June 9, 2014 (it's all beginning)
I'm SO POSITIVE, I'm pissing protons!! — feeling determined.
October 14, 2014
Captains log. Stardate 10/14/2014 . I have reached the halfway mark of my current journey. Stage 3 colon cancer can "SUCK IT" - I'VE GOT THIS!
Woke with the usual resistance, yet now familiar feelings, of what to expect on chemo day. Only I was surprised. ... dog walk revealed an incredibly gorgeous sunrise, temp & smell intoxicating, neighbor chat, then a beautiful rainbow. Rainbow (no rain) kept changing & growing.... so beautiful!
I feel so BLESSED to have my beautiful daughter with me for my 1/2-way milestone (& her birthday - 15th). Shout out to my son-in-law - Philip, for allowing me to have her for this week.
All sorts of "weird" feelings, "I've made it this far - wow" "this is going pretty fast" "only 6 more..." " Holy crap how the f*@k did I get here" "God must have a plan" ... blah blah blah ....
Life altering. Life revealing. Life changing. Self awareness of all sorts... still unfolding, still revealing, ...
All the while, the world never slows down. Keeps turning. The ride continues. You can't get off the ride til the ride is done! In the meantime, keep your hands & arms inside the ride at all times for your protection & you'll be fine. At least that's what "they" say at amusement parks. This however, is not Cedar Point or Disney, or .... This is Life. Just roll with it.... like the tides. (I do love the beach!) ♡
All for now..... thank you EVERYONE for ALL... too many & too much to list... just KNOW I LOVE YOU BACK!!! ♡♡♡♡
— feeling determined with Corrin Flora at The Hope Center for Cancer Care.
October 28, 2014 (Good News!)
Captains log. . Stardate 10/28/2014 . . Today is a GOOD day! Each week I get the results of my blood work prior to "hook up". Today I am "NORMAL"! You read it correctly. .. I have it in writing. Nurses argue - normal on paper. ... physician's assistant says "your #'s are normal - you have henna on your hands... you are not 'normal'... lol
I forgot to get my copy of the results. When I asked for a copy, this is what she brought for me to frame!
Today is a GOOD day!
Sisters are always the greatest friends in the world! I love my sisters so very much. I love how they can make me laugh! Thanks for that. BTW - Pam &Gayle I'm the normal one!! HA! — feeling positive
January 12, 2015 (Her final round)
Captain's log... stardate 1/12/2015 ... we "think" we have it all figured out. We "think" it's all under "control". So it would seem. ....
We set the table for guests. Await the arrival. We prepare; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, joyfully.... an excited tone fills the air.
Then the unseen/unknown occurs & they aren't coming. So you adjust your attutude.
Or do you? Feelings arise.... thoughts arise. .. BUT I WAS SO PREPARED.....!!!
NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??!!
Tomorrow was to be my last chemo. My end to the 6 month challenge beyond words, beyond prepare, beyond belief. .... beyond .....
Then a phone call changes it all....
Somewhere there is a "plan", a Divine pupose, an "agreement", a "sacred contract", some "bullshit" reason ..... for ALL this.
SO- IN THIS MOMENT. ...
Just for this moment, I will not worry
Just for this moment, I will let go of anger
Just for this moment, I will do honest work
Just for this moment, I will do/cause no harm to all living things
Just for this moment, I will give thanks for my many BLESSINGS.
I AM PRESENT.
I AM ....................................
— feeling disappointed.
- Linda Hahn
- Pat Barfay
- John C Bleacher
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