Help us put a roof over our heads!
A little bit of back story, for all the new faces - my name is Steve, and my wife's name is Abby. I'm retired law enforcement, and for the last ten years have been living with debilitating cancer - Chronic lymphocytic leukemia. It's a little miracle I'm still alive and kicking, and a testament to a fighting spirit (Abby says) and the power of love.
You see, I don't just have cancer. I'm also missing my spleen, and have a rare blood disorder. The missing spleen was a last ditch, Hail Mary on the part of my doctors to save my life 7 years ago. I was on death's doorstep, after weeks in the hospital, and they said that it was my best option of surviving the night, after doing everything else they could to save me. They figured I had a 30% chance of surviving the operation - I probably wouldn't make it to the end of the week, if I survived the night.
Thankfully, I survived the night, and the week, but earned myself three new letters on my medical charts - I was then diagnosed with ITP, a rare complication of the leukemia. It's not one of those diseases you see, but it's one that changes how you live your entire life. When it's acting up (which is often) you're exhausted, and the slightest bump or cut can cause severe blood loss or internal hemorrhaging. I had to stop riding bikes, no more motorcycles, and have to be careful about bumping into things when my blood count numbers are low. There have been a few ER trips, but I refuse to give up fighting. I can't work - no company will hire me, I've tried - so I'm on disability for a few years until social security kicks in.
Now, all of this story would have been a bit of a nightmare on it's own, but when all of this was going on, I was also married to an extremely abusive woman. When I didn't die during the surgery, the verbal abuse escalated to physical abuse and then to her trying to smother me in the night. Looking back, I can see how horrible it all was, but for anyone who's ever been in that kind of situation, you know how hard it is to see it at the time. Eventually, my friend and neighbor, a Deputy Sheriff, called the police on her after she hit me so hard I started hemorrhaging internally on my abdomen. That was finally enough to get a temporary restraining order. Unfortunately, this woman had emptied my retirement accounts (I had been very successful in a previous lifetime - retired twice) so I was left with pennies and a disability check once a month. She even closed out bank accounts when she got out of jail. I lost my house and was left with growing medical bills along with maxed out credit cards.
It's one heck of a story, isn't it? If someone else told me all of this, I'm not sure I'd believe them either.
Thankfully, that wasn't the end for me. While I was struggling to find a way to just make it to the end of each day, alone and hated by a woman who was supposed to love me, I met Abby. I had escaped the house for a few hours to visit with an acquaintance, at his metal shop and gallery, and there she was. Abby had come by to drop off some paintings for an upcoming show at his gallery, and even though she said maybe two words, I knew I had know her better - paint covered jeans and all. What I didn't know at the time was that she had also just left an abusive relationship, and would be the person who'd help me recognize that I didn't deserve to be beaten and screamed at every day, and the person I'd lean on when I had to file restraining orders and divorce and bankruptcy paperwork. I also didn't know or expect that in the midst of cancer, abuse, divorce, and fear to discover the partner I'd always hoped to find.
We became, and still are, each others' support for all of the times when life throws more than you feel you feel you have the strength to handle. Even my doctors at Moffitt Cancer Center commented that Abby's strength and support during that time and the years to follow were a huge part in why I've made it as far as I have, and why they say that I'll likely get another 20 years of good living. Which is the best news of all, because now I have someone I love and who loves me to share it with. Someone who encourages my goals and dreams, and someone I want to encourage and support too.
However, despite what seems like a fairy tale ending, we still continue to struggle with the aftershocks of everything we've been through and the health issues I deal with. We both carry debt left behind from two failed marriages with abusive partners, and my rising medical bills. We down sized everything we possibly could, and cut back on as much as we could. We rarely go out to eat, we shop second hand, and we look for every way to became more frugal, Abby uses all of her creativity to come up with jewelry, art, and products for her website in the hopes that we can get ahead. As Abby's businesses grew, the little bit of extra income has slowly helped us get our heads above water.
In May, happily married and hopeful for the future, we discovered that we can't afford to keep renting the house we've been living in after they raised the rent and doubled the fees for utilities. We couldn't afford $500 extra a month - my disability was already stretched thin, and Abby was already working as hard as she could just to keep us above water. So, we took what little we've saved, and started looking for a house to buy. Because neither of us can leave Florida or the area we're in without losing our four children from prior marriages - children who are a huge part of our lives - we looked as far out in the country as we could go, where prices were lower.
As if by some miracle, Abby discovered a house that had just come back on the market just hours before finding it. A house in pretty rough condition, but livable. A foreclosure about to go to auction, a house the banks were desperate to get rid of because of how far away from everything it was. A house with enough space for all of our children, with enough land to make our dreams of a small, self-sustaining farm a reality. A house that would let us raise our children, give back to the rural community it's in, and finally give our hearts and dreams a permanent home. It took us years to save up what little we had, but this little miracle, this one we knew we could find a way to do.
Knowing all of that, and know we couldn't stay where we were, we jumped at this once in a lifetime chance. Abby put in 15 to 18 hour days to come up with the inspection and bank fees to start a mortgage. We couldn't afford much for a down payment and didn't qualify for many programs, but we held on to hope, and I worked on negotiating payment plans for medical bills and finding ways to get the house repaired. Most of the work we can and will do ourselves, but while the loan was approved, the inspection revealed some problems that need to be fixed as soon as possible. The only working A/C is a window unit in the master bedroom, and the roof has a leak that will rot the roof beams if we don't fix it. There are A/C units outside, and the house is set up for central air, but the units haven't worked in years. We figured we could pinch pennies to get the A/C units repaired, and a lot of phone calls later, we were right.
It wasn't until we started calling about the roof that the big surprise hit. We thought we had saved the needed money to repair the roof, but it turns out that we're so far out that the only companies that repair a roof charge many more times the average price. We've been calling companies for a month, and what should have been a $5,000 - $6,000 repair is going to be $25,000 - $35,000. We had already tightened our belts to make sure we had the funds for inspections, appraisals, some repairs, and the closing costs, and were heartbroken after spending a thousand dollars and jumping through hundreds of hoops just to get to this point only to learn that it wasn't enough.
We've refused to give up though. We've managed to come up with the money to close on the house, and the wiggle room in the budget to move, and a good start on the roof. But once we close, that's when the clock starts ticking. We've got to be out of the rental house as soon as possible because we can't afford more than one month of mortgage and rent at the same time, and we have to hope and pray that there's no hurricane that hits before we can save the extra money to repair the roof, so we can begin our life together in a place that is truly our home.
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We've been working and pinching pennies as much as we can, for as long as we can, and all of our friends have seen us find joy and love with each other, even when we're not sure we can make it to the end of the month. I've watched Abby work herself to exhaustion to make sure we make it to the end of the month, putting off her dreams to make sure that I was taken care of, that my health came first, and now I want to give something back to her - I want to make her dream of a home a reality. A home where she can get back to painting again, something she stopped doing because the things we've been through required that she stop. A home where she can work on her jewelry without worrying about having the space for tools, or needing to use the kitchen table to work. Where she can finally start her aquaponic garden so we don't have to worry about if we'll have money for groceries this month, and have enough after to give back to the community. A home where we can raise chickens for eggs, and grow fruit trees. Maybe even someday begin our own non-profit CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) to help neighbors have access to fresh, local food. It's a big dream, but we both believe it's possible. It will take years of hard work, but first, we have to get a roof over our heads.
100% of the money raised will go to repairing the roof on our Dream-in-the-Making Home, so we have a safe, dry place to live while we continue to work towards with our dreams of making beautiful things, building a loving home, and helping our community. Normally, I wouldn't have asked for help this way, but I've been watching Abby work herself to exhaustion every single day, sometimes to tears, and I want to do something to help. I want to help make her dreams a reality, like she made my dreams of being loved a reality.
And that's why I've started this GoFundMe. Many times it would have been much easier to have given up, and many times I thought about it. Even in the last few years, there were some dark times. But thanks to the strength of the love Abby and I have for each other, combined with the strength of the love and support we have from our friends and family, we are on the verge of taking the biggest step towards making our dreams of a home of our own a reality.
Will you help me, us, make those dreams a reality?
