Bring my son back home!
I have a lawyer now and have spent what little I have and will continue to sell more of my belongings to pay for these expenses. But this still leaves me short. In the end, I don't know exactly how much all this will cost, so the $8,000 mark is a rough guess. But based on retainer fee's for lawyers in Bend, I don't think I'm far off, and I've probably underestimated. To put you at ease, my lawyer says I have a really, really good shot at winning this.
I'm in a tough spot on how much I want to reveal on here, in the event that the other party uses it to their advantage. But in essence, most of the money I'll need will be going toward getting an attorney in Florida (in addition to the one here in Oregon) as well as paying for multiple flights.
Without defaming the mother, I will simply say that my son is not safe with her for multiple reasons which may include assorted drug abuse, mental instability, inability to work, and subjecting my son to increasingly abusive men that she encounters and is involved with.
Simply put, my son needs a safe home and that is with me as it has always been. Please help me bring my son back to Oregon. If I could pay for it all by myself I would, and it hurts my pride asking for help. If at all possible, I will be refunding any unspent monies to their respective donors.
Other than that the only thing I'm waiting on are responses from the Oregon state police and their investigation as well as any joint investigation being done with Kansas and Florida. As I've said before, if those states wish to pursue the mother, I may be forced to testify in their courts. Hopefully I can do this while staying put here in Oregon.
It's kind of funny. I got what I wanted and it was all very unceremonious. Just a letter in the mail notifying me of the judgment and that the mother is now required to pay child support. Fat chance of that happening. For a periodically homeless person who hasn't held a job on the books for almost ten years, I don't expect to receive payment from her at all. Perhaps she'll marry into some wealth? I think her criminal activities makes it unlikely that she will do things in the proper way.
Meanwhile, Nyhl and I are still working on cleaning up the mess his mother made in that short two month period. Therapy continues and looks to continue for some time. Because I'm also "a part of Nyhl's system" it was recommended that I receive therapy alongside him to strengthen our relationship. I've never cried so much as I did during that three week period when I was aware that the mother took Nyhl from me. It's peculiar being with a child therapist talking about this thing and the other. I expect good results.
Concerning the donations that I received: I never met my goal but thankfully it looks like I didn't need to. Looking back, it is astonishing that the events unraveled the way they did. It all happened so quickly. I thought for sure I was in for the long haul, but here it is not quite yet Thanksgiving. The mother's plans blew up before they really had a chance to take off. If she had been able to manage it, the task would have been very long and arduous for me. Had things not happened as they did, I would have easily needed my goal amount and then some. Fighting it out in courts, working with two separate lawyers certainly would drive lawyer fees up. As it was though, I did spend an awful lot of the money everyone contributed. It astonished me how much my Florida attorney used up for doing such menial and small tasks. Another money sink was the flight to Oklahoma (to get to Kansas) for myself, and the flights back for Nyhl and I. Those three tickets themselves were probably close to 30% of the entire donated funds! Of course legal footwork here in Oregon also depleted the funds. Not only that but GoFundMe took a small cut too.
There are some donation funds left. Not much, and certainly not enough to refund everyone and make it worthwhile. I promised to refund folks if there was anything left over when this finished. And while the legal work APPEARS to be finished my involvement with the other states does not. Regardless, I still intend to refund the biggest donors who contributed, even though it won't be much. Honestly, the amounts will be more or less arbitrary seeing as how I can't refund the full amounts and every donor paid a different amount. Some have suggested that I keep what's left for the pain and suffering his mother put us through. That's a nice thought, but I think I can give back to those who selflessly gave to me. It's only right.
If I send you a message on Facebook or by email, I'll ask you the best way to refund you. I use paypal and that would be easiest for me. But I will try to accommodate.
I'm not sure if I will continue with updates here, so look to Facebook if you want more updates. Again, thank you so very much for all your support. I could not have done it without all your help. The donations were THE THING that got the job done. Without that money I would not have been able to retain lawyers and reserve flights on a split second notice. It amazes me and makes me smile when communities come together to tackle problems. You made a lasting impact on a child's life. A real and visible impact, and it was because of your charitable actions. Thank you thank you thank you!
and Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I know mine will be!
P.S. sorry for the formatting. Facebook strips it out when it gets converted from GoFundMe.
Yesterday more papers were filed, the biggest one being the order to have the judge give a final approval on my child custody petition. Once done, I have to give the mother all the latest papers. And hopefully THEN all the legal footwork work is done.
But new stuff is coming to light about my son's ordeal with his mom. Yesterday he had a traumatic episode at school. He basically went into PTSD mode as described by his therapist. It could be that what Nyhl experienced is much worse than we realize. This is confusing because Nyhl seemed to be pretty candid about his experiences, sharing anything and everything. The more sessions we have with the therapist, the more I am realizing that its worse than we all thought. How worse? Hopefully not much more. I thought I had heard everything that transpired with him, but little tidbits creep out here and there that were unknown to me. Disturbing stuff. It's unbelievable and incomprehensible that his mother allowed this to happen. Just mind-bogglingly frustrating.
In other related news. The state police and DHS have interviewed my son and it's possible that my involvement with his mother is not quite over. It depends if the Kansas and Florida state governments wish to question me or document it. If so, I may not have washed my hands of this as soon as I would have liked.
From here, I have to serve the mother default papers. This is a little confusing, because the original petition says I "automatically win" if she doesn't respond. But I guess the government is covering all bases to let her know she defaulted.
I will learn more after another meeting with my lawyer. I imagine, I may need to use a process server again Florida. Again, as far as I can tell, the mother is still in jail and has not posted bail.
Hopefully I can wrap all of this up soon.
I am so happy for you both that it is finally over! And even better was the fact that you didn't have to go through the court system and have to deal with the other party gumming up the works. Congratulations Matt!
were u married? divorced? s your name on the birth cert? In other words, are you the legal father? Has custody previously been determined by a court?