Dropping the Baum, Losing the lbs.
Donation protected
I'm sure many of these requests begin with "I don't know how to ask this" or some similar worried phrase. I feel anxious now, this whole day as I've thought about it. I'm crying right now, even to admit I'm so anxious. I’ve been looking back at my old pictures, I was one hundred or more pounds smaller when I came to Joplin. I’ve said dozens of times that each new time I’d erected was “it,” and I was going to finally lose the weight and be healthy. I’ve even managed some pretty good losses in my time, but I come back more powerfully than ever to a new greater weight. I sit now at what I am going to guess (hope) is a few pounds under four hundred.
I don’t like to ask for things, I’ve taken a lot of criticism for a couple decades now for my stubborn desire to go it alone in my troubles. I like to research, I like to fight it out on my own. I like to find the cure all by myself. Its pride, its fear, its personality, and likely all in that order. I know it is a dreadful shortcoming. I’m sick-to-my-stomach intimidated right now. I had a full draft that I had spent on this, and another half draft, and now this. The path to send this out has been borne from setback and terror. I guess I can’t stall it anymore, though, so I’ll get right in and rip the band-aid.
I am morbidly obese. I’ve done the research, I am pre-diabetic, and I’ve got a slew of problems with my health that knock lightly (to sometimes more strongly) at the door to my life. I want to continue to keep this within myself, or a closer circle, but I know that I can no longer do this. I need to approach the stand and give witness to each of you my earnest needs. I cannot escape my weight. I have tried such a withering slew of tricks to convince my addiction to find some other sucker, but it will not leave my wretched and defeated body. In at least some way I have affected just about anyone who reads this, and I’m cashing in that equity.
Recently I posted on facebook that I admit to my morbid obesity. I admitted to the ineffectiveness of my attempts to solve the problem on my own. I now return to this post to tell you that I was holding back on that post, avoiding the reality that I need more than a new start. I am torn up by this. I am depressed by this. The fact I’ve been fighting for discipline for a decade over my body and so consistently lost has destroyed much of my confidence. I descend into days of self-loathing, self-hatred, self-deprecation, and general selfishness more and more often with each passing year. I do not believe this is exclusively the result of my poor health and girth, but rather that my poor health extends out of a jungle of painful thoughts and perspectives holled up in the fortress you likely have never seen. I need help, even if I can’t fill you completely in on why.
I had hoped that when Auberon was born, I’d get the call of fatherhood to lose weight to be healthier, for the benefit of his future, but in the almost 9 months since his birth I have only gained in weight and stress. I have done little to make genuine change, each time I attempt it seems insurmountable. Nothing has changed. Now instead of feeling the swelling of fatherly moxie at conquering this threat to the future of my child; I am left broken still further, feeling like apologizing to him every day at my inadequacy. I lost my father a few months before my marriage began. He was a healthy man until cancer came to ring the bells for him. I am an unhealthy man, driving myself further towards a similar fate, but with help I might be able to avoid my bells for a while longer. The sinking feeling of this has come upon me more times this year than I can count. Into this maelstrom came a simple phone game.
Pokemon GO.
I call it my “lifeline.” I do believe this in many ways, but I know it won’t last too long. I need to maximize the potential it provides me, and with your help, establish a new path towards seeing my son grow old and wise before I pass on. I have to do what I can to be there when my own father was unable, he didn't have a choice, but I do. I cannot let potentially preventable fates befall me. I need help. I turn to you, friend, family member, acquaintance, and even stranger to start me on my path. I began last week like many of the times I’ve tried to begin such things, completely alone. I had decided, alone, to pursue pokemon for my health. The game provides many immediate incentives to walking and moving in the outdoors and getting active. I intend to follow this as long as possible and piggy-back off of this game into a lifestyle change that dramatically redefines my health for the future.
My morbid obesity is, according to a few sources, at least 200 pounds away from potentially healthy. I am going to attempt to, through playing Pokemon GO (I understand the absurdity of even saying this) to lose 15 pounds by my son’s birthday on November 5th, and an additional 5 by years end. Then with that, lose 50 more pounds in 2017, and an additional 50 in 2018. This plan is where you come in. I have made this plan a hundred times it feels like, I have backed out a hundred times. I need help. Long-term, I need every single person I know and spend time with to be aware that I need to lose up to 200 pounds. Short term, I need some assistance.
I placed a number on the box it told me to put a number on, but the number is fluid. Any money you feel in your heart to give, or are able to give, would be carefully accounted for in specifically researched and planned purchasing for my personal health journey. I enter into a pact with you, reader (regardless of any money I might receive) that I will honor my word and be dedicated to the cause of losing these pounds and getting healthy in the time frame I have told you. I will let you know a few things, initially, that I feel I need as soon as possible, and cannot immediately pay for without a helping hand:
Shoes: I need specialty shoes, as I have an abnormal set of feet that require exceptionally wide (4E) bases. This is nearly impossible to find in running and cross training shoes at any store in person. New Balance is the one retailer I’ve used shoes like this effectively from and these will run about 120-150 every 6-8 months. I have only purchased flip-flops and flats for years now because of this issue. I have been making due with flats for this week, but my knees today have started hurting significantly and so has my back. My feet are bound to hurt of course, but arch support and proper cushioning/ventilation seems absolutely necessary if I plan to continue without hurting myself.
Knee Braces: I weigh shy of 400 pounds and my knees were bad at 180. They hurt when I stand right now. If I continue on in this, I need Knee braces.
These are the two things I immediately recognize as needed (assuredly there will be more things) but I do have quality of life hopes as well, that if I can get those other two things and any more, I would begin purchasing.
Idealshape: Shakes for the morning with a high protein count if I plan on exercising is pretty big on my list. I have atrophied much of my important operable muscle through a couple years of no consistent exercise. I am also a stay-at-home father whose small boy doesn’t share my desire for reason time to eat in the morning. I need to stop seeing Pop-Tarts as necessary items for breakfast and begin a similarly easy if less tasty and more expensive regimen. I’ve done significant research and this is the second best meal replacement shake on the market today and costs 48 a month where the first place shake costs 120 a month to maintain.
Headphones and other accessories to keep myself mobile: Pretty easy one here, I don’t have headphones or any thing to carry a phone or music player in. If I intend to spend as much time as possible moving for my health, I would love to make better use of that time with podcasts and music.
Clothes
Socks
Accessories or kitchen things for my needed lifestyle change with food
The one wild and crazy (beyond all my wildest dreams) thing? A bicycle. Bicycling is my favorite form of land exercise from childhood, but after I got to be over 250 pounds I was unable to purchase any bicycles at reasonable prices because my weight is no longer supported. Bicycles able to take my frame for consistent periods cost between 500 and 1200 dollars. Traveling to things around town, or especially to work on a bicycle is a dream fitness goal of mine. Travelling to pokestops and pokegyms for my fitness would be icing on the cake if both the icing and cake were made of platinum encrusted money piles. I obviously feel tremendously bad for even asking for help at all, but doubly bad for mentioning this on the list, but as long as I’m trying to sacrifice my pride to present myself in this way, I feel like I should try for hope in miracles as well.
All of this being said, I want to reiterate that even if no one is able to donate even a single dime, the greater goal of doing this is to break my unwillingness to depend of people around me for help. I know now, unquestionably and painfully, that the only way for me to see my son’s wedding or future beyond what my father saw of mine is to depend on each of you for far more than I do now. If I do not get help, I will not lose the weight, and I know beyond doubt that if I maintain my current weight it will kill me slowly as it already has begun to do. This is a pact with you, my word, that I am not going to let go of this one. If by the grace of God and your tremendous generosity I can get help with these things, it will more than any other thing, be additional glue that holds this plan together. It’s a bit of self-manipulation, but a lifetime of trying to avoid help from people will make it exceptionally difficult to get it and forget about it.
Please, pray for me. Please, encourage me when you see me making decisions that go against this plan. Please hold me accountable. Please accept my deepest gratitude for each one of you that engages this in any way to help me along my journey to end my obesity. I cannot cry enough, I cannot repay enough, I cannot thank you enough for what I’m sure many of you will do to help me in the future. I’m sorry this was so long, thank you so much for following it through. Thank you for caring for me.
Sincerely,
Matthew Baum, Pokemon Adventurer.
I don’t like to ask for things, I’ve taken a lot of criticism for a couple decades now for my stubborn desire to go it alone in my troubles. I like to research, I like to fight it out on my own. I like to find the cure all by myself. Its pride, its fear, its personality, and likely all in that order. I know it is a dreadful shortcoming. I’m sick-to-my-stomach intimidated right now. I had a full draft that I had spent on this, and another half draft, and now this. The path to send this out has been borne from setback and terror. I guess I can’t stall it anymore, though, so I’ll get right in and rip the band-aid.
I am morbidly obese. I’ve done the research, I am pre-diabetic, and I’ve got a slew of problems with my health that knock lightly (to sometimes more strongly) at the door to my life. I want to continue to keep this within myself, or a closer circle, but I know that I can no longer do this. I need to approach the stand and give witness to each of you my earnest needs. I cannot escape my weight. I have tried such a withering slew of tricks to convince my addiction to find some other sucker, but it will not leave my wretched and defeated body. In at least some way I have affected just about anyone who reads this, and I’m cashing in that equity.
Recently I posted on facebook that I admit to my morbid obesity. I admitted to the ineffectiveness of my attempts to solve the problem on my own. I now return to this post to tell you that I was holding back on that post, avoiding the reality that I need more than a new start. I am torn up by this. I am depressed by this. The fact I’ve been fighting for discipline for a decade over my body and so consistently lost has destroyed much of my confidence. I descend into days of self-loathing, self-hatred, self-deprecation, and general selfishness more and more often with each passing year. I do not believe this is exclusively the result of my poor health and girth, but rather that my poor health extends out of a jungle of painful thoughts and perspectives holled up in the fortress you likely have never seen. I need help, even if I can’t fill you completely in on why.
I had hoped that when Auberon was born, I’d get the call of fatherhood to lose weight to be healthier, for the benefit of his future, but in the almost 9 months since his birth I have only gained in weight and stress. I have done little to make genuine change, each time I attempt it seems insurmountable. Nothing has changed. Now instead of feeling the swelling of fatherly moxie at conquering this threat to the future of my child; I am left broken still further, feeling like apologizing to him every day at my inadequacy. I lost my father a few months before my marriage began. He was a healthy man until cancer came to ring the bells for him. I am an unhealthy man, driving myself further towards a similar fate, but with help I might be able to avoid my bells for a while longer. The sinking feeling of this has come upon me more times this year than I can count. Into this maelstrom came a simple phone game.
Pokemon GO.
I call it my “lifeline.” I do believe this in many ways, but I know it won’t last too long. I need to maximize the potential it provides me, and with your help, establish a new path towards seeing my son grow old and wise before I pass on. I have to do what I can to be there when my own father was unable, he didn't have a choice, but I do. I cannot let potentially preventable fates befall me. I need help. I turn to you, friend, family member, acquaintance, and even stranger to start me on my path. I began last week like many of the times I’ve tried to begin such things, completely alone. I had decided, alone, to pursue pokemon for my health. The game provides many immediate incentives to walking and moving in the outdoors and getting active. I intend to follow this as long as possible and piggy-back off of this game into a lifestyle change that dramatically redefines my health for the future.
My morbid obesity is, according to a few sources, at least 200 pounds away from potentially healthy. I am going to attempt to, through playing Pokemon GO (I understand the absurdity of even saying this) to lose 15 pounds by my son’s birthday on November 5th, and an additional 5 by years end. Then with that, lose 50 more pounds in 2017, and an additional 50 in 2018. This plan is where you come in. I have made this plan a hundred times it feels like, I have backed out a hundred times. I need help. Long-term, I need every single person I know and spend time with to be aware that I need to lose up to 200 pounds. Short term, I need some assistance.
I placed a number on the box it told me to put a number on, but the number is fluid. Any money you feel in your heart to give, or are able to give, would be carefully accounted for in specifically researched and planned purchasing for my personal health journey. I enter into a pact with you, reader (regardless of any money I might receive) that I will honor my word and be dedicated to the cause of losing these pounds and getting healthy in the time frame I have told you. I will let you know a few things, initially, that I feel I need as soon as possible, and cannot immediately pay for without a helping hand:
Shoes: I need specialty shoes, as I have an abnormal set of feet that require exceptionally wide (4E) bases. This is nearly impossible to find in running and cross training shoes at any store in person. New Balance is the one retailer I’ve used shoes like this effectively from and these will run about 120-150 every 6-8 months. I have only purchased flip-flops and flats for years now because of this issue. I have been making due with flats for this week, but my knees today have started hurting significantly and so has my back. My feet are bound to hurt of course, but arch support and proper cushioning/ventilation seems absolutely necessary if I plan to continue without hurting myself.
Knee Braces: I weigh shy of 400 pounds and my knees were bad at 180. They hurt when I stand right now. If I continue on in this, I need Knee braces.
These are the two things I immediately recognize as needed (assuredly there will be more things) but I do have quality of life hopes as well, that if I can get those other two things and any more, I would begin purchasing.
Idealshape: Shakes for the morning with a high protein count if I plan on exercising is pretty big on my list. I have atrophied much of my important operable muscle through a couple years of no consistent exercise. I am also a stay-at-home father whose small boy doesn’t share my desire for reason time to eat in the morning. I need to stop seeing Pop-Tarts as necessary items for breakfast and begin a similarly easy if less tasty and more expensive regimen. I’ve done significant research and this is the second best meal replacement shake on the market today and costs 48 a month where the first place shake costs 120 a month to maintain.
Headphones and other accessories to keep myself mobile: Pretty easy one here, I don’t have headphones or any thing to carry a phone or music player in. If I intend to spend as much time as possible moving for my health, I would love to make better use of that time with podcasts and music.
Clothes
Socks
Accessories or kitchen things for my needed lifestyle change with food
The one wild and crazy (beyond all my wildest dreams) thing? A bicycle. Bicycling is my favorite form of land exercise from childhood, but after I got to be over 250 pounds I was unable to purchase any bicycles at reasonable prices because my weight is no longer supported. Bicycles able to take my frame for consistent periods cost between 500 and 1200 dollars. Traveling to things around town, or especially to work on a bicycle is a dream fitness goal of mine. Travelling to pokestops and pokegyms for my fitness would be icing on the cake if both the icing and cake were made of platinum encrusted money piles. I obviously feel tremendously bad for even asking for help at all, but doubly bad for mentioning this on the list, but as long as I’m trying to sacrifice my pride to present myself in this way, I feel like I should try for hope in miracles as well.
All of this being said, I want to reiterate that even if no one is able to donate even a single dime, the greater goal of doing this is to break my unwillingness to depend of people around me for help. I know now, unquestionably and painfully, that the only way for me to see my son’s wedding or future beyond what my father saw of mine is to depend on each of you for far more than I do now. If I do not get help, I will not lose the weight, and I know beyond doubt that if I maintain my current weight it will kill me slowly as it already has begun to do. This is a pact with you, my word, that I am not going to let go of this one. If by the grace of God and your tremendous generosity I can get help with these things, it will more than any other thing, be additional glue that holds this plan together. It’s a bit of self-manipulation, but a lifetime of trying to avoid help from people will make it exceptionally difficult to get it and forget about it.
Please, pray for me. Please, encourage me when you see me making decisions that go against this plan. Please hold me accountable. Please accept my deepest gratitude for each one of you that engages this in any way to help me along my journey to end my obesity. I cannot cry enough, I cannot repay enough, I cannot thank you enough for what I’m sure many of you will do to help me in the future. I’m sorry this was so long, thank you so much for following it through. Thank you for caring for me.
Sincerely,
Matthew Baum, Pokemon Adventurer.
Organizer
Matthew Baum
Organizer
Joplin, MO
