>>>UPDATE<<<
 That was 8 months ago and 2 full rounds of IUI's, unfortunately neither of them successful. After our last failed IUI in October, our doctor said that he would not move forward with a third IUI within the next several months. He felt that the holidays would not be an emotionally appropriate nor easy time to continue with treatment and we were not opposed to his suggestion. We were also hopeful in the possibility of becoming pregnant naturally, after undergoing these treatments and taking a "break" from the stress that comes along with the anticipation and waiting. Sadly that did not happen for us. After much contemplation, a lot of discussion, and even more back and forth we have been given a couple of options. Our doctor has discussed with us that he feels it is not towards our benefit to do more than a third IUI. He feels that if by a third I have not become pregnant then the likelihood of it happening is close to none. He has suggested and recommended to either go through with the 3rd IUI or skip the third IUI putting that money towards saving to "sooner than later" initiate IVF treatment (in vitro fertilization). During the early stages of my testing and diagnosis I was told that with my particular cause of infertility I was not likely to be a candidate for IVF however with further tests, bloodwork and FSH monitoring I am currently elligible for IVF as long as my FSH levels remain as they are and do not increase too rapidly. FSH levels rise as a woman gets older and approaches and enters menopause. As stated above, FSH levels are the remaining  number of eggs a woman has left of her ovarian reserve. A high level means a woman does not have many eggs left, due to the body producing more and more FSH in an attempt to stimulate the ovaries. At 28 years old my age is exclusively the sole remaining factor on my side. Yet even at 28, an exceptionally high FSH level is disadvantageous and exceptionally unfavorable in the pursuit of conception. Therefore, since my egg quantity is decreasing more so than the average woman of my age, if we (in any case) choose IVF, I have a compressed time frame allocated in which to do so due to the fear and caution of my increasing FS hormone levels. So again my options are as follows...1) Precede with the third IUI and hope that it works. But if it does not, then move on to IVF. Or option 2) forego the third IUI and put that money towards advancing straight to IVF. Whatever the decision, it has to be made sooner rather than later. We have thought about, contemplated, discussed, and I may even have somewhat obsessed over my options and the decision towards these options, either way we just keep running into walls. A third IUI is expensive as it is, and if it doesn't work IVF can be 6 to 8 to even 10 times plus, more costly. After so much research on this topics, we have learned thatcosts and fees can range between $12,000 to $30,000 depending on weather IVF is done with ones own eggs or donor eggs in addition to medications, commute etc. For information on IVF you can visit www.howmuchdoesivfcost.com , or www.centerforhumanreprod.com (other websites to be posted soon) With all of that being said, my husband and I have come to the distinct realization that we just simply and explicitly cannot afford these costs directly up front. Adding that, unfortunatly at this time, financing is not a realistic option for us; as it is with out doubt, question or dispute that we are absolutely and completely unable to currently sustain such a large amount of debt. Conflictingly, it is "at this time" in which I  must move forward towards the introductory phase(s) of the IVF program; such as the initial consultaion(s), patient treatment and program education, pre-cycle labs and testing, standard precept and protocols i.e.- bloodwork, labs, ultrasounds, pre-cycle fsh monitoring. Needless to say, the expenses of the standard pre-IVF process is also increasingly collective in its self.  For these reasons I am yet again turning to you all and asking everyone I know to spread my story and my fight to everyone that they know and on to everyone that others may know. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me campaign, fund raise, save and reach my goal! Please don't just glance at my story in passing and like it (THIS IS HUGE) please help by doing whatever you can EVERY contribution counts!  I know that I am asking for a lot! I know that I am not the only person struggling with this, but I am asking for friends, family, friends of friends, family of friends, friends of family, and families of family to PLEASE help me to  make this attempt of trying to conceive happen! I am honeslty pleading for everyone to not give up on me and my dream of having a baby as I have yet to give up on myself. Help me make this a LARGELY widespread movement. Help me campaign, pledge drive, and fun raise to reach the much-needed goal for a fighting chance and opportunity of pursuing my devoted desire of having a baby of my own; a part of me, a part of my husband. A familiar little personality that I recognize, a part of my mother and my father, a derivative of my grandparents and their parents, the continuing link of my family, my heritage and my blood. I know that blood and history won't make me a better parent nor will it make my child any more special than he or she already would be, I know that it will not make me love my children anymore or any less, as that has already been witnessed throughout the relationship, affection and love that I have for my husband's children, who I wholeheartedly claim as my own and always will. But there's is a missing part of me that I cannot simply nor easily explain. It's looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my mother and finding my father in my reflection. It's a completeness in my heart as my parents stare back at me through my reflection. It's my grandmother's hands that I notice when I put pen to paper or cut vegetables for supper. It is the nature in me that outweighs the nurture. And it is the psychological, emotional, and physical bond in which I have with my family that I yearn to share with a child of my own. I could live without birthing a child of my own. And I could live without the physical bond or the inherited nature, of a biological child. But I'm not sure that I can live with the thought of never giving it my all and not trying every single attempt that I could. I don't know that I could happily move forward after throwing in the towel without doing all that I can do and all that can be done. And if after I've done everything that I can do, and there are no further options for me to utilize, then and only then will I be satisfied in knowing that I never gave up, I tried and did everything that I could to make it happen. Then and again only then, will I believe that was not meant to be. With the exception of the last year I have never asked anything of anyone, nor have I ever expected anything from anyone, but this is something big, bigger than me and bigger than I ever could have fathomed myself requesting. This is something that in my heart I feel that I have to ask for, I can't do this on my own and I NEED everyone who is willing to do so, to help me. PLEASE post this on your page, your friends pages and ask them to do the same, and so on and so on! Take this journey with us and fight with us as we prepare to do everything we can to make this dream come true! I will make myself as transparent as i have to. I will answer all questions, I will keep everyone informed and updated with all that pertains to this journey of perserverance, faith, hope, strength and genuine belief in a powr much great than I will ever fully comprehend! I know there is stregth in numbers! I believe in the chance and the possibility that we can come together and put forth every effort into spreading my plea and stretching it as far as it can go! It takes the initial spark of consideration then a sence of vigilance which urges us to push, struggle, drive forward and work hard with ambition, determination, persistance to help someone keep hope, not lose faith and enthusiastically believe that we can make this happen. God does everything for a reason, but so do we. Please help me have a reason to stay strong, faithful and optomistic. I've given you all my reasons for why I need this help. Please dont let there be a reason for you not to help me, EVERY donation, contribution, and all the support does a great deal!!! I appreciate you all more than I will ever be able to express!!! Please fight for me! 
For ANY question, ideas, thoughts or suggestions regarding my story, campaign, fundaising, or anything else please feel free to contact me at [email redacted].  I will be happy to reply and answer or talk about whatever questions or comments you may have for me. Additional info regarding my treatment and other procedure options will be posted as an update on the comment section of this page.
Personal donations are also acepted for those who do not want to donate through this page, email me for information. Working on a public donation fund, if anyone has any knowledge on how to do this advice please feel free to email with direction and or information. Thank you all again!!!