In Memory of Eugene Courtney ❤️

Three weeks ago I was crying tears of happiness that my dad beat cancer and three weeks later, me and my family cry because we lost him to Covid. The last 19 days have been the worst for us. While I tried to prepare for the worst, it never felt like it could happen to us, my dad was that amazing, it just made us feel untouchable and that surely this disease couldn’t take him?! To not be able to be with him when he was all alone in hospital, to have to listen to his voice through an oxygen mask as he struggled to breath, to have to say goodbye and have our last conversation over a FaceTime call and the ups and downs of one minute thinking he was going to make it, to then prepare ourselves goodbyes for him to then be stable all over again. To have to look at his face and not be able to hug the scared away. All of this has been like a living nightmare, but I know its nothing compared to what he went through fighting to get home to us. He really fought for his life for 19 days. Dads Covid journey is just one out of millions in the world. For each statistic, there is a following of broken hearts and traumatised family and friends behind it. 

My dad truly was one of a kind. He spent half of his life in Northern Ireland and half of it in England, and in both places, he really impacted peoples lives. Whether you were someone who knew him really well or someone who knew him briefly, it’s very likely he impacted your life. He really loved people, he loved listening to their stories and their journeys in life and loved making others happy. He had this ability to make you feel like the most important person in the world when he spoke to you. If you had a problem, no matter how big or small, he wanted to listen. If you were sad, he was sad with you. If you were happy, he was the happiest for you. He just had this infectious energy which made everybody gravitate towards him. 

My dad has taught me no matter how small or unheard the town you live in is, how popular you are, what your job title is, you have the ability to really make an impact in this world with kindness. If you are someone who knew or had even met my dad briefly, you know how special he was. He was the most thoughtful person I know always wanting to surprise me, spoil me and make me happy, his life would be paused  until mine was better if I went through something. We shared the same humour and would always laugh, even through the darkness that comes with life. Everything I wished for, within his reach he tried to provide. He was so proud for me for even the smallest achievements. He made me feel like anything could go wrong in the world or in my life but that it would be okay or I was still lucky because I had him. He loved me unconditionally. The last couple of years I went through some really dark times, and he was my medication through it all. I wish everybody who has bad times had my dad in their lives, because he had the ability to fix the most broken of people. 

This really was not something we planned for. My dad worked ever so hard solely to get by. I have put together a gofundme in hopes of raising some money to put towards the funeral or to be able to have a stone or bench, something or somewhere we can go to visit him. Any spare to go towards local businesses, the NHS staff fund or just something my dad would be proud of. I don’t have the opportunity to make my dad proud like I planned with my future endeavours, I can’t take away the undeserving pain he went through mentally and physically the last three weeks of his life, we didn’t have enough time for me to give him everything he has given me  he had the most amazing few years planned ahead with his retirement, to move into a new house, travel, make lots of memories but he doesn’t get that anymore. I understand in light of the current circumstances, people are struggling financially. But if you can, it is there and I promise it’s going toward something priceless. 

I also want to say thank you for those who have been there for my family and I over the last few weeks. Truly taken aback by the outpour of love we have received and all the lovely stories and memories shared.

And to my pops, I am so proud of you and words cannot explain my love for you. I can’t forget our last FaceTime call and how scared you looked and how we just sobbed our hearts out together. I felt so helpless but I felt all the love you had for me in that moment and hope you felt the love I have for you too. The world really isn’t going to be the same, our lives will never be the same. Im struggling to go through the worst time in my life and scared for the future ahead without your support but I will carry your strength with me and will cherish the beautiful memories we made. This world wasn’t good enough, it didn’t deserve you because you were an angel all along and now we have to return you. Until we meet again pops. ❤️