A service fit for a Veteran
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On August 6, 2018, at 8am, my mother, Phyllis Denny, had unfortunately passed away. My name is Nathaniel Lamar. Her son. To which I will be speaking on her behalf.
My mother, who had already been through so much in her life, died of an Intracerebral Hemorrhage. A rupture inside an area of her brain that caused her to lose as vast amount of blood whenever the incident occurred. Unfortunantly, this was not the first time something like this had happened. Her first stroke happened back in 2002 and later again recently back in December of 2017. Just a few days before Christmas. She was able to make a successful recovery after the first and second stroke but was unable to make it past the third. She was a diabetic, had Lupus, along with many other medical factors that could contribute to her death this past Monday.
As a former veteran, she was lucky to have me at the age of 39. Before she was going to be deported back to her military services. To which she was a Military Nurse. I myself am now 25. Knowing that my mother and I lived paycheck to paycheck, wondering where we were going to get food, wondering if we were going to be able to make it all these years, and wondering how long we would be able to survive on what little things we had, it always crossed my mind if we weren't going to be able to make it. Having done multiple surgeries, including a Spinal Fusion and a Quadruple Bypass, I honestly could have lost her a lot sooner than I would have though. But I didn't. She continued to live on despite all the pain that she was in. It wasn't easy though.
Taking nearly 15 to 20 different medications to help with her blood clotting and thickening, helping to regulate her heart, and to keep her blood sugar levels either up or down, my mother was always under a constant struggle to get up and out of bed everyday. Most days were bad. Some worst than others. Yet she lived on. Until this past Monday I knew something was wrong. So when I took her to the hospital to figure out what it was, thinking to myself that it could have been another possible stroke, the doctor explained to my wife and I that the amount of bleeding that was happening in her brain was so severe that no amount of surgery would be able to help repair what was already being damaged. Draining the blood from the brain would help to decrease the swelling. Hoping to help her get through it.
However, according to the GCS scale, or the Glascow Coma Scale, ranging from a 15 to a 3, 3 being the lowest score you could get, my mother's score was a 4. This was before doing any type of treatment or surgeries. Meaning that by the time we had gotten to the hospital from our home, most of my mother's body functions and abilities were already being lost. If not severely damaged. Everything would have been permanent at that point. The damage that had been dealt to her would forever be on her shoulders and I was faced with the most toughest decision of my life. Unfortunately, I had no other choice but to see my mother go. Knowing that she would more than likely not survive the surgery and, more or less, not have the best quality of life after the surgery if she were to be able to make it through it, the damage that had already been done to her brain cannot be erased. Knowing that the blood had already been shifting over from one side to the other and down the spinal cord was enough for me to make the decision that I had to choose.
Despite being a former vet, there is little that can be done with the services that they can provide for my mother. She wanted to be cremated and I want to honor that request by doing just that. However, I want to have her ashes in a plant that will continuously grow so that I can take it with me wherever I go. Knowing that I will always have her with me by my side wherever I go. I ask that any donations that are made can be put forth to help accommodate for her cremation and ceremony that we will have for her. I thank each and every one of you for listening to my story and I hope that we can reach our goal sooner rather than later.
I always wanted to make sure that I could give her the best life possible. Knowing that she would get older. Despite her not being here anymore, I know that I have done just that. I might not have been able to save her this time as I have in the past. But I know that she will always be proud of me and my accomplishments in wanting to make things right for bother her and our family. I miss you mom and I will forever and always love you.
My mother, who had already been through so much in her life, died of an Intracerebral Hemorrhage. A rupture inside an area of her brain that caused her to lose as vast amount of blood whenever the incident occurred. Unfortunantly, this was not the first time something like this had happened. Her first stroke happened back in 2002 and later again recently back in December of 2017. Just a few days before Christmas. She was able to make a successful recovery after the first and second stroke but was unable to make it past the third. She was a diabetic, had Lupus, along with many other medical factors that could contribute to her death this past Monday.
As a former veteran, she was lucky to have me at the age of 39. Before she was going to be deported back to her military services. To which she was a Military Nurse. I myself am now 25. Knowing that my mother and I lived paycheck to paycheck, wondering where we were going to get food, wondering if we were going to be able to make it all these years, and wondering how long we would be able to survive on what little things we had, it always crossed my mind if we weren't going to be able to make it. Having done multiple surgeries, including a Spinal Fusion and a Quadruple Bypass, I honestly could have lost her a lot sooner than I would have though. But I didn't. She continued to live on despite all the pain that she was in. It wasn't easy though.
Taking nearly 15 to 20 different medications to help with her blood clotting and thickening, helping to regulate her heart, and to keep her blood sugar levels either up or down, my mother was always under a constant struggle to get up and out of bed everyday. Most days were bad. Some worst than others. Yet she lived on. Until this past Monday I knew something was wrong. So when I took her to the hospital to figure out what it was, thinking to myself that it could have been another possible stroke, the doctor explained to my wife and I that the amount of bleeding that was happening in her brain was so severe that no amount of surgery would be able to help repair what was already being damaged. Draining the blood from the brain would help to decrease the swelling. Hoping to help her get through it.
However, according to the GCS scale, or the Glascow Coma Scale, ranging from a 15 to a 3, 3 being the lowest score you could get, my mother's score was a 4. This was before doing any type of treatment or surgeries. Meaning that by the time we had gotten to the hospital from our home, most of my mother's body functions and abilities were already being lost. If not severely damaged. Everything would have been permanent at that point. The damage that had been dealt to her would forever be on her shoulders and I was faced with the most toughest decision of my life. Unfortunately, I had no other choice but to see my mother go. Knowing that she would more than likely not survive the surgery and, more or less, not have the best quality of life after the surgery if she were to be able to make it through it, the damage that had already been done to her brain cannot be erased. Knowing that the blood had already been shifting over from one side to the other and down the spinal cord was enough for me to make the decision that I had to choose.
Despite being a former vet, there is little that can be done with the services that they can provide for my mother. She wanted to be cremated and I want to honor that request by doing just that. However, I want to have her ashes in a plant that will continuously grow so that I can take it with me wherever I go. Knowing that I will always have her with me by my side wherever I go. I ask that any donations that are made can be put forth to help accommodate for her cremation and ceremony that we will have for her. I thank each and every one of you for listening to my story and I hope that we can reach our goal sooner rather than later.
I always wanted to make sure that I could give her the best life possible. Knowing that she would get older. Despite her not being here anymore, I know that I have done just that. I might not have been able to save her this time as I have in the past. But I know that she will always be proud of me and my accomplishments in wanting to make things right for bother her and our family. I miss you mom and I will forever and always love you.
Organizer
Ally Nicole Lamar
Organizer
Louisville, KY
