Emil's Top Surgery
Hello. My name is Emil and I'm a trans guy living in Manchester, England. I have been out and living as a man since February 2015. I have started this fundraising page because I need some financial help towards raising money for top surgery.
I was hoping to get surgery through the NHS but the waiting lists to see a Gender Identity Clinic (GIC) here are ridiculously long. In the last few months I have managed to see my GIC for an initial appointment, but this was after over 19 months on the waiting list. I have been saving to get surgery privately for the last 12 months. It took me a long time to make this decision but it became obvious that I wasn't left with much choice but to go private when I weighed up the time frame ahead of me. I couldn't imagine myself being alive/stable by the time the NHS got round to giving me the surgery I need.
At the time of making this decision my preferred surgeon had a 10-12 month NHS waiting list from the point of referral and I knew I had at least another 6 months to wait before I would see the GIC for an initial appointment. Generally going through the NHS for treatment, it takes at least 3 assessment appointments before you get accepted onto a GIC's treatment plan for them to take over or prescribe hormones, and potentially a few more appointments after that before they will discuss a surgery referral. If I had to wait 3 months between each appointment with my GIC, that could add a further 12 month wait onto 18 months I would already be waiting to see my GIC and go through my surgeons waiting list. It was looking like I would be waiting another 2 and a half years before I'd get top surgery and I knew that I could not wait that long.
I have an incredibly large chest (JJ cup) and due to a back injury a few years ago, I am unable to bind. Not that binding made much of a difference anyway as there is only so much compression you can get with a chest of my size. I do not ever pass as male and this has made my dysphoria throughout this early stage of transition unbearable. I work full time in a customer service role, so I have to deal with being constantly misgendered every working day. I find going out to work exhausting and my anxiety is often so bad that when I have spare time, I'd rather spend it in bed hidden away from the world because I can't deal with my dysphoria or the general public.
I've been on a bridging prescription for testosterone for 12 months and I'm now at the point where my voice has dropped significantly, my body shape has changed and I am now growing facial hair. Of course, part of me is over the moon about these changes but I also feel unsafe most of the time due to not passing and my transition becoming more obvious. This is making simple things like going into public spaces alone and using public toilets difficult and frightening for me because my chest is so obvious and there is nothing I can do to hide it.
I have been saving for surgery for the last 18 months and have managed to save £5200, which is amazing and doesn't bring me far from my target. But, to get this kind of money together, I've been saving every penny I can. I've spent the majority of the last 18 months on a food budget of £10 a week, I've spent most of this time not having a social life and I'm now looking at selling my belongings to try and get the money together in time. 18 months of living like this has had a negative impact on my mental health and I'm now at the point where I feel like I need to ask for help because I don't know how much longer I can continue living with this budget and the stress caused worrying over getting enough money before the deadline.
The total cost of the surgery consultation, the surgery itself and the cost of the consultation with GenderCare to get my referral is £7062.
This does not include the train tickets to London for GenderCare (£50), the multiple train tickets to Brighton for my consultation, pre-op, the operation (likely to be at least £40-£50 each time) and also the petrol money for my friend to drive from Manchester to Brighton to collect me and bring me home post surgery. On top of this, my long term sick pay at work will not cover me for the full recovery time (due to a chunk of it already used when I had a mental breakdown that left me signed off work for almost 6 weeks over Christmas and New Year) It's looking like 3 weeks of my recovery will have me on half pay, better than nothing of course but this is another layer of financial stress.
I have another £1862 to go to cover all of the surgery and consultation costs. I already have my referral from GenderCare and my surgery consultation is on May 18th. After this consultation I'm hoping to then have a surgery date. It's currently looking like surgery will be in August or September 2017. I am planning to continue saving but I am hoping to raise £800 through here to help take off some of the stress and give me some breathing space as this whole situation is making me feel like I am suffocating.
If you feel like you are able to help me, please do. Getting this surgery is going to be life changing for me. I can't wait to feel safer in public spaces again, to be able to use the toilet when I'm out and about, to be able to look in a mirror without my clothes on, to be able to exercise without giving myself back pain, to not spend every single day fixated on how uncomfortable and disgusting this part of my body makes me feel. I can't wait to feel confident, happy and comfortable in my own skin.
If you are unable to help out financially, I completely understand. If you feel able to please share this page. Anything I manage to raise from here will be helpful even if I don't reach my target and of course, will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for reading this far!
Emil
