Vet's Life
My name is Chris Wiese and i was involved with 2 deployments (first 2003-2005) and (2nd 2009-2010). Both of them when i came back I had PTSD, But the main one was on May 12, 2010 my military truck , that i was the front gunner lead truck at that time was involed with an IED that change my life. They estimated about 20 pounds of Explosives that sudden blown up our truck without notice during the night in Bagdag. I remember when the explosives went off i did felt the sound wave because my head was actually stickin out the armor truck, but some how i knowtice i end up inn my truck looking up off the floor of the truck,and it was actually looks like rainng fire on me with ashes. Of course i was in shock and thought i was dead for a moment and couldnt respond to others asking if i was ok. Then that moment i decided to pat myself down to see if i was bledding at all or am i still alieve because i was totally confuse what just happen. After awhile they called the Medic in my location to check me out if any signs of emeracy situlation. They check me over and thats when i started getting my first major migraine and they found a huge hit on my right timple of forehead. But according to the medic and everyone else that witness the blast behind me, they said i should of been alot worse damage than i am and just be thankful having and Guardian Angel whatching my back and there is a reason why i didnt go that day. So that got me thinking it might been heavenly father that pulled me down from the hatch from the blast to save me because it did felt like someone pulled me down after the fact.So I thanked God for saving me so i can come home with my family at the time.
But of course, when i went home, i did complete oppisite of what i suposed to do when i needed help and confuse and dont know who to talk too. My life felt it totally change on me because of health issues and mental and feeling and emotions after the truma happen.. Then I self medicated myself, the reason why i was self medicating myself is because i was in so much pain all the time with buldge disc in my back and my neck. I was also dignosed with partial TBI which caused me multi migraines through out the week and my memory was terible as well with feeling numb feelings and emtionals all the time towards everyone with Serve PTSD. Honestly at the begining of my last tour as soon my wife left me i felt like the world did a 360 on me and i went straight into depression. It was so bad that i didn't care about myself at all, and if i didnt care about myself of course i didnt care about others which i wish i can ask forgiveness. with all my devorces as, and other muliple problems as well including hitting rock bottle in the year end of 2011 when my house was in forcloser. All of those things made me feel like medicating myself with Alcohol even more so i dont have to deal with it at all. It came to a point i almost suciude over all my negative thoughts and emotions and bad memories what happen over there and feeling like i am fighting another war here now.
After me hibernating at my own house for couple years and doing nothing but trying to drink my thoughts and pain away every single day, of course i got introuble by the law because i defintly was in that i dont care about myself mood stage. Plus i was trying to do anything to hype myself up because i felt things here is not a risk taker, its borin because everything slowed down way to fast. Honestly i use to drive super fast drunk and only getting warings because of my Purple Heart licease plate.But i finally got cought driving drunk from my devorce finalize from the court house. To be honest i came staight out of the court house after getting devorce and could handle my feeling and emotions so much that i drunk half a fifth so fast and drove. Honstly i am glad i got caught because i needed something like that to wake my eyes up and come to reality. I remember the first person i went to talk to was my dad, and he told me why dont u go to church, and stop wasting ur life drinking it away.
Me going to my church and getting better knowing Jesus and our heavenly father was the best thing can happen to me because it definently helped me get stronger willed and spirtual person with my heavenly father always with me on my side, and taking my stress away and answering my prayers when i ask through prayer. And honestly i got into the spirit of our our heaven father's love and been thirty ever since and wanted to contiue to help others and show everybody his Love also because it really help me , God is love and i feel blessed fom him when i help others and treat others like i want to be treated. With all this positive thinking and doing positive things for others and plus more, it definently helped bring my PTSD levels down and i definetly feel better as health wise also because i totally beleive God is in the process of healing me. A lot less migraines and a lot less pain all the time and starting to getting my feelings and emotions back again. Its almost feel like i am normal again, which i definetly give all the glory to our heavenly father because he is so amazing.
My heart defintly goes out men and women like me with PTSD. Soldiers are known for enduring suffering and hardship. But soldiers never need to suffer alone, because me and few other Vets are planning on having A Vet. to Vet. (PTSD support Group) in Champaign-Ubana, IL in order to help out other Vets and supply then with resource information and care their needs for PTSD through spiritual of our Heavenly Father and teach them postive thinking. The reason is that God knows us better than we know ourselfs, God is the maker of everthing and he can create miricles, all u have to do is ask and u shall recieve. The donations will be used for a great cause for our Vets, at first it will be use for start up cost for our Vet to Vet support organization including all supporting program suppies such as planning lessons and workbooks and also vidoes about the subjects, we are trying to get a worship stage set up as well for our vets to get inspired and motived before all the learning and lessons, and also for our Vets outdoor equipment , like kayaks, bikes, Yoga suppies, buying a small fishing boat, and camping supplies and any other things pop up including help funding our Vets when they are in the need of it to help them heal from PTSD. We are planning on spending time outside with God create beautiful human nature that tends to be calmly, and have PTSD teaching about coping skills and what can work through spiritual and PTSD, and what might possiblely doesnt, and stay away from triggers that makes matters worse if possible. This totally means so much to me because i am a Vet myself and i was in this situlation before and its so hard to get help other than the VA, they tend to teach u to a point and feel stuck like there is a missing piece of the puzzle. I been at the VA with all the couseling and everything and i felt like i was going no where, thats why i almost sucided honestly and keep drinking to self medicate and other things, until I found Jesus and our Heavenly Father. Which he totally change my life in a great positive way.Our future plans are to buy a building for homeless Vets and be able to supply them a place for them to stay exspecially the time of the season during the winter months when they dont have a place to go, but at least we can supply them warming supplies at this time of season for starters.
I will be so thankful and gatefull and many others as well for people like u because, we are trying our best to start up this great program for our Vets to have a lot easier transaction from Military over seas too back at home with their family, hoping alot better situation then i did and other Vets working with us as well when we come back home from over seas. With PTSD it totally makes it very diffucult to do the trasaction and defiantly takes time to heal. But their are evidence that when u Have PTSD it helps u heal a stronger person once u get through ur past and forgive urself and start facing the world one day at a time so u dont get overwelmed. Its just so hard to think any positive things when u have PTSD, we will do our best to some how change that kind of thinking with alot of postive things everyday, exspecially our Heavenly Father. Thats one of our goals that and to have alot less PTSD sucide Provention by helping out and knowticeing that their are in a special need of care or they just need someone to talk to which our group will try to do once everybody gets to know each other like a military unit that we all are missing our budies ever since we all got out of the military. We will never leave a fellen comrade behind, with nothing but brothers and sisters love, through our heavenly father.
