J’s Top Surgery Fund

My name is Jess and I’m raising money to help cover the cost of my upcoming top surgery.

One of my earliest childhood memories is running around shirtless with two of my childhood guy friends. Their parents stopped me and reprimanded me, sending me to cover up. I remember wondering what about me was different, why I had to feel suffocated while the boys were free to play unencumbered by polyester. It felt deeply unfair to me.

I spent many years quietly denying my chest dysphoria. I just needed to get a boob job, I’d reassure myself. Everything would be fine once I could fill out tops and dresses more proportionally. I’d watch hours and hours of transition content because I found it “interesting”, but I never allowed myself to think for one moment that could be an option for me. I just needed bigger boobs. That would fix me.

Then, I got on hormonal birth control and my body changed pretty drastically. I finally had the chest I’d been wishing for, but when I saw myself in the mirror, I felt sick to my stomach. I felt so detached from my body that I contemplated suicide. I would occasionally wear a binder to help alleviate my discomfort, but eventually the garment grew too small, leaving me with massive bruises and trouble breathing. I was absolutely miserable.

After quitting my hormonal birth control, my chest shrank back down enough to fit into my binder again. I have been binding publicly nearly every day since for the past 3 years. One day, my incredible husband Max suggested that I seriously consider top surgery as an option. He offered to support me through the process, whatever it was. It was the first time I admitted out loud that this was in fact a need for me, and it took someone I love looking me in the eyes and telling me I was allowed to love myself.

It has been several years and after discussing with my therapist, I’m ready to ask for help. It mortifies me to think about people sending me money for anything, much less something so personal to me, but I am willing to accept that maybe I am worthy of support. My insurance will not cover any of the procedure, so I am paying out of pocket. After my consultation with a surgeon in Atlanta, I was quoted a total of $9100 (this includes surgeon, facilities, and anesthesia). I live paycheck to paycheck, but I’ve managed to save $2000 to put toward my surgery so far.

I want summers without sweat collecting under my binder, causing it to squeeze me even tighter. I want to feel tshirts on my skin. I want to feel confident in my body. I want to feel joy when I look at myself in the mirror. I want to take a photo with my shoulders back. I want to be free to play, unencumbered by polyester.

Anything at all helps. JAY