PTSD, Medical Bills, And A Survivor

Letter to Bill (Basic Autobiography) -- WRITTEN IN LATE 2015 Dear Bill, I am going to try to sumarize a lot of things in as few words as possible.  47 years is hard to shove into one email.  But background is needed before I can go into the current situation. I am also sending a copy of this to Pastor Craig Hamm, Daniel Cheuka, and my Godson Robbie "for their information". Things are so complicated that it is hard to talk about the current time without a bit of discussion of my past.   Here is my background from my Facebook profile: _________________________________________________________________________________________ "A "Typical" Jungian INTJ with Asperger's Syndrome -- a Perfect Match. ‪http://typelogic.com/intj.html‬ I am an incomplete paraplegic, due to Guillain-Barre‚ Syndrome at age 7. I also developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) at age 9, and have dealt with its results since. I need either crutches and leg braces or a wheelchair to get around. I do not smoke, I am drug and disease free and I intend to stay that way. I am looking for a strong platonic friendship first, and am open to more if the right person who truly loves me comes along. I am not looking for a "one night stand", but someone who can be a lifelong friend. I am not looking for sex, but if a friendship of a more romantic nature develops then I am open to it. But I believe in a totally platonic relationship until marriage, as taught in the Holy Bible. I am looking for someone who can love me and accept me for who I am. I have learned to accept my disability, and I do not mind if someone is attracted to me for my disabilities... but I hope it is for more and that I am accepted as a total person. I have Asperger's Syndrome which is a very high functioning form of Autism, that is quite different than "Classic Autism", but is still on the Autism Spectrum. I have Photophobia, Hyperacussus, and other hyper sensitivities due to my Aspergers. I am on disability, and have not worked for many years. So I have all the time in the world, but not much in the way of income. I am willing to relocate for the right person, who will love me and will treat me right. I have osteoarthritis from years of use of crutches and leg braces. If you are interested, please feel free to email me and we can get to know each other better... and who knows what will happen. What I look for in a friend is someone who is open, honest, candid, intelligent, and has a good sense of humor. Those requirements mean more than anything. It is what I give, and it is what I would like in return. I am a very conservative person in general, and I am also a person of great faith (I am of Jewish Heritage, and I was raised a Roman Catholic...I have had both my Bar Mitzvah and my Confirmation, and I am very devout in both traditions of my faith... my family turned to the Roman Catholic Church to escape the Anti-Semitism of pre-WW2 Europe, but my Jewish Heritage has always remained strong my entire life), but I do not "force" it on anyone. I also was a regular member of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa, when I was living back in Orange County, California. I am ethnically Irish-Scottish-Polish-Jewish-American. I will reply to anyone and everyone who writes me. G-d Bless and Shalom." ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Bill, my father is a Sociopath, and beating, verbal and spiritual abuse occurred daily from as far back as I could remember. A couple of examples, when my mother was pregnant with me, she was working the "Graveyard Shift" as a Certified Nursing Aid as she was training to be a nurse.  My father put his stepson on restriction for some reason, so he could not watch television. When my mother left for work my brother (about 8 or 9 at the time) was scared to be alone (our landlord lived directly below us, and one of my mother's best friends lived in the apartment next to us in the "four plex" building we were in so he was "safe" to be alone for an hour or so until my father drove back from his work at the headquarters of Mark C. Bloom Tire in Culver City, California to our home in Buena Park, California).  My mother let him watch television until my father came home.  When my father came home, since my brother disobeyed him, my father broke his arm.  Snapped it in half between his elbow and his wrist. With me, he would wake me up when he would come home from work if he was angry with a coworker and take it out on me.  Or if he was upset with me he would shove my head through the drywall, with my head only stopped by the pine 2" X 4" studs (I became an expert at using patching plaster to fix head sized holes in drywall). I grew up with my half brother, Danny, 9 years my elder.  I only found out in 1978 at the age of 10 that he had a different father.  He was racing a car on a residential street a cat crossed the street, and the cars on the street stopped including the one he raced against.  Danny was on a motorcycle.  He hit his brakes so he would not plow into the back of the stopped cars.  His body flew through the air and eventually came to a "dead stop" when he impacted a telephone poll. Damaged every internal organ except his brain. I stayed in the hospital 24 hours a day. Sleeping in the ICU waiting room as my mother worked as a Critical Care Nurse on the other side of the county.  In my waking hours I was with Danny, or doing my school assignments in the waiting room or at his bedside in the "reverse isolation" room he was in. When I was spending too much time there, my mother decided I needed to get away for at least a few hours each day, but this is what happened (as I recalled to the SNAP website 11 years ago): __________________________________________________________________________________________ "SNAP Survivors' Network Forum: Cardinal Mahony and Los Angeles Diocese Reply Fr Daniel Hopkus - St Martin de Porres Roman Catholic Church by JBTDMC Jan 12 04 6:46 AM I grew up in Yorba Linda and Anaheim, California. I grew up in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and more specifically the Diocese of Orange. In November of 1978 my older (by 9 years) half-brother was involved in a motorcycle accident. My brother was near death until 1980. My mother was a critical care nurse, but this was her first born son who was near death. I was sent to spend time at our Parish, Saint Martin De Porres Roman Catholic Church, in Yorba Linda, California. At that time the pastor was Fr. Daniel Hopkus. He rarely visited my brother in the hospital ("hey he is going to die anyway and he already has had last rights" , and that gives you a basic idea of his character as a human being, let alone a Roman Catholic Priest. In November of 1978, I pretty much slept on the sofa in the ICU waiting room of Canyon General Hospital (now Kaiser Permanete Anaheim Hills). By the time of the New Year, it was felt that I needed to get away from the hospital (I did my school work at the hospital and spent all my time at the hospital... I was born on the 22nd of July, 1968, so I was 10 years old at the time). So it was thought that I should go to our parish and spend time there when I was not at the hospital (usually during the day, before CCD or Confirmation classes would start). So I was pretty much alone with Fr. Hopkus. He was abusive. Not just oral and anal sodomy, but he would beat me as well. I would refuse to do what he wanted sexually, and he would slap me. He would punch me through a pillow so he would not leave any marks. I still have rectal bleeding to this day. This was continuous 5 days a week from 1979-1980. It was pure hell. My father was also abusive so he was rarely home (living in sin with his girlfriend that he has to this day, they now live in North Carolina)... so I could not go to him. My mother was taking care of my brother in the daytime and would get a little sleep and would work the "graveyard shift", so she could be home with us during the day. My brother eventually came home from the hospital early but still in very serious condition, only because my mother was a critical care nurse. I took care of my brother during the times my mother was working or was sleeping. He had two chest tubes to suction every two hours, and a temporary colostomy, so I had to change those bags that his stool would go into. I would handle his urinal and I would give him bed baths and prepare all of his meals at such a young age. So I could not tell my mother what was happening when I was sent to Fr. Hopkus with so much "on her plate". The abuse ended only when my brother came home and I took care of him. Then I seldom went to Church, except for Easter and Christmas. To avoid Fr. Hopkus as much as possible. I do not hate Priests by any means... the first Pastor at St. Martin de Porres was Fr. Robert Vidal,OSM, a saint of a man. He was the one that was responsible for my First Communion. I received my Confirmation under Cardinal Mahoney, a liberal, (such as his belief in "Inclusive Language" and other liberal thoughts). But I had nothing against him as a man. Fr. Jude M. Herlihy, OSM, at Saint Juliana Falconieri Roman Catholic Church, who was a very special Priest and treated my mother very well as she was suffering with breast cancer from January of 1987 until Bill, my father is a Sociopath, and beating, verbal and spiritual abuse occurred daily from as far back as I could remember. A couple of examples, when my mother was pregnant with me, she was working the "Graveyard Shift" as a Certified Nursing Aid as she was training to be a nurse.  My father put his stepson on restriction for some reason, so he could not watch television. When my mother left for work my brother (about 8 or 9 at the time) was scared to be alone (our landlord lived directly below us, and one of my mother's best friends lived in the apartment next to us in the "four plex" building we were in so he was "safe" to be alone for an hour or so until my father drove back from his work at the headquarters of Mark C. Bloom Tire in Culver City, California to our home in Buena Park, California).  My mother let him watch television until my father came home.  When my father came home, since my brother disobeyed him, my father broke his arm.  Snapped it in half between his elbow and his wrist. With me, he would wake me up when he would come home from work if he was angry with a coworker and take it out on me.  Or if he was upset with me he would shove my head through the drywall, with my head only stopped by the pine 2" X 4" studs (I became an expert at using patching plaster to fix head sized holes in drywall). I grew up with my half brother, Danny, 9 years my elder.  I only found out in 1978 at the age of 10 that he had a different father.  He was racing a car on a residential street a cat crossed the street, and the cars on the street stopped including the one he raced against.  Danny was on a motorcycle.  He hit his brakes so he would not plow into the back of the stopped cars.  His body flew through the air and eventually came to a "dead stop" when he impacted a telephone poll. Damaged every internal organ except his brain. I stayed in the hospital 24 hours a day. Sleeping in the ICU waiting room as my mother worked as a Critical Care Nurse on the other side of the county.  In my waking hours I was with Danny, or doing my school assignments in the waiting room or at his bedside in the "reverse isolation" room he was in. When I was spending too much time there, my mother decided I needed to get away for at least a few hours each day, but this is what happened (as I recalled to the SNAP website 11 years ago): __________________________________________________________________________________________ "SNAP Survivors' Network Forum: Cardinal Mahony and Los Angeles Diocese Reply Fr Daniel Hopkus - St Martin de Porres Roman Catholic Church by JBTDMC Jan 12 04 6:46 AM I grew up in Yorba Linda and Anaheim, California. I grew up in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and more specifically the Diocese of Orange. In November of 1978 my older (by 9 years) half-brother was involved in a motorcycle accident. My brother was near death until 1980. My mother was a critical care nurse, but this was her first born son who was near death. I was sent to spend time at our Parish, Saint Martin De Porres Roman Catholic Church, in Yorba Linda, California. At that time the pastor was Fr. Daniel Hopkus. He rarely visited my brother in the hospital ("hey he is going to die anyway and he already has had last rights" , and that gives you a basic idea of his character as a human being, let alone a Roman Catholic Priest. In November of 1978, I pretty much slept on the sofa in the ICU waiting room of Canyon General Hospital (now Kaiser Permanete Anaheim Hills). By the time of the New Year, it was felt that I needed to get away from the hospital (I did my school work at the hospital and spent all my time at the hospital... I was born on the 22nd of July, 1968, so I was 10 years old at the time). So it was thought that I should go to our parish and spend time there when I was not at the hospital (usually during the day, before CCD or Confirmation classes would start). So I was pretty much alone with Fr. Hopkus. He was abusive. Not just oral and anal sodomy, but he would beat me as well. I would refuse to do what he wanted sexually, and he would slap me. He would punch me through a pillow so he would not leave any marks. I still have rectal bleeding to this day. This was continuous 5 days a week from 1979-1980. It was pure hell. My father was also abusive so he was rarely home (living in sin with his girlfriend that he has to this day, they now live in North Carolina)... so I could not go to him. My mother was taking care of my brother in the daytime and would get a little sleep and would work the "graveyard shift", so she could be home with us during the day. My brother eventually came home from the hospital early but still in very serious condition, only because my mother was a critical care nurse. I took care of my brother during the times my mother was working or was sleeping. He had two chest tubes to suction every two hours, and a temporary colostomy, so I had to change those bags that his stool would go into. I would handle his urinal and I would give him bed baths and prepare all of his meals at such a young age. So I could not tell my mother what was happening when I was sent to Fr. Hopkus with so much "on her plate". The abuse ended only when my brother came home and I took care of him. Then I seldom went to Church, except for Easter and Christmas. To avoid Fr. Hopkus as much as possible. I do not hate Priests by any means... the first Pastor at St. Martin de Porres was Fr. Robert Vidal,OSM, a saint of a man. He was the one that was responsible for my First Communion. I received my Confirmation under Cardinal Mahoney, a liberal, (such as his belief in "Inclusive Language" and other liberal thoughts). But I had nothing against him as a man. Fr. Jude M. Herlihy, OSM, at Saint Juliana Falconieri Roman Catholic Church, who was a very special Priest and treated my mother very well as she was suffering with breast cancer from January of 1987 until her death in February of 1996 (we moved to that parish in Fullerton, because Fr. Vidal had moved to that parish.... we would have followed him to his other parish that he moved to next, but that was in Seal Beach, and was too far for us to drive from our home in Anaheim Hills/Yorba Linda area). Fr. Vidal even put off his heart surgery to perform my mother's funeral. So I have known some very caring and good Roman Catholic Priests. After my mother's death, things were busy. My roommate who lived in Ohio... wanted to return home to Ohio to take care of his mother... He could not afford to move, and I could not afford to stay... so I prayed that if the Lord would show Daniel a way to go home, I would go with him to help (he has Spastic Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy, but is ambulatory as well as moderate to severe hearing loss). I am an incomplete paraplegic (due to possible rheumatic fever at age 7, plus part may be due to the abuse by Fr. Hopkus, since I had motor problems around that same time), I also have osteoarthritis in both arms and now I use a power wheelchair to get around (I used to use a manual wheelchair and crutches and leg braces). So both my roommate and I are on disability. In October of 1996, the Lord answered my prayers and we moved to Ohio to come take care of my roommate's mother (in March of 1997 she was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and she was able to remain in her own home until August of 2001, when she became very violent and eventually went into a coma for a short period of time , and is now okay , Second April 1995 ), TIA (February 2009), HBP (Since 1999) At birth: Frank Breech, Placenta Preva as complications, pushed back in and delivered vaginally. Notes: Autism Related Hyperacussus and Photophobia ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Allergies: Natural Rubber Latex (Anaphylaxis), Gentamicin (Anaphylaxis), Tryptan Migraine Medications (Anaphylaxis), Aspirin (Gastrointestinal & Rash), Pollen/Mold Allergies (Upper Respiratory) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- PCP: Alfred Granson Jr., M.D. (Location Unknown/Disappeared) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Secondary PCP: Mary Kathryn Jones, DNP, CNM, ENP-BC, FNP-BC   DOCTOR OF NURSING PRACTICE (DNP) (NO LONGER PRACTICING IN MANSFIELD AS OF 10-SEPTEMBER-2015) Medquest ‪33 Lexington-Springmill Road‬ ‪Mansfield‎ OH‎ 44906‬ Phone: ‪(419) [phone redacted]‬ Office FAX: ‪(419) [phone redacted]‬ Email: ‪[email redacted]‬ --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bone Density DEXA Scan - December 2014 Lumbar X-Ray - May 2015 C-T Scan - May 2015 Bone Scan - May 2015 ========================================================== JOHN BENJAMIN DAVID TATUM -- (18 Medications) ========================================================== Depakote-ER 1000mg QD for Migraine Prophylaxis Klonopin 2mg TID for Hypoglycemic Seizures and PTSD, Baclofen 20mg TID for Leg Spasms, Cymbalta 60mg BID for Major Depression, Timoptic 0.5% OP TID for Narrow-Angle Glaucoma, Patanol 0.1% OP BID PRN for Eye Allergies, Zantac 150mg TID for Ulcer, Pantoprazole 40mg QD for Acid Reflux, Toprol-XL 100mg BID for Tachy and HBP, Lescol 40mg QD for Cholesterol, Allopurinol 100mg 1 tab BID for Gout, Mucinex is a  - DM 30-600CR tab BID PRN for Nasal Congestion, Benadryl 50mg Q4H PRN for Allergies, Nitrostat 0.4mg PRN for Angina, Epi-Pen .3mg PRN for Anaphylaxis Synthroid 50mcg QD for Hypothyroid DHEA 25mg QD for Hypotestosteronism APAP/Codeine #3 two tablets Q4H for Migraines and Osteoarthritis Pain =========================================================== Kroger Pharmacy: ‪(419) [phone redacted]‬ (Kroger needs diagnosis for all Rx for AARP UnitedHealthcare) ========================================================== MGF - Congestive Heart Failure & Diabetes - Death in mid 70's MGM - Cardiac Arrest - Death in mid 70's PGF - Bowel Cancer - Death in mid 40's PGM - Cardiac Arrest - Death in mid 40's Mother - Heart Murmur - Breast CA - Death at age 56 after 9 years with Stage IV Ca Father - Malignant Hypertension - still living as far as I know (Age 78) Half-Brother (share mother) - Cardiac Arrest due to severe motorcycle accident in 1978 - As far as I know, still living (age 56) No other known family, living or dead. ________________________________________________________________________ Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare and "Living Will for Life": On USB drive on my Medic Alert Necklace Daniel Martin Cheuka ‪99 Dawson Avenue‬ ‪Mansfield, Ohio 44906-3201‬ Phone: ‪(419) [phone redacted]‬ __________________________________________________________________________________________ Now a bit more "recent"....my reason for the "blank prayer request" on Facebook and my reason for asking for a ride to the Bible Study for Daniel on Wednesday. First, my body functions best between about 65F and 79F, and close to zero humidity.  If it is hotter my fatigue kicks in (and gets worse the more active I am).  If it is colder, my Osteoarthritis kicks in and I become so stiff I can barely move.  In periods of fatigue  or arthritis, it can take me about 3 hours to "get ready and get out" (compared when Daniel was my Personal Care Attendant, we could cut that down to only 30 minutes). Due to the PPACA (aka "ObamaCare"), half of the Medicare and half the Medicaid funds from the Federal Government were CUT to fund the "federal side" such as the administration of he PPACA and the healthcare dot gov website.  So my services were cut on 20-June-2012, in preparations for the "ObamaCare Start" on 01-January-2014 (since Ohio Medicaid paid for the Home Care Benefit Waiver).  So Daniel was paid for 8.5 hours a day, 365 days a year, to be my PCA, housekeeping, shopping, and other such needs for me.  On that date, we had to cash in his last IRA, which allowed him to pay his portion of the household bills until 30-September-2012 when it ran out. Then I had to use my credit cards to pay the lions share of his portion of the bills from 01-October-2012 until he received his first Social Security Check on 03-January-2013.  Then I covered his IRS/Ohio/Mansfield "Self-Employment Income Taxes" for tax year 2012.  I also covered the property taxes on the house (since I paid by credit card via Government Payments website, with the "convenience fee", I paid it "in full" instead of two payments since it as I recall is only 30 days between payments). When his mother passed away on 24-January-2014, I paid for his mother's direct cremation, inurnment, reworking of his mother's grave marker...plus when his sister died a week to the day after her 59th birthday on 20-May-2009 I paid for her direct cremation where they shipped her cremains via UPS from South Carolina...so they were both inurned on 14-May-2014 (we wanted to wait until the snow melted, opening two graves even in separate sides of the cemetery was cheaper at once...their mother on their grandmother's grave...Daniel's half sister on her father's grave.  Daniel contacted a number of ministers, the one his mother had (retired and out of town), the one who did his sister's wedding (retired and only a congregant even though his credentials are still listed as active), a friend of Daniel's here in town (never replied to his email), and a Pastor of the church we had attended prior to November 2012 (who took me to Athens Greek Restaurant, and "strongly suggested" that I move away from Daniel's home...he did not suggest where, how financially, et cetera...and my only "major objection" was that the Mortgage was to be PAID OFF IN FULL on its 15th anniversary date of 08-December-2013.  While my name was not "on the mortgage"...we presumed Daniel's mother would not live to age 92 since her two sisters and three brothers died before their mid-80's...we developed a "death budget" to prepare for when Daniel's mother passed away...so we could "get the bills paid"....due to her Alzheimer's disease, and going into Woodlawn/Liberty Nursing home on 20-August-2001 [when she became too violent for two disabled people to take care of]...we started the "death budget" on that date [since her income had to be "signed over" to the nursing home to qualify for Ohio Medicaid to cover her expenses, since Medicare only pays for the Doctor and Hospital parts of Nursing Home care...so when Dr. Granson visited her at the home, or when she was admitted to the hospital would be the only time Medicare would pay]... Well I said to the pastor "I may not be on the mortgage, but since we only have a year left on the mortgage, I feel a MORAL RESPONSIBILITY to remain until after the final payment on 08-December-2013...and if there was a way for me to move out I would have no problem moving after I get paid on 03-January-2014".  He got a text from his wife (one of the many in e less than an hour we were at the restaurant), and I never heard from him again. So since we could not find someone to do the graveside service, on 14-May-2014 (the day after Linda's birthday, which was a Wednesday after all the snow melted off at Mansfield Cemetery)...Daniel wrote the "sermon" (he is one semester from a Bachelors of Religion from Capitol University in Columbus, he was put on "academic suspension" because the first half of his final semester his grades slipped...he was not in the "‪Animal House‬ Fraternity" [that was in the basement of the student housing, that the school required all fraternities to be located ON CAMPUS], but he was "one step above".  Most of his fraternity brothers were pre-law, and pretty much would always have a keg and unwind with alcohol at the end of each day.  So it was drinking on average a "six pack" of beer each day...so his grades slipped).  I performed the "graveside service" first for Anne (their mother) so Linda could "attend" even though she pre-deceased her mother.  Then we went to the other side of the cemetery and we buried her sister's cremains. I figured that a spring day would be better than a winter day (since Daniel's birthday on 12-February is usually a "blizzard" and Anne passed away on 24-January-2014), and a Wednesday morning would be "clear" for any minister (a morning, mid-week).  With those in active ministry who Daniel emailed DID NOT EVEN OFFER A REPLY, he wrote the sermon as he did as part of his Bachelors of Religion studies, and since I performed many funerals I gave the sermons at the gravesides. Between the death of his mother and the funeral of his mother and sister he received two "notices".  The first was from the ODJFS via the Attorney General's Office...they wanted to have Daniel repay his income from FIRST QUARTER 2011 (a year BEFORE I lost my services, and he sees a years BEFORE he lost his job...so nearly a year after he lost his job they are demanding $25,000 IN FULL).  The second is that Daniel when he went to work for Meijer in 2000, was getting Social Security Disability, and the SSA sent him postage paid business reply envelopes for him to mail in his paycheck stubs each month...after two years he was told not to send in anymore.  But they sent him a bill for "Overpayment of Social Security Disability and Supplemental Security Income" and I negotiated at that time to pay $10 to each, or two checks for a total for $20 a month until paid off.  But as of 2014, they DEMANDED the remaining $30,000.00 IN FULL.   So with $55,000.00 in repayment of pay to ODJFS and SSD/SSI overpayment in total, we were in BIG TROUBLE.  The AG sent a collection letter for the ODJFS talking about seizing tax refunds (he always owed, he never had a refund being self employed as my PCA), lottery winnings (I do not believe in gambling), Liquor License (Daniel will not be opening a bar or restaurant)...but where they could get us was a "Sheriff's Sale" of the house that was just paid off on 08-December-2013.  Social Security Disability told Daniel they would stop his payments as of 03-May-2014, until the balance was "paid in full" (based on his income at the time that would have been 36.5 months or just over 3 years of NO INCOME and ineligible for unemployment since his job from 2003 to 2012 was as an "independent provider for the ODJFS").  So on 13-May-2014 I took Daniel to the only Bankruptcy attorney that accepted a credit card in the phone book (as long as it was not one of Daniel's, which if used for a Bankruptcy would be considered "fraud" if it was added to the bankruptcy).  So I paid the money for his bankruptcy lawyer fees, filing fees, credit report to automatically fill in that portion of his filing, and his pre and post filing "credit counseling" on my MasterCard. Very little on my credit cards are mine (I use a specific card just for our meds, and pay the copayment a off in full each month....then the two other cards have Daniel's taxes, bankruptcy, and other such expenses from 20-June-2012 to present...as well as "non-food groceries", non-Medicare covered medical expenses, laundry out at "Clean Jeans" out on Ashland Road once we run out of clean clothing since we have been without a working dryer longer than we have been without a fridge).   Total debt is about $13,000 (give or take on my Barclaycard Rewards MasterCard and Slate Visa which were what I used to cover Daniel's expenses before he started getting Social Security Disability, Daniel's taxes, and unexpected expenses such as funeral and bankruptcy).    ________________________________________________________________________________________ But even more recently is related to all the above.  My PTSD and my physical limitations have been pushed to their limits.   As a hypoglycemic I am supposed to split 3 "regular meals" in half so I have "6 smaller meals a day", every two hours.  Instead Daniel and I eat one meal a day that we split between us (such as a box of macaroni and cheese as our daily meal, or when we had a refrigerator/freezer perhaps a single frozen burrito each).  So I take Klonopin to keep myself from having seizures due to low blood sugar (it also helps the anxiety of my PTSD). But our entire "food budget" is $111 a month (Daniel gets $22 in "food stamps" and I get $89 on my card and we just combine them and each eat half of whatever we have each day, after it is loaded on the 7th of each month when Daniel can get to the store).  So needless to say the Berean food ministry is a true Godsend, we make it last until the 7th of the next month. As far as the food we buy, I admit it is "crap".  It is whatever is the "cheapest".  When Daniel was working we only ate healthy (fresh or frozen, and whatever lean protein was on sale for $2 a pound or less).  Since we have been put on a "food stamp budget" we buy things such as "canned, boxed, or bottled" (horrible amounts of sodium and preservatives).  Just look at the "average" prices at the PAW or Lexington Avenue Krogers, where milk or OJ is about $4 a gallon (if not on sale), Cranberry or other juices are between $2.50-$5.00 a half gallon at Kroger.  But even a "name brand" 2 liter (which is slightly more than half a gallon) soda ON SALE is cheaper than making Iced Tea or store brand "Kool Aid" (tea or flavoring plus sugar, sometimes is more than 50 cents per half gallon, and sometimes Pepsi or Coke products bought in quantity are 50 cents per two liter bottle...and I can make that last up to 4 days, unless I am dehydrated then I can finish a bottle in less than a half hour). But sometimes it is tap water and sushi rice (steamed rice, with rice wine vinegar and a little sugar) as being the only food in the house when we have finished off everything.  As of the day of Bob Ray's memorial we had no food of any kind, not even expired food hidden in the back of a cabinet for about 4-5 days.  Since then we have been on our Berean "care package" until sometime after the 7th. By the way, I want to thank you for what you provided this morning. Daniel woke me up ‪at 07:00‬ (I did not know if it was dawn or dusk, I have been weak and sick since we came home from Church on Friday, I have not been out of bed even once).  I just finished the first half gallon of OJ about 13:55 this afternoon. Physical stress from the weather and doing so much (coming home and having chest pains and shortness of breath, from something as simple as a trip to the store), tends to take its toll.  Heck, sometimes when I am loading my wheelchair into the back seat of my car, I have a period of chest pains and shortness of breath where I have to sit in the driver's seat and attempt to take some deep breaths and let the pain pass before I can start the car and pull away. Then autism related problems due to my Asperger's Syndrome...as a NeuroTypical (aka "normal") person when they get dressed in a minute or two do not feel the "weight" of their clothing.  To me, I feel the weight and it is painful until I get undressed.  So I tend to wear things like surgical scrubs, soccer shorts, and polo shirts which tend to be lighter and usually in a size or two larger than my actual size. My "winter coat" is a 4XL because I can zip it down halfway, turn it upside down, with the zipper toward my abdomen.  Then I can put my arms in it from a seated position, and pull it over my head and pull it on like a sweatshirt and then zip it up.  It is huge on me but it is the smallest to be able to put on from a seated position and with my limitations due to my back and arms warn out from years on crutches and full leg braces from my feet to my waist. Heck, with my AFO "short" leg braces, my size 10.5 feet require a size 13 shoe to accommodate my foot and the leg brace.  I have bruised my toes and caused bleeding (I have had my socks covered in blood because I would bang the top  my foot on something and not know I did any damage)...that is why I have only worn steel toed boots for decades.  The steel and the leather take the force and I rarely have any bruises or bleeding on my feet.  The AFO braces only are to offer support of my feet so I can transfer from one seat to another seat without twisting my ankles and severely spraining my ankles which I can not feel and only notice when it can not support any weight.  I have had "foot drop" since I had Guillain-Barre Syndrome in 1975. With PTSD I have major Unipolar Depression (I can not define "happy" or "mania" other than a dictionary definition since I have never known those states of emotion in my life), which is treated with Cymbalta.  PTSD also gives me anxiety, but anti-anxiety meds are not covered by Medicare Part D, but thankfully I have seizures from hypoglycemia so for that specific purpose I get Klonopin that is an anti-anxiety (a benzodiazepine) that also deals with seizures.  The third part of the PTSD triad is "night terrors", this is not a "nightmare" or a "bad dream"...it is where you wake up SCREAMING and in a cold sweat for no apparent reason (not because of any "images").  Those are the main three diagnostic criteria of PTSD.  Now a situation such as having "flashbacks" to the "stressor" back to the point of first trauma is "additional and co-morbid" but is not PTSD itself. Minor stress also has come up...fridge dying last fall, dryer dying about a year before that (so having to budget $45-$100 to do laundry when we are with our last outfit...if we have no money to drive to Clean Jeans to drop them off one morning and to drive back the next morning to pick up our clothing...or the actual cost of their laundry services including tax), our telephone service with CenturyLink being down for over a month (not our first problem with CenturyLink).  So this is added stress on top of everything else. A friend of mine that I offer Pastoral Counseling via phone sent me a cellular phone with a prepaid LycaMobile sim chip and he keeps it loaded each month (he was terrified when he found out he could not contact me by phone).  I have a very tiny Safelink "ObamaPhone" that is perhaps 2" long and an inch wide, that I have had since around the time President GW Bush was sworn in, in 2001.  Daniel can't use it due to his hearing and neither of us can dial using the small keypad (we have it for emergency calls to 9-1-1, that is why it has about 5,000 unused minutes on it).  But my friend in Poland wanted to be able to call me and for me to be able to call him in Poland.  LycaMobile has contracts with T-Mobile in the US and with Plus in Poland, so he can call me when he is in crisis and if I am away from the phone (in Church on Wednesdays, bathing, sleeping), I can call him back at no additional charge.  He invested in this phone because we did not know when CenturyLink would be back up (it is still not), and it is so bad that we picked the "lesser of two evils" and are switching to Time-Warner Cable for ONLY Internet and Telephone using our old CenturyLink phone number (same number that goes back 50+ years to Mansfield Telephone).  We hated TWC in the past because when we had them for television only, the bill would seem to go up each month, even though we never added any new services.  So we dumped them 18 years ago.  But without any landline phone service, and spotty borrowed internet service, we had no choice.  Hopefully by noon on Friday we will have phone service again (TWC is supposed to be here at 09:00 on the 2nd). I "selfishly" picked my two areas of study in the University.   Due to my Aspergers (diagnosed by one of my professors, a Neuropsychiatrist, a Neurologist who is also a Psychiatrist, was on the APA committee to put Asperger's Syndrome in the DSM back in the 1980's...who admitted me to the Universities hospital and I had a team diagnose me and I was one of the first in the US officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome)...I studied Psychology to find out why this "Weird Kid" grew up into an "Eccentric Adult" (I was always a loaner, I read "Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" as my first grade "free reading book", after all I had a tested Stanford-Binet IQ of 176 at age 5).   I grew up with Orthodox Jewish Hebrew School, and Roman Catholic Confraternity of Christian Doctrine classes in my childhood.  As a teen after my Bar Mitzvah and my Catholic Confirmation, I was active with Calvary Chapel at their "headquarters church" in Costa Mesa, California with Sunday School, Bible Studies, and regular services.  Back when I was working, I would go to Synagogue on Friday evening, Catholic Mass for Saturday Evening Service, on Sunday I would go to Calvary Chapel's early morning services and studies, and then perhaps go to another denomination that would have a service anytime after ‪09:30‬ on a Sunday morning....but all of that religious exposure and education...I could not believe in "faith alone".  The "guy with the white beard on the cloud" having what Mormons call a "burning in the bosom" that "something is true" just did not work for me.  My "Aspie Logic" would not "buy it".  But taking classes at Bob Jones University, Liberty University, and other schools before I started my formal Doctoral studies in Theology...helped me quite a bit.  I took my studies to try to determine "logically" if there was truly a "God".  So it was not "simple childlike faith" but heavy study. It is like my "hobby", I took a class at a time at a local culinary institute in Beverly Hills, California (I was going to school in Westwood at UCLA) during a "free time" when I was not having a class on UCLA's campus.  One day, I was asked "what is your final dish?"...this question stymied me...you only have to do such a thing when you graduate from their program.  I never realized I completed every class they had to offer in the past 4 years.  I had a 98 out of 100 on my Quiche Loraine that I made. I think it is the "obsessing and excluding all else" in studies is what allowed me to dig into such studies.  I was never involved in "fraternities" or "clubs" or other "campus activities".  I was on campus for classes or the library.  Otherwise I was back at home sleeping.   After I completed my education, I was already on "permanent disability" (GBS paralysis at age 7 did not slow me down, my heart attack in October 1988 thirteen years later on top of it is what caused me to retire).  I admittedly took my studies for "selfish" reasons.  So I put my two doctorates together and started giving assistance to those who come to me for assistance.  Getting a phone call, an instant message, or an email anytime day or night...I help people in crisis.  Offer help to prevent problems that visiting a regular psychoanalyst (those in the military can't go to a military shrink, because it goes up the "chain of command", those who may have "legal problems" have the concern that HIPAA can be "pierced" with a court order but under the "First Amendment" a "religious leader" can not be compelled to reveal such confidences in court).  So many have found me a "safe alternative".   In situations of "suicidal idealizations", if in my professional opinion I feel it is "real", I will convince the person to get some local help.  I would "put them on hold" click over to "three way calling" and call a local hospital to them and I would "click" the three of us together and facilitate the assistance until help arrives at their home.   If it was in the US it was no cost to them or I. If they were outside of the US, I would make the "long distance call" and let the Lord Provide for the cost of the phone call. I have considered my counseling to be doing the Lord's Work.  So I would never charge for it (I know how hard it is to find decent counseling for myself, nobody with a PhD or MD takes Medicare in this area and Medicare does not pay for much in the way of Psychiatric Counseling).  So I have put my education to good use, may not be "successful" from a worldly perspective...but my reward that matters is what is in Heaven. I help many people daily this way.  But the only one I have to turn to is myself in similar areas.  At least I have never had any idealizations of self harm.  I guess I still have too much of a fear of the "fires of hell"...even though my personal theological belief is that if a person is "not in their right mind" they can not be held "legally responsible for their actions" be it Man's Law or God's Law.  A person who is "out of their mind" and kills themselves deserves burial in "hallowed ground" and a "Christian Burial".  Only if a person is in their "right mind" and takes their life (such as to "shorten suffering", or to "spite someone" and other selfish reasons is it a "thought out suicide" and comes into a moral dilemma). __________________________________________________________________________________________ But why did I ask for prayer on Facebook? Physical problems related to my disabilities. Depression related to my PTSD, my situation, and my health. I normally have insomnia and at the most get 4 hours of fitful sleep a day. My physical strength is gone (I fell asleep about 18:00 on Friday and woke up around 16:00 on Saturday, and slept most of Sunday at least 16 hours, again I have not been out of bed since we came home Friday night). Still waiting on the Doctor from Shelby who also has an office here in Mansfield to say "yea or nay" if he will accept us (trying to hit one doctor at a time, since two of us have to go to the same doctor...one I need Daniel's assistance, Daniel needs my memory and explaining things that are outside his "wheelhouse of knowledge", and he has no other transportation...and I would hate more than one doctor to say "we will take you" all at the same time and have to "turn down" one or more doctors, then find out the doctor we picked is a moron, and have to hunt for another doctor to replace them after "burning bridges" by turning down a doctor). So we are trying to get this done before we run out of medication refills in November. I have had migraines, BP symptoms, hypoglycemia symptoms, and even sitting up I have orthostatic problems (dizzy and light headed). Plus I am alone and lonely, Daniel has been working hard to get the kitchen clean for the phone installation on Friday by TWC, and for the fridge sometime in the future once the old fridge is pulled out and a replacement can be put in its place.  Two options fell through, so it will either be Berean helping or I will have to order one over the Internet from some source and hire a junk hauler to haul off the old fridge and the counter height freezer Rumpke did not take.  With Daniel, I see him usually around our daily meal (I eat the first half, he eats the remainder).  Hard to afford to get out for anything (even when gasoline is cheap).  Rarely have had more than a meal a day let alone been "full" at bedtime...so I do not have money to "waste". I have a "rule of thumb" to not spend more than 10% of my available credit. This is because if I spend more than 10%, I can not afford to pay it.  Right now with Daniel's debt as I explained earlier I am at about 13% or 14% of my available credit.   The only "Friendship and Fellowship" I have at all is what I get at Berean or via Facebook, and much of that takes the form of some form of counseling other people so instead of "Friendship or Fellowship" it is work and I need to keep my mind focused since one "mistake" and it can mean one or more lives. I will not even go into my fear of a "direct cremation and a potter's field" when I die (I had my first heart attack at age 20 and the cardiologist predicted I would only live to be 30, I turned 47 on the 22nd of July of this year).  A 40 year old friend of mine (a "Friendship/Memory" bracelet for him is what I wear on my left wrist), he was in perfect health, he had cerebral palsy but was healthy...he went in to have kidney stones removed from his kidney surgically at age 40 a few months ago...he died on the table.  His family had not prepared nor could they afford a funeral (his mother died of bone cancer about a month before), so he was directly cremated and his cremains are sitting on a shelf in the funeral home until it is paid for.  If his family did not "accept the body" he would have been cremated and put in a mass grave by the coroner's office once they have enough to bury.  I find cremation an anathema, and at my mother's funeral on 29-February-1996 and at the joint funeral of Daniel's mother Anne and his sister Linda on 14-May-2014...only 6 people showed up at each funeral and no "wake" was held afterward for any of them.  My mother was buried because her executor paid for the funeral and attached the bills to the estate.  Daniel's sister and mother were both directly cremated because that is all I could afford on my credit card, plus it was the only way to bury Anne on their grandmother's grave and Linda on her father's grave, a cremation was the only option. I could not afford a decent casket let alone two grave sites. Odds are if I am still in Mansfield, it will be a "cremation and potter's field". There may be more "issues" that need prayer, that is what just comes to mind as my brain is going to "mush" in the 6 hours I have taken to write this letter. Thanks again and God Bless, John ___________________________________________ John Benjamin David Tatum ‪99 Dawson Avenue‬ ‪BACK DOOR AT TOP OF WHEELCHAIR RAMP‬ Mansfield, Ohio 44906-3201 United States of America ‪http://www.facebook.com/john.benjamin.tatum‬ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ To help us afford food and clothing with your purchases: ‪http://www.amazon.com/?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&linkCode=ur2&tag=danielsandjohnsb&linkId=XOYSYBOJK3IM5JHL‬ _____________________________________________ ========================================================== HERE IS AN UPDATE I WROTE ON 27-SEPTEMBER-2017 AS SORT OF A "HELP AD" POSTED TO FACEBOOK. IT WAS SO VERBOSE I HAD TO BREAK IT INTO THREE PARTS TO POST IT TO FACEBOOK AS A "POST" (this repeats a lot of the original letter than offers updates, I just did not want to "reinvent the wheel" since the first letter took me 6 hours to type with the osteoarthritis in my hands): ========================================================== HELP/AD (PART ONE OF THREE) I was born on 22-July-1968 in Anaheim, California. I did not come into this world too easily. I was a late term pregnancy and back in 1968 my mother had to stand at the counter and write a check for the entire cost of my birth before they would admit her. As she was standing there her "water broke". As soon as the check was signed, and the paperwork completed they eventually to her up to "Labor and Delivery". When she was placed on the birthing table and her feet up in the stirrups, she was fully effaced, but instead of the crown of my head showing there was highly vascular tissue present. She was Placenta Preva (the "afterbirth" was at her uterine opening). To further complicate the issue, I was a Frank Breech (I was "butt first" instead of "head first"). I should have been born via cesarian section, but instead the OB/GYN pushed me back inside of my mother and turned me around in utero (the concern was that he would not be paid the extra costs involved in a Cesarian section, so he wanted to do it the "cheap way" of which he was already compensated for). This causes me to have an essential tremor that I have to this day, mostly visible in my hands when my arms are extended (my mother was a CNA at the time and was studying to become a nurse, a few years later she bumped into the OB/GYN when she was working as a "Labor and Delivery" nurse early in her career and he "appologized" for my method of birth). At 8 days of age, I had my Bris done by a Urologist who was also a Mohel. About a month after I was born I was baptized. As I progressed in development, I was a "weird kid". Before my first day of kindergarten, I knew my alphabet, I could count to a thousand, I knew my primary/secondary/tertiary colors, and I did not nap during the day. On my first day of kindergarten, I tested the patience of my teacher to the point of exasperation. She grew livid. She called my mother and demanded that she come pick me up, I will leave out the profanity that the teacher used...But she made it clear that there was nothing she could teach me. When my mother pulled up in her old black former Ford police car on that September day in 1973, I was being held by the arm hyoerextended above my head so I could not place my feet flat on the ground. The teacher threw me at my mother by my arm, and said to take your "______ing son and never bring him back". In my first grade year, as my classmates were reading out of the "Peanuts" novel size comic books provided by the RIF program for their "free reading time" in class, I was already at a 12th grade reading level...So I was reading "Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" as my "free reading book" out of my mother's library at home. I was born a "southpaw" and was forced to use the "correct" hand, this along with my essential tremor made my writing with my right hand barely legible. I was bored in class (I already was reading my mother's medical journals and nursing textbooks to teach me how to read...Using a Tablers Medical Dictionary to help me understand words I did not understand, and the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictonary to help me understand the words I did not know in the Tablers Medical Dictionary). When I had a test or classroom assignment I would be done in less than 5 minutes, when my classmates has 30-60 minutes to complete the task. So of course, I was diagnosed by my teacher as "Hyperactive". So my mother took me to see Child Neurologist Dr. Sidney Jacson Adler, MD...Literally the man who "wrote the book" on Hyperactivity to make the diagnosis formal and get me some treatment. Signs of Hyperactivity, are things such as "bad handwriting", "not paying attention in class" (in my case boredom, since within 2 weeks of school starting I read my textbooks from "cover to cover" and all that was taught I "already taught myself"), and not being "totally still and silent" in a classroom for 25-55 minutes (while I had ZERO to do, was forbidden from taking out a book or a pen and paper, while the other students were catching up and finishing their assignments and tests). So I was diagnosed as "Hyperactive" and placed on Ritalin (an amphetamine that in someone who is truly Hyperactive, has a paradoxical effect, it "over stimulates" the person and wears them out to the point of exhaustion) and Stelazine (a second generation anti-psycotic to counteract the effects of Ritalin when I came home from school). Well, my mother found out within less than a week, that the Ritalin was "not working" and I was "stoned on speed" and was wired whenever I was on it, and only "came down" while taking the Stelazine. After two weeks, she tossed both meds after she weaned me off of them. It seems anyone who saw Dr. Adler was "Hyperactive", no child who left his office came out with anything other than a diagnosis of "Hyperactivity" (a bias based on him being the "top expert" so why would any parent bring their child to see him, unless they were Hyperactive?). A year later,in January of 1974, I was hospitalized with Guillain-Barre Syndrome. It started to paralyze me from my toes, and ended at my "nipple line" so I did not require a respirator. But when it remitted (this was before the days of IVIG, so they just treated my symptoms until they could release me), I still had deficits. I had a neurogenic bladder and neurogenic bowel, and from my waist to my knees I only had 90% sensation and below the knees I only had 10% sensation. This made me ambulatory for the next decade, but still an incomplete paraplegic. By the age of 17 I could not walk without crutches and required a wheelchair for any distances. Well, after that I went to a private school for a few years, run by a Mormon who had some very firm ideas of education. Corporal Punishment was a core of his method, which was basically to place everyone in a "one room schoolhouse" divided by grade (different grade in each classroom) but all education occurred in that single room with resource specialists to come in for French, Music, and other such topics. Now, I did not excel there. I still was ahead of my peers. But my father VETOED the school advancing me a number of grades (even though my mother out of her own income as a Critical Care Nurse was paying my tuition). Mr. Holt, the owner and Principal of the school, tried using an oak paddle with holes drilled into it for speed and more of a "sting" to try to get me to see things "his way". My problem is I was stoic and had impunity. He would swat me until I was bruised, bleeding, and his arm was sore. I took it without a tear, without crying out, and not moving any father than the force of his blows pushed me forward. But neither the ineffectiveness of the education or the discipline caused my exit. One area where students of different grades came together was Physical Education. Well one day we were instructed to play volleyball. An older boy saw I was "different". I was quiet, introspective, and pretty much kept to myself since I had little in common with my chronological peers. So a "prime target". He grabbed my head like it was a volleyball, and spiked my head into the asphalt pavement where the volleyball court was set up. When my mother picked me up from school, I told her what happened. She did not believe me (at first) because the school never called her and told her about it. Well as she was driving home, I rolled down the passenger window of her brand new Coppertone 1977 Datsun 280Z and proceeded to attempt to remove the paint with my stomach acid (I vomited out the window as she drove down the street and all over the side of the car)...Next stop the Emergency Room to diagnose and treat my concussion. That was my last day at Fairmont Private School in Anaheim, California. This was Fall of 1976, my mother and father had "twin" early release 1977 model Coppertone Datsun 280Z's...My mother had the 2 passenger 280Z and my father had the 280ZX with the fold down rear seat that could seat our family of four. I eventually attended Woodsboro Elementary School, but again not without incident. I was still "a loner", "quiet", "introspective", and had ZERO in common with my classmates. I was recommended for a "Mentally Gifted Minds" program, but my father refused (the same man who was accepted to the Carnegie Institute of Technology but turned it down to become a NASCAR driver back in the days that "Stock Cars" were a car you bought off the showroom floor, and modified in your garage and ran down to the track to race). At recess, instead of "running around and playing games" like my chronological peers...I would take a book, lean against the wall that was the perimeter of the school yard and read a book. The "playground monitors" would scream at me for being off by myself and not playing with the other kids. I was berated for not "getting with the program" (after my GBS, I could not run and jump, if that had been my inclination...And walking unassisted with paralysis was wearing at my knees and causing pain on major exertion or walking long distances). But the one experience there, was what stands out in my mind to this day. At recess, I was standing in line to get a drink of water at the water fountain. One of my classmates, with tightly Curley hair was with his head down drinking. Two boys in line behind me were pushing each other (typical "horseplay") and one boy pushed the other into me....This pushed me into my classmate at the water fountain. He apparently hit his head on the "coral like surface" of the concrete block the school was constructed of. His hair took most of the impact and hid any sort of injury at that time. Now, about an hour later our teacher saw he was bleeding from his hairline, and sent him to the school nurse. An hour after that someone sent a note from the "office" for me to come and meet with the Principal. I explained what happened just as I did above. But because I had a "flat affect" and did not have any "regret" for what happened, I was suspended from school for a week (I am sorry, but I am not by nature apologetic for something I did not do, and I do not feel "sorry" for an action that occurs beyond my control). Well, again I have always had a sense of impunity, made stronger when I knew I did not do anything wrong (Did it come from my father who is a violent sociopath? From my "accepting" his slamming my skull into the walls at home and only the studs behind the drywall preventing my head from penetrating the wall any further? Or was it from what made me a "weird kid"?). So I had a "weeks vacation from school" (my mother slept while I was in school, she worked the "Graveyard Shift" so she would be home when my brother Danny, and I were home). So I just watched "I Love Lucy", "Gomer Pyle, USMC" and "The Andy Griffith Show" on KTTV 11 or game shows on KABC 7, KNXT 2, or KNBC 4 until my mother woke up to make dinner before she had to get ready for work. =============================================== This next part, instead of "reinventing the wheel" I will share what I wrote on the message board of the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests that I wrote on 12-January-2004: I grew up in Yorba Linda and Anaheim, California. I grew up in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and more specifically the Diocese of Orange. In November of 1978 my older (by 9 years) half-brother was involved in a motorcycle accident. My brother was near death until 1980. My mother was a critical care nurse, but this was her first born son who was near death. I was sent to spend time at our Parish, Saint Martin De Porres Roman Catholic Church, in Yorba Linda, California. At that time the pastor was Fr. Daniel Hopkus. He rarely visited my brother in the hospital ("hey he is going to die anyway and he already has had last rights&quot , and that gives you a basic idea of his character as a human being, let alone a Roman Catholic Priest. In November of 1978, I pretty much slept on the sofa in the ICU waiting room of Canyon General Hospital (now Kaiser Permanete Anaheim Hills). By the time of the New Year, it was felt that I needed to get away from the hospital (I did my school work at the hospital and spent all my time at the hospital... I was born on the 22nd of July, 1968, so I was 10 years old at the time). So it was thought that I should go to our parish and spend time there when I was not at the hospital (usually during the day, before CCD or Confirmation classes would start). So I was pretty much alone with Fr. Hopkus. He was abusive. Not just oral and anal sodomy, but he would beat me as well. I would refuse to do what he wanted sexually, and he would slap me. He would punch me through a pillow so he would not leave any marks. I still have rectal bleeding to this day. This was continuous 5 days a week from 1979-1980. It was pure hell. My father was also abusive so he was rarely home (living in sin with his girlfriend that he has to this day, they now live in North Carolina)... so I could not go to him. My mother was taking care of my brother in the daytime and would get a little sleep and would work the "graveyard shift", so she could be home with us during the day. My brother eventually came home from the hospital early but still in very serious condition, only because my mother was a critical care nurse. I took care of my brother during the times my mother was working or was sleeping. He had two chest tubes to suction every two hours, and a temporary colostomy, so I had to change those bags that his stool would go into. I would handle his urinal and I would give him bed baths and prepare all of his meals at such a young age. So I could not tell my mother what was happening when I was sent to Fr. Hopkus with so much "on her plate". The abuse ended only when my brother came home and I took care of him. Then I seldom went to Church, except for Easter and Christmas. To avoid Fr. Hopkus as much as possible. I do not hate Priests by any means... the first Pastor at St. Martin de Porres was Fr. Robert Vidal,OSM, a saint of a man. He was the one that was responsible for my First Communion. I received my Confirmation under Cardinal Mahoney, a liberal, (such as his belief in "Inclusive Language" and other liberal thoughts). But I had nothing against him as a man. Fr. Jude M. Herlihy, OSM, at Saint Juliana Falconieri Roman Catholic Church, who was a very special Priest and treated my mother very well as she was suffering with breast cancer from January of 1987 until her death in February of 1996 (we moved to that parish in Fullerton, because Fr. Vidal had moved to that parish.... we would have followed him to his other parish that he moved to next, but that was in Seal Beach, and was too far for us to drive from our home in Anaheim Hills/Yorba Linda area). Fr. Vidal even put off his heart surgery to perform my mother's funeral. So I have known some very caring and good Roman Catholic Priests. After my mother's death, things were busy. My roommate who lived in Ohio... wanted to return home to Ohio to take care of his mother... He could not afford to move, and I could not afford to stay... so I prayed that if the Lord would show Daniel a way to go home, I would go with him to help (he has Spastic Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy, but is ambulatory as well as moderate to severe hearing loss). I am an incomplete paraplegic (due to possible rheumatic fever at age 7, plus part may be due to the abuse by Fr. Hopkus, since I had motor problems around that same time), I also have osteoarthritis in both arms and now I use a power wheelchair to get around (I used to use a manual wheelchair and crutches and leg braces). So both my roommate and I are on disability. In October of 1996, the Lord answered my prayers and we moved to Ohio to come take care of my roommate's mother (in March of 1997 she was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and she was able to remain in her own home until August of 2001, when she became very violent and eventually went into a coma for a short period of time , and is now okay , and is now okay , Second April 1995 ), TIA (February 2009), HBP (Since 1999) At birth: Frank Breech, Placenta Preva as complications, pushed back in and delivered vaginally. Notes: Autism Related Hyperacussus and Photophobia --------------------------------------------------------------------- Allergies: Natural Rubber Latex (Anaphylaxis), Gentamicin (Anaphylaxis), Tryptan Migraine Medications (Anaphylaxis), Aspirin (Gastrointestinal & Rash), Pollen/Mold Allergies (Upper Respiratory) --------------------------------------------------------------------- PCP: Alfred Granson Jr., M.D. (Location Unknown/Disappeared) --------------------------------------------------------------------- Secondary PCP: Mary Kathryn Jones, DNP, CNM, ENP-BC, FNP-BC   DOCTOR OF NURSING PRACTICE (DNP) (NO LONGER PRACTICING IN MANSFIELD AS OF 10-SEPTEMBER-2015) Medquest ‪33 Lexington-Springmill Road‬ ‪Mansfield‎ OH‎ 44906‬ Phone: ‪(419) [phone redacted]‬ Office FAX: ‪(419) [phone redacted]‬ Email: ‪[email redacted]‬ --------------------------------------------------------------------- Bone Density DEXA Scan - December 2014 Lumbar X-Ray - May 2015 C-T Scan - May 2015 Bone Scan - May 2015 =============================================== JOHN BENJAMIN DAVID TATUM -- (18 Medications) =============================================== Depakote-ER 1000mg QD for Migraine Prophylaxis Klonopin 2mg TID for Hypoglycemic Seizures and PTSD, Baclofen 20mg TID for Leg Spasms, Cymbalta 60mg BID for Major Depression, Timoptic 0.5% OP TID for Narrow-Angle Glaucoma, Patanol 0.1% OP BID PRN for Eye Allergies, Zantac 150mg TID for Ulcer, Pantoprazole 40mg QD for Acid Reflux, Toprol-XL 100mg BID for Tachy and HBP, Lescol 40mg QD for Cholesterol, Allopurinol 100mg 1 tab BID for Gout, Mucinex is a  - DM 30-600CR tab BID PRN for Nasal Congestion, Benadryl 50mg Q4H PRN for Allergies, Nitrostat 0.4mg PRN for Angina, Epi-Pen .3mg PRN for Anaphylaxis Synthroid 50mcg QD for Hypothyroid DHEA 25mg QD for Hypotestosteronism APAP/Codeine #3 two tablets Q4H for Migraines and Osteoarthritis Pain =============================================== Kroger Pharmacy: ‪(419) [phone redacted]‬ (Kroger needs diagnosis for all Rx for AARP UnitedHealthcare) =============================================== MGF - Congestive Heart Failure & Diabetes - Death in mid 70's MGM - Cardiac Arrest - Death in mid 70's PGF - Bowel Cancer - Death in mid 40's PGM - Cardiac Arrest - Death in mid 40's Mother - Heart Murmur - Breast CA - Death at age 56 after 9 years with Stage IV Ca Father - Malignant Hypertension - still living as far as I know (Age 78) Half-Brother (share mother) - Cardiac Arrest due to severe motorcycle accident in 1978 - As far as I know, still living (age 56) No other known family, living or dead. ________________________________________________________________________ Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare and "Living Will for Life": On USB drive on my Medic Alert Necklace Daniel Martin Cheuka ‪99 Dawson Avenue‬ ‪Mansfield, Ohio 44906-3201‬ Phone: ‪(419) [phone redacted]‬ ________________________________________________________________________ Now a bit more "recent"....my reason for the "blank prayer request" on Facebook and my reason for asking for a ride to the Bible Study for Daniel on Wednesday. First, my body functions best between about 65F and 79F, and close to zero humidity.  If it is hotter my fatigue kicks in (and gets worse the more active I am).  If it is colder, my Osteoarthritis kicks in and I become so stiff I can barely move.  In periods of fatigue  or arthritis, it can take me about 3 hours to "get ready and get out" (compared when Daniel was my Personal Care Attendant, we could cut that down to only 30 minutes). Due to the PPACA (aka "ObamaCare"), half of the Medicare and half the Medicaid funds from the Federal Government were CUT to fund the "federal side" such as the administration of he PPACA and the healthcare dot gov website.  So my services were cut on 20-June-2012, in preparations for the "ObamaCare Start" on 01-January-2013 (since Ohio Medicaid paid for the Home Care Benefit Waiver).  So Daniel was paid for 8.5 hours a day, 365 days a year, to be my PCA, housekeeping, shopping, and other such needs for me.  On that date, we had to cash in his last IRA, which allowed him to pay his portion of the household bills until 30-September-2012 when it ran out. Then I had to use my credit cards to pay the lions share of his portion of the bills from 01-October-2012 until he received his first Social Security Check on 03-January-2013.  Then I covered his IRS/Ohio/Mansfield "Self-Employment Income Taxes" for tax year 2012.  I also covered the property taxes on the house (since I paid by credit card via Government Payments website, with the "convenience fee", I paid it "in full" instead of two payments since it as I recall is only 30 days between payments). When his mother passed away on 24-January-2014, I paid for his mother's direct cremation, inurnment, reworking of his mother's grave marker...plus when his sister died a week to the day after her 59th birthday on 20-May-2009 I paid for her direct cremation where they shipped her cremains via UPS from South Carolina...so they were both inurned on 14-May-2014 (we wanted to wait until the snow melted, opening two graves even in separate sides of the cemetery was cheaper at once...their mother on their grandmother's grave...Daniel's half sister on her father's grave.  Daniel contacted a number of ministers, the one his mother had (retired and out of town), the one who did his sister's wedding (retired and only a congregant even though his credentials are still listed as active), a friend of Daniel's here in town (never replied to his email), and a Pastor of the church we had attended prior to November 2012 (who took me to Athens Greek Restaurant, and "strongly suggested" that I move away from Daniel's home...he did not suggest where, how financially, et cetera...and my only "major objection" was that the Mortgage was to be PAID OFF IN FULL on its 15th anniversary date of 08-December-2013.  While my name was not "on the mortgage"...we presumed Daniel's mother would not live to age 92 since her two sisters and three brothers died before their mid-80's...we developed a "death budget" to prepare for when Daniel's mother passed away...so we could "get the bills paid"....due to her Alzheimer's disease, and going into Woodlawn/Liberty Nursing home on 20-August-2001 [when she became too violent for two disabled people to take care of]...we started the "death budget" on that date [since her income had to be "signed over" to the nursing home to qualify for Ohio Medicaid to cover her expenses, since Medicare only pays for the Doctor and Hospital parts of Nursing Home care...so when Dr. Granson visited her at the home, or when she was admitted to the hospital would be the only time Medicare would pay]... Well I said to the pastor "I may not be on the mortgage, but since we only have a year left on the mortgage, I feel a MORAL RESPONSIBILITY to remain until after the final payment on 08-December-2013...and if there was a way for me to move out I would have no problem moving after I get paid on 03-January-2014".  He got a text from his wife (one of the many in e less than an hour we were at the restaurant), and I never heard from him again. So since we could not find someone to do the graveside service, on 14-May-2014 (the day after Linda's birthday, which was a Wednesday after all the snow melted off at Mansfield Cemetery)...Daniel wrote the "sermon" (he is one semester from a Bachelors of Religion from Capitol University in Columbus, he was put on "academic suspension" because the first half of his final semester his grades slipped...he was not in the "‪Animal House‬ Fraternity" [that was in the basement of the student housing, that the school required all fraternities to be located ON CAMPUS], but he was "one step above".  Most of his fraternity brothers were pre-law, and pretty much would always have a keg and unwind with alcohol at the end of each day.  So it was drinking on average a "six pack" of beer each day...so his grades slipped).  I performed the "graveside service" first for Anne (their mother) so Linda could "attend" even though she pre-deceased her mother.  Then we went to the other side of the cemetery and we buried her sister's cremains. I figured that a spring day would be better than a winter day (since Daniel's birthday on 12-February is usually a "blizzard" and Anne passed away on 24-January-2014), and a Wednesday morning would be "clear" for any minister (a morning, mid-week).  With those in active ministry who Daniel emailed DID NOT EVEN OFFER A REPLY, he wrote the sermon as he did as part of his Bachelors of Religion studies, and since I performed many funerals I gave the sermons at the gravesides. Between the death of his mother and the funeral of his mother and sister he received two "notices".  The first was from the ODJFS via the Attorney General's Office...they wanted to have Daniel repay his income from FIRST QUARTER 2011 (a year BEFORE I lost my services, and he sees a years BEFORE he lost his job...so nearly a year after he lost his job they are demanding $25,000 IN FULL).  The second is that Daniel when he went to work for Meijer in 2000, was getting Social Security Disability, and the SSA sent him postage paid business reply envelopes for him to mail in his paycheck stubs each month...after two years he was told not to send in anymore.  But they sent him a bill for "Overpayment of Social Security Disability and Supplemental Security Income" and I negotiated at that time to pay $10 to each, or two checks for a total for $20 a month until paid off.  But as of 2014, they DEMANDED the remaining $30,000.00 IN FULL.   So with $55,000.00 in repayment of pay to ODJFS and SSD/SSI overpayment in total, we were in BIG TROUBLE.  The AG sent a collection letter for the ODJFS talking about seizing tax refunds (he always owed, he never had a refund being self employed as my PCA), lottery winnings (I do not believe in gambling), Liquor License (Daniel will not be opening a bar or restaurant)...but where they could get us was a "Sheriff's Sale" of the house that was just paid off on 08-December-2013.  Social Security Disability told Daniel they would stop his payments as of 03-May-2014, until the balance was "paid in full" (based on his income at the time that would have been 36.5 months or just over 3 years of NO INCOME and ineligible for unemployment since his job from 2003 to 2012 was as an "independent provider for the ODJFS").  So on 13-May-2014 I took Daniel to the only Bankruptcy attorney that accepted a credit card in the phone book (as long as it was not one of Daniel's, which if used for a Bankruptcy would be considered "fraud" if it was added to the bankruptcy).  So I paid the money for his bankruptcy lawyer fees, filing fees, credit report to automatically fill in that portion of his filing, and his pre and post filing "credit counseling" on my MasterCard. Very little on my credit cards are mine (I use a specific card just for our meds, and pay the copayment a off in full each month....then the two other cards have Daniel's taxes, bankruptcy, and other such expenses from 20-June-2012 to present...as well as "non-food groceries", non-Medicare covered medical expenses, laundry out at "Clean Jeans" out on Ashland Road once we run out of clean clothing since we have been without a working dryer longer than we have been without a fridge).   Total debt is about $13,000 (give or take on my Barclaycard Rewards MasterCard and Slate Visa which were what I used to cover Daniel's expenses before he started getting Social Security Disability, Daniel's taxes, and unexpected expenses such as funeral and bankruptcy).    ________________________________________________________________________ But even more recently is related to all the above.  My PTSD and my physical limitations have been pushed to their limits.   As a hypoglycemic I am supposed to split 3 "regular meals" in half so I have "6 smaller meals a day", every two hours.  Instead Daniel and I eat one meal a day that we split between us (such as a box of macaroni and cheese as our daily meal, or when we had a refrigerator/freezer perhaps a single frozen burrito each).  So I take Klonopin to keep myself from having seizures due to low blood sugar (it also helps the anxiety of my PTSD). But our entire "food budget" is $111 a month (Daniel gets $22 in "food stamps" and I get $89 on my card and we just combine them and each eat half of whatever we have each day, after it is loaded on the 7th of each month when Daniel can get to the store).  So needless to say the Berean food ministry is a true Godsend, we make it last until the 7th of the next month. As far as the food we buy, I admit it is "crap".  It is whatever is the "cheapest".  When Daniel was working we only ate healthy (fresh or frozen, and whatever lean protein was on sale for $2 a pound or less).  Since we have been put on a "food stamp budget" we buy things such as "canned, boxed, or bottled" (horrible amounts of sodium and preservatives).  Just look at the "average" prices at the PAW or Lexington Avenue Krogers, where milk or OJ is about $4 a gallon (if not on sale), Cranberry or other juices are between $2.50-$5.00 a half gallon at Kroger.  But even a "name brand" 2 liter (which is slightly more than half a gallon) soda ON SALE is cheaper than making Iced Tea or store brand "Kool Aid" (tea or flavoring plus sugar, sometimes is more than 50 cents per half gallon, and sometimes Pepsi or Coke products bought in quantity are 50 cents per two liter bottle...and I can make that last up to 4 days, unless I am dehydrated then I can finish a bottle in less than a half hour). But sometimes it is tap water and sushi rice (steamed rice, with rice wine vinegar and a little sugar) as being the only food in the house when we have finished off everything.  As of the day of Bob Ray's memorial we had no food of any kind, not even expired food hidden in the back of a cabinet for about 4-5 days.  Since then we have been on our Berean "care package" until sometime after the 7th. By the way, I want to thank you for what you provided this morning. Daniel woke me up ‪at 07:00‬ (I did not know if it was dawn or dusk, I have been weak and sick since we came home from Church on Friday, I have not been out of bed even once).  I just finished the first half gallon of OJ about 13:55 this afternoon. Physical stress from the weather and doing so much (coming home and having chest pains and shortness of breath, from something as simple as a trip to the store), tends to take its toll.  Heck, sometimes when I am loading my wheelchair into the back seat of my car, I have a period of chest pains and shortness of breath where I have to sit in the driver's seat and attempt to take some deep breaths and let the pain pass before I can start the car and pull away. Then autism related problems due to my Asperger's Syndrome...as a NeuroTypical (aka "normal") person when they get dressed in a minute or two do not feel the "weight" of their clothing.  To me, I feel the weight and it is painful until I get undressed.  So I tend to wear things like surgical scrubs, soccer shorts, and polo shirts which tend to be lighter and usually in a size or two larger than my actual size. My "winter coat" is a 4XL because I can zip it down halfway, turn it upside down, with the zipper toward my abdomen.  Then I can put my arms in it from a seated position, and pull it over my head and pull it on like a sweatshirt and then zip it up.  It is huge on me but it is the smallest to be able to put on from a seated position and with my limitations due to my back and arms warn out from years on crutches and full leg braces from my feet to my waist. Heck, with my AFO "short" leg braces, my size 10.5 feet require a size 13 shoe to accommodate my foot and the leg brace.  I have bruised my toes and caused bleeding (I have had my socks covered in blood because I would bang the top  my foot on something and not know I did any damage)...that is why I have only worn steel toed boots for decades.  The steel and the leather take the force and I rarely have any bruises or bleeding on my feet.  The AFO braces only are to offer support of my feet so I can transfer from one seat to another seat without twisting my ankles and severely spraining my ankles which I can not feel and only notice when it can not support any weight.  I have had "foot drop" since I had Guillain-Barre Syndrome in 1975. With PTSD I have major Unipolar Depression (I can not define "happy" or "mania" other than a dictionary definition since I have never known those states of emotion in my life), which is treated with Cymbalta.  PTSD also gives me anxiety, but anti-anxiety meds are not covered by Medicare Part D, but thankfully I have seizures from hypoglycemia so for that specific purpose I get Klonopin that is an anti-anxiety (a benzodiazepine) that also deals with seizures.  The third part of the PTSD triad is "night terrors", this is not a "nightmare" or a "bad dream"...it is where you wake up SCREAMING and in a cold sweat for no apparent reason (not because of any "images").  Those are the main three diagnostic criteria of PTSD.  Now a situation such as having "flashbacks" to the "stressor" back to the point of first trauma is "additional and co-morbid" but is not PTSD itself. Minor stress also has come up...fridge dying last fall, dryer dying about a year before that (so having to budget $45-$100 to do laundry when we are with our last outfit...if we have no money to drive to Clean Jeans to drop them off one morning and to drive back the next morning to pick up our clothing...or the actual cost of their laundry services including tax), our telephone service with CenturyLink being down for over a month (not our first problem with CenturyLink).  So this is added stress on top of everything else. A friend of mine that I offer Pastoral Counseling via phone sent me a cellular phone with a prepaid LycaMobile sim chip and he keeps it loaded each month (he was terrified when he found out he could not contact me by phone).  I have a very tiny Safelink "ObamaPhone" that is perhaps 2" long and an inch wide, that I have had since around the time President GW Bush was sworn in, in 2001.  Daniel can't use it due to his hearing and neither of us can dial using the small keypad (we have it for emergency calls to 9-1-1, that is why it has about 5,000 unused minutes on it).  But my friend in Poland wanted to be able to call me and for me to be able to call him in Poland.  LycaMobile has contracts with T-Mobile in the US and with Plus in Poland, so he can call me when he is in crisis and if I am away from the phone (in Church on Wednesdays, bathing, sleeping), I can call him back at no additional charge.  He invested in this phone because we did not know when CenturyLink would be back up (it is still not), and it is so bad that we picked the "lesser of two evils" and are switching to Time-Warner Cable for ONLY Internet and Telephone using our old CenturyLink phone number (same number that goes back 50+ years to Mansfield Telephone).  We hated TWC in the past because when we had them for television only, the bill would seem to go up each month, even though we never added any new services.  So we dumped them 18 years ago.  But without any landline phone service, and spotty borrowed internet service, we had no choice.  Hopefully by noon on Friday we will have phone service again (TWC is supposed to be here at 09:00 on the 2nd). I "selfishly" picked my two areas of study in the University.   Due to my Aspergers (diagnosed by one of my professors, a Neuropsychiatrist, a Neurologist who is also a Psychiatrist, was on the APA committee to put Asperger's Syndrome in the DSM back in the 1980's...who admitted me to the Universities hospital and I had a team diagnose me and I was one of the first in the US officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome)...I studied Psychology to find out why this "Weird Kid" grew up into an "Eccentric Adult" (I was always a loaner, I read "Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" as my first grade "free reading book", after all I had a tested Stanford-Binet IQ of 176 at age 5).   I grew up with Orthodox Jewish Hebrew School, and Roman Catholic Confraternity of Christian Doctrine classes in my childhood.  As a teen after my Bar Mitzvah and my Catholic Confirmation, I was active with Calvary Chapel at their "headquarters church" in Costa Mesa, California with Sunday School, Bible Studies, and regular services.  Back when I was working, I would go to Synagogue on Friday evening, Catholic Mass for Saturday Evening Service, on Sunday I would go to Calvary Chapel's early morning services and studies, and then perhaps go to another denomination that would have a service anytime after ‪09:30‬ on a Sunday morning....but all of that religious exposure and education...I could not believe in "faith alone".  The "guy with the white beard on the cloud" having what Mormons call a "burning in the bosom" that "something is true" just did not work for me.  My "Aspie Logic" would not "buy it".  But taking classes at Bob Jones University, Liberty University, and other schools before I started my formal Doctoral studies in Theology...helped me quite a bit.  I took my studies to try to determine "logically" if there was truly a "God".  So it was not "simple childlike faith" but heavy study. It is like my "hobby", I took a class at a time at a local culinary institute in Beverly Hills, California (I was going to school in Westwood at UCLA) during a "free time" when I was not having a class on UCLA's campus.  One day, I was asked "what is your final dish?"...this question stymied me...you only have to do such a thing when you graduate from their program.  I never realized I completed every class they had to offer in the past 4 years.  I had a 98 out of 100 on my Quiche Loraine that I made. I think it is the "obsessing and excluding all else" in studies is what allowed me to dig into such studies.  I was never involved in "fraternities" or "clubs" or other "campus activities".  I was on campus for classes or the library.  Otherwise I was back at home sleeping.   After I completed my education, I was already on "permanent disability" (GBS paralysis at age 7 did not slow me down, my heart attack in October 1988 thirteen years later on top of it is what caused me to retire).  I admittedly took my studies for "selfish" reasons.  So I put my two doctorates together and started giving assistance to those who come to me for assistance.  Getting a phone call, an instant message, or an email anytime day or night...I help people in crisis.  Offer help to prevent problems that visiting a regular psychoanalyst (those in the military can't go to a military shrink, because it goes up the "chain of command", those who may have "legal problems" have the concern that HIPAA can be "pierced" with a court order but under the "First Amendment" a "religious leader" can not be compelled to reveal such confidences in court).  So many have found me a "safe alternative".   In situations of "suicidal idealizations", if in my professional opinion I feel it is "real", I will convince the person to get some local help.  I would "put them on hold" click over to "three way calling" and call a local hospital to them and I would "click" the three of us together and facilitate the assistance until help arrives at their home.   If it was in the US it was no cost to them or I. If they were outside of the US, I would make the "long distance call" and let the Lord Provide for the cost of the phone call. I have considered my counseling to be doing the Lord's Work.  So I would never charge for it (I know how hard it is to find decent counseling for myself, nobody with a PhD or MD takes Medicare in this area and Medicare does not pay for much in the way of Psychiatric Counseling).  So I have put my education to good use, may not be "successful" from a worldly perspective...but my reward that matters is what is in Heaven. I help many people daily this way.  But the only one I have to turn to is myself in similar areas.  At least I have never had any idealizations of self harm.  I guess I still have too much of a fear of the "fires of hell"...even though my personal theological belief is that if a person is "not in their right mind" they can not be held "legally responsible for their actions" be it Man's Law or God's Law.  A person who is "out of their mind" and kills themselves deserves burial in "hallowed ground" and a "Christian Burial".  Only if a person is in their "right mind" and takes their life (such as to "shorten suffering", or to "spite someone" and other selfish reasons is it a "thought out suicide" and comes into a moral dilemma). _______________________________________________________________________ But why did I ask for prayer on Facebook? Physical problems related to my disabilities. Depression related to my PTSD, my situation, and my health. I normally have insomnia and at the most get 4 hours of fitful sleep a day. My physical strength is gone (I fell asleep about 18:00 on Friday and woke up around 16:00 on Saturday, and slept most of Sunday at least 16 hours, again I have not been out of bed since we came home Friday night). Still waiting on the Doctor from Shelby who also has an office here in Mansfield to say "yea or nay" if he will accept us (trying to hit one doctor at a time, since two of us have to go to the same doctor...one I need Daniel's assistance, Daniel needs my memory and explaining things that are outside his "wheelhouse of knowledge", and he has no other transportation...and I would hate more than one doctor to say "we will take you" all at the same time and have to "turn down" one or more doctors, then find out the doctor we picked is a moron, and have to hunt for another doctor to replace them after "burning bridges" by turning down a doctor). So we are trying to get this done before we run out of medication refills in November. I have had migraines, BP symptoms, hypoglycemia symptoms, and even sitting up I have orthostatic problems (dizzy and light headed). Plus I am alone and lonely, Daniel has been working hard to get the kitchen clean for the phone installation on Friday by TWC, and for the fridge sometime in the future once the old fridge is pulled out and a replacement can be put in its place.  Two options fell through, so it will either be Berean helping or I will have to order one over the Internet from some source and hire a junk hauler to haul off the old fridge and the counter height freezer Rumpke did not take.  With Daniel, I see him usually around our daily meal (I eat the first half, he eats the remainder).  Hard to afford to get out for anything (even when gasoline is cheap).  Rarely have had more than a meal a day let alone been "full" at bedtime...so I do not have money to "waste". I have a "rule of thumb" to not spend more than 10% of my available credit. This is because if I spend more than 10%, I can not afford to pay it.  Right now with Daniel's debt as I explained earlier I am at about 13% or 14% of my available credit.   The only "Friendship and Fellowship" I have at all is what I get at Berean or via Facebook, and much of that takes the form of some form of counseling other people so instead of "Friendship or Fellowship" it is work and I need to keep my mind focused since one "mistake" and it can mean one or more lives. I will not even go into my fear of a "direct cremation and a potter's field" when I die (I had my first heart attack at age 20 and the cardiologist predicted I would only live to be 30, I turned 47 on the 22nd of July of this year).  A 40 year old friend of mine (a "Friendship/Memory" bracelet for him is what I wear on my left wrist), he was in perfect health, he had cerebral palsy but was healthy...he went in to have kidney stones removed from his kidney surgically at age 40 a few months ago...he died on the table.  His family had not prepared nor could they afford a funeral (his mother died of bone cancer about a month before), so he was directly cremated and his cremains are sitting on a shelf in the funeral home until it is paid for.  If his family did not "accept the body" he would have been cremated and put in a mass grave by the coroner's office once they have enough to bury.  I find cremation an anathema, and at my mother's funeral on 29-February-1996 and at the joint funeral of Daniel's mother Anne and his sister Linda on 14-May-2014...only 6 people showed up at each funeral and no "wake" was held afterward for any of them.  My mother was buried because her executor paid for the funeral and attached the bills to the estate.  Daniel's sister and mother were both directly cremated because that is all I could afford on my credit card, plus it was the only way to bury Anne on their grandmother's grave and Linda on her father's grave, a cremation was the only option. I could not afford a decent casket let alone two grave sites. Odds are if I am still in Mansfield, it will be a "cremation and potter's field". There may be more "issues" that need prayer, that is what just comes to mind as my brain is going to "mush" in the 6 hours I have taken to write this letter. Thanks again and God Bless, John ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ HELP/AD (PART THREE OF THREE) Since I wrote that letter to Bill in September of 2015, more has happened. In June of 2016, I had a PSA test of 14 ng/ml and at 47 years of age at the time, anything above a 2.0 ng/ml is "high". My Internist did not contact me with the test results. So I did not find out until my "prescription renewal" appointment in September 2016 that any of my blood work was abnormal. I was then referred to a Urologist to "follow up", do a prostate physical and schedule a prostate biopsy in November. Before the prostate biopsy, I was referred to a Gastroenterologist for a Colonoscopy since my paternal grandfather died of bowel cancer at age 46. I had the colonoscopy in October, and a week later I had my first appointment with the Urologist (my colon is "normal and no polyps or sign of disease). After my 12 prostate core samples were taken I had to wait a couple of weeks for the biopsy report to come in. The results were a 3+4=7 Now, Prostate Cancer is determined under the microscope on a "5 point Gleason scale", where "1" is "normal looking cells with good definition" as the "best" and a "5" is "cells are destroyed and have absolutely no definition" as the worse. The prostate when they take the biopsy is "divided in half" with 6 core samples extracted from one half of the prostate, and the other 6 core samples from the other half of the prostate. Each side is "scored separately" and they add the numbers together for a "final score". So in my case, half of my prostate has "3" cells (mid range) and the other half had "4" cells (worse, but not the WORST). So after a biopsy a "1+1=2" is a healthy prostate that probably has no cancer. The "worst case" is a "5+5=10" where the prostate is totally cancerous and odds are the person is "terminal". Well, I was "in the middle" with a score of "3+4=7". I had a few treatment options, from "most optimal" to "least optimal": 1. Robot Assisted Radical Prostatectomy (cut about 5 slits, each an inch long on the abdomen and insert robotic probes and cut out the prostate under general anesthetic) cure rate greater than 95%. 2. Prostate Low Dose Brachytherapy (Install about 100 rice sized seeds into the prostate surgically via needles inserted into the peritoneum under general anesthetic, to slowly kill the prostate and its containing cancer) cure rate about 85%. 3. External Beam Gamma Knife Radiation Therapy (5 days a week for 8-10 weeks, go in and have a high powered x-ray machine "nuke" the prostate for 5-10 minutes per treatment...One problem, it also irradiates your bladder and bowels, can cause urinary and bowel issues, and kills healthy tissue) cure rate about 85%. 4. Add hormone reduction therapy to reduce testosterone to the prostate that feeds the cancer (ONLY added to Brachytherapy or Gamma Knife therapy as mentioned above....BUT it has the "side effect" of possibly causing dementia and it is STRONGLY discouraged by the Cleveland Clinic Cancer Center) it adds perhaps 5% higher cure rate to radiation alone. 5. Chemotherapy (ONLY given if the cancer metastasis occurs outside of the prostate since chemotherapy does not work on prostate cancer) 0-5% survival rate of 6-36 months. Now due to my full Cardiac Arrest at age 20, and 3 Myocardial Infarctions since then and never being under a General Anesthetic (my Colonoscopy was Propophol IV Sedation)...Having "Option One" would have meant up to 8 hours under a General Anesthetic and the concern was I would not wake up from the surgery (being "cancer free" and "dead" did not seem like a good option). All of my doctor's including Radiation Oncologists, said "If they had Prostate Cancer they would have the Prostatectomy". So the "second best" with a maximum of 90 minutes under General Anesthetic was the Brachytherapy which we decided was the safest way to go the first time around (I was out for less than 60 minutes to put in about 100 seeds, my prostate is 15.5ml in volume...A "normal healthy adult male prostate" is from 15ml-60ml...So a small area to shove a lot of seeds into). On 10-January-2017, I had the Prostate Brachytherapy done. In April my PSA dropped down to 2.02 ng/ml (below the "maximum" for someone who was 48). This month, I think my PSA was 1.67ng/ml not bad for a Prostate Cancer patient at age 49. As soon as my PSA is 0.0ng/ml both my prostate and its cancer will be totally dead and I will be in remission. 5 years after I get that score I will be considered "curred". Now, with the radioactive seeds in me, I will be actively radioactive for 5 years, but a "Radioactive Biohazard" permanently (no cremation is possible, since "putting my body in the oven" would create a radiation hazard and cause the crematorium to be sealed until a hazmat team can clean up the Radiation hazard). So I am only eligible for a full body burial when I eventually die. ..... Now, why did I "empty my heart" to everyone in this long message? Well, I need help. I am not one to ask for help. But I don't know what to do. Helping out my best friend and roommate, Daniel Martin Cheuka, has really affected me financially. When his sister died, he did not have the money for her direct cremation in Anderson, South Carolina after her death on 20-May-2009, a week to the day after her 59th birthday from breast cancer metastasis to her brain. I put it on my credit card. When his mother died in January of 2014 at the age of 93 from Alzheimer's Disease, again he could not pay for her funeral. I paid for the direct cremation, having his grandmother's grave marker reworked so his mother's name could be added, having his sister's name added to her father's grave marker, opening an urn sized hole on the grandmother's grave for his mother and a similar hole on his sister's (half-sister's) father's grave to insert her urn. We waited until 14-May-2014 to do the inurnment (so the snow from when his mother died would melt at the cemetery, it would be warmer outside for two quick services at two graves on opposite sides of the same cemetery, it would be the day after what would have been his sister's 64th birthday, and it was a Wednesday morning so we thought we could find a minister to do the service). Well we contacted every minister we knew personally and nine returned our emails or voicemail messages (Started calling in January when Daniel came home from the funeral home the day his mother died). So Daniel wrote the two sermons, and I gave them at the gravesides. The day before the funeral, Daniel filed for bankruptcy protection due to Social Security coming after him for an overpayment daring back to 2000 with "interest and penalties" came to around $50,000.00 and he had about $70,000.00 in credit card debt. Since Daniel could not afford it, I put it on my credit card. In October/December of 2015, we needed to do emergency repairs to the house. A Tennant that stayed in February of 2015 and "skipped out" on his rent at the end of that month...Left the back door open and let in mice. He left food residue, trash, and clothing covered in fecal material, in his room when he snuck out in the middle of the night. We also needed to replumb the kitchen and bathroom, and other miscellaneous repairs, because it was so bad the house was condemned. Then back in 2012, the ObamaCare destruction of Medicaid caused me to lose my home care benefit waiver (services to keep me from going into a nursing home) and that caused Daniel to lose his job as my Personal Care Attendant effective 20-June-2012 (ObamaCare started in January 2013, so the cuts had to be made to Medicaid before it started). He had ZERO income until 03-January-2013 when he would be able to restart Social Security Disability due to him having Cerebral Palsy. Until 08-December-2013 there was a mortgage on this house, and only my Social Security Disability to pay all bills for myself and Daniel. So I covered his half of the expenses from when my Medicaid Home Care Benefit Waiver was cut, and after he cashed in his small IRA...That only covered his share of expenses through mid-July 2012. So for 6 months until his check in January 2013 and our ability to catch him up. Daniel gets just over $900 a month in Social Security Disability and I get just over $700 a month in Social Security Disability. Between his SNAP (aka "food stamp") card and mine we get around $90 a month in food. Food beyond that, and "non-food groceries" (toilet paper, soap, toothpaste, tooth brushes, over the counter medications, et cetera) has had to go on the credit card. All of these expenses from the cremation of Daniel's sister, his mother's funeral arrangements, his bankruptcy, the Emergency repairs to the house, covering his half of the utilities until his disability checks started....Has that single credit card up to a balance just over $25,000.00 (90% of it emergency spending on Daniel's behalf...The remainder my medical expenses not covered by Medicare and Ohio Medicaid for my wheelchair, medications, and unreimbursed medical expenses). My "minimum payment" alone as of 03-October-2017 is almost equal to my entire Social Security check. None of this is "luxury", it is "keeping a roof over our heads", "utilities on", "home repairs", "funeral expenses", "bankruptcy expenses" and basic food and groceries. I am at a point where I don't dare put anything else on the card for fear of being unable to make the minimum payment. Daniel wanted to get groceries from Kroger or Walmart, and I refused. So we need to wait until 07-October-2017 (and the 7th of the month each month after that, and spend no more than $2.60 a day in groceries for feed two people...What SNAP provides). So we are pretty much on a "water diet" from now until the 7th presuming Daniel can get to the grocery store. I am begging and pleading I do not know what to do. So I ask for your thoughts, your prayers, and any assistance you feel you can provide. Thank you for your consideration, John Benjamin Tatum =========================================================== NOW IT IS 15-NOVEMBER-2018 AS I UPDATE THIS SO ALL INFORMATIIN BELOW UPDATES THE INFORMATION IN THE ORIGINAL LETTER WHICH AS OF TODAY IS AROUND THREE YEARS OUT OF DATE: =========================================================== First our SNAP (aka "food stamps") is $59 a month and $15 for Daniel, we shop together and buy what the SNAP covers...so that is $74 if my math at 03:52 in the morning is right. Divide that by 30 days and that is $2.46 per day, divide that by 2 and that is $1.23 a day PER PERSON as our total food budget per month. SNAP is alloted each year as a "block grant" based on the average use in the previous fiscal year I'm each state. They take that grant and divide it by 12 months. Then they divide it by how many people are in SNAP in each quarter (they make quarterly adjustments, if more people go on the program, everyone's payment goes down, if less people go on the program the payment goes up). We once as you can see had over $100 a month. Now we have $74 between us. Now Daniel and I are both on Social Security Disability. I get two checks, one based on my own work record, and one as survivors benefits from when my mother died at age 56 in 1996. Daniel gets one check, which is about $100 a month higher than mine (he was my personal care attendant from about September 2003 to June 2012 and making around $50,000 a year, so the mortgage was paid, we ate well, we had comfortable use of the utilities, and he covered some of my own medical expenses not covered by Medicare or Medicaid). Just due to that $100 difference he gets $44 less per month in SNAP than I get. We eat once a day, and we eat together, so we combine the funds, and eat until the food runs out each month. Then wait until the cards reload on the 7th of the month and go grocery shopping when I next have a doctor's appointment (since I tend to have at least one a month). Daniel's cerebral palsy is so bad he can not drive. At 61 he uses a shopping cart as a "walker" or grabs on to the back of my wheelchair and pushes me (an annoying habit for those of us who are in wheelchairs) but it keeps him from falling. I have mentioned these before in passing, I think, but these are my "sensory processing disorders" due to my Aspergers Syndrome: My Sensory Processing Disorders: Photophobia (Extreme Sensitivity to Light) - Treated With Dark Rx Sunglasses Hyperacusis (Extreme Sensitivity to Sound) - Treated With Earplugs and Earphones Tactile Hyperesthesia (Extreme Sensitivity to Touch) - Treated With Oversized Clothes Olfactory Hyperosmia (Extreme Sensitivity to Smell) - Eliminate Strong Odors Gustatory Hyperesthesia (Extreme Sensitivity to Taste) - Don't Overcook Food My most recent list of medications have changed a little since my prostate cancer and my BP has been a bit harder to control: John's Medications May 08, 2018 ========================================================== 
JOHN BENJAMIN DAVID TATUM -- (21 Medications) ========================================================== ALL MEDICATIONS ARE MONTHLY AMOUNTS ==========================================================
 Depakote-ER 500mg 2 tablets QD for Migraine Prophylaxis (Refills x 6) #60
 
Klonopin 2mg TID for Hypoglycemic Seizures and PTSD (Refills x 6) #90
 
Baclofen 20mg TID for Leg Spasms (Refills x 6) #90
 
Cymbalta 60mg 1 capsule BID for Major Depression (Refills x 6) #60
 
Timoptic 0.5% OP instill one drop in each eye TID for Narrow Angle Glaucoma
(Refills x 6) #15
 
Patanol 0.1% OP instill one drop in each eye BID PRN for Eye Allergies (Refills x 6) #10
 
Zantac 300mg TID for Ulcer (Refills x 6) #90
 
Pantoprazole 40mg QD for Acid Reflux (Refills x 6) #30
 
Toprol-XL 100mg 1 tab BID for Tachycardia and High Blood Pressure (Refills x 6) #60
 
Atorvastatin 20mg tablet QD for Cholesterol (Refills x 6) #30
 Allopurinol 100mg 1 tab BID for Chronic Gouty Arthritis (Refills x 6) #60
 
Synthroid 50mcg QD for Hypothyroid (Refills x 6) #30
 
DHEA 25mg QD for Hypotestosteronism (Refills x 6) #30
 
Mucinex - DM 30-600CR tab BID PRN for Nasal Congestion (Refills x 6) #60
 
Diphenhydramine HCL 50mg 1 capsule Q4H PRN for Allergies (Refills x 6) #100
 
Nitrostat 0.4mg PRN for Angina (Refills x 6) #100
 
Epi-Pen .3mg PRN for Anaphylaxis (Refills x 6) #6 Plavix 75mg QD for Clot Prophylaxis (Refills X 6) #30 Flomax 0.4mg QD for Prostate Cancer(Refills X 6) #30 Amlodipine 5mg QD for Hypertension and Angina (Refills X 6) #30 APAP/Codeine #3 - 2 tablets Q4H PRN for migraine & osteoarthritis pain (Refills x 2) #100
 
========================================================== With finding a new doctor to replace the one who let my PSA go from a normal 2.0 NG/ML to 14.0 NG/ML (he had 5 test results all above 5.0 NG/ML and only referred me to a Urologist after it got to 14.0 NG/ML. My cancer luckily did not spread, but I could have treated it years earlier. So I knew I had to fill out Daniel's paperwork since his writing is worse than mine, with only Ambulatory Spastic Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy, COPD, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and a Moderate to Severe Hearing Loss his papers took me only about 15 minutes to fill out even with the osteoarthritis in my hands. Mine took an hour. Just my medications and dosages took over 15 minutes. So here are all of the medical issues and proceedures I have had since birth: My major disability and health concerns in chronological order: For a summary check my Facebook Photo Albums at: https://www.facebook.com/john.benjamin.tatum PHOTOS>ALBUMS (All dealing with my medical issues are prefixed with " * " and general photo albums directly relating to me are prefixed with " ^ " https://www.facebook.com/john.benjamin.tatum/photos_albums I just listed the major ones from birth to present that I have actually shared before (just the "Tip of the Iceberg", not exhaustive by any means): ===================================================== Frank Breech:. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breech_birth Placenta Previa: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Placenta_praevia Circumcision: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision Aspergers Syndrome: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome Sensory Processing Disorder: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_processing_disorder Dyscalculia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyscalculia Dysgraphia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysgraphia Hypoglycemia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoglycemia Guillain-Barre Syndrome: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guillain–Barré_syndrome Neurogenic Bladder: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurogenic_bladder_dysfunction Neurogenic Bowel: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_incontinence Chronic Pain: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_pain Peptic Ulcer: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peptic_ulcer_disease Acid Reflux: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastroesophageal_reflux_disease Upper Respiratory Allergies: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhinitis PTSD: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraumatic_stress_disorder Major Unipolar Depression: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder Chronic Fatigue: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_fatigue_syndrome Migraine Headaches: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine Natural Rubber Latex Allergy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latex_allergy Anaphylaxis: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anaphylaxis High Cholesterol: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypercholesterolemia Osteoarthritis: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osteoarthritis Cardiac Arrest: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardiac_arrest Angina Pectoralis: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angina Narrow-Angle Glaucoma: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glaucoma Gout: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gout High Blood Presure: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypertension Myocardial Infarction: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myocardial_infarction Hypotestosterone: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androgen_deficiency Transient Ischemic Attack: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transient_ischemic_attack Blood Clots: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thrombosis Hypothyroid: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothyroidism Vocal Cord Paralysis: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vocal_fold_paresis Prostate Hardening: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benign_prostatic_hyperplasia Prostate Cancer: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostate_cancer Pneumonia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumonia ===================================================== In chronological order: Essential Tremor due to Frank Breech and Placenta Previa birth. Aspergers Syndrome from birth. Guillain-Barre Syndrome Incomplete Paralysis at T-12/L-1 since age 7. Rape related Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (With it's related Major Depression) from age 10. First heart attack, full cardiac arrest at age 20. Osteoarthritis since about age 30. Prostate Cancer at age 47. Those are the "big ones". Born in Anaheim, California, USA but currently in Mansfield, Ohio. ____________________________________________________________________________________________ So I have tried to put together a bit of a biography. It is repetitive and disjointed. But even "cutting and pasting" and cleaning up formating errors has taken me a couple of hours. I wanted to create one "omnibus" biography that covers my life from birth to age 50 now in November of 2018. I admit I "cut and pasted" a letter I wrote to a friend Bill. I also had sort of an "Ad" that was a prayer request where I used my letter to Bill. I also used information I pulled together so I had everything I could email to our new doctor and to fill out their forms (she is at University Hospital like our Urologist, and I emailed her a lot of info, but there were still 5 sheets of paper I had to fill out for Daniel and 5 I had to fill out myself and I had a lot more history to report). I am going to take image captures of this entire document and create an "Autobiography 2018" photo album so this is all in one place for anyone to read. G-D Bless You, Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Hanukkah, and Merry Christmas, John Benjamin David Tatum 99 Dawson Avenue BACK DOOR AT TOP OF WHEELCHAIR RAMP Mansfield, OH 44906-3201 USA