Robot Werewolf

First off, thanks for even taking the time to read this. Because let's be honest - on the surface, this is kinda goofy. Not as goofy as the girl that tried to raise the money to buy NSYNC a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, but it's a lot closer to that than the people who need money to keep the hospital from repossessing their transplanted lungs or whatever. So thank you.

Here’s the pitch: we want a robot werewolf.

Yes, a robot werewolf is a thing. A totally cool, totally awesome thing. If a robot is a 4 and a werewolf is a 6, then a robot werewolf is, like, a kabillion. I mean, just LOOK at it.

We are a small theater company and each October we put on a huge Halloween show in Portland, Oregon, called FrightTown - and this year’s show is begging for a robot werewolf. Normally, we’d have the budget to get our robot werewolf groove on all by ourselves but this year, some very significant unexpected costs have put this out of our reach. We’re talking behind-the-scenes costs that could seriously mess with our in-front-of-the-scenes spectacle. But the show, as they say, must go on and FrightTown isn’t a normal show. It’s a collective of artists and creatives that create an immersive experience that just happens to be wrapped up in a "haunted house.” We do what we must. And we must do a robot werewolf.

Also, in case we’re being too oblique here, yes, “robot werewolf” is a metaphor.

Maybe you’ve heard about the explosive growth that’s been happening in Portland, but not all of it is good for creative small businesses like ours. Skyrocketing costs on rent, labor and materials are not only making it harder for us to produce the spectacle that we’re known for, but it’s also making it harder for FrightTown fans that don’t have a lot of disposable income to afford to come. We try to make our scrappy li’l spook show accessible and affordable. In the 12 years that we’ve been operating, we’ve only increased our ticket prices once. But if we just automatically raise ticket prices to try and cover our seemingly ever-increasing costs, then we just put ourselves further out of reach of lower and middle class families that deserve a happy Halloween as much as the next guy.

So we’re trying to lower our overhead. Here. By doing this. Codename: Robot Werewolf. We’re hoping that you’ll agree that what we do is worthwhile, that it gives back to the community in ways that we haven’t even touched on here, and that it’s worth pulling some change out of your couch cushions for. Think of “robot werewolf” as a grant, but instead of fighting over a dwindling puddle of taxpayer dollars with dozens of other community theaters, we’re coming straight to you; the folks that love Halloween and haunted houses and Portland and the arts and that enjoy life just a tiny bit more by knowing that you can order a giant freakin’ robot werewolf from a company in Santa Monica. Yes, life is that good.

The money we are asking for will cover the cost of the robot werewolf, the shipping to us, the alterations we want to make to it, plus padding for gofundme’s cut. (Did you know that the more you donate, the lower their cut is? It’s true. If you give $5 they take about 15% but if you give, say, $50 it’s more like 8%. Just a little crowdfunding trivia for you there. No pressure.) And the freedom that we’ll gain if the robot werewolf is off of our plate will allow us to do some other cool things. Like provide artistic opportunities for members of our community. And create an amazing experience so that thousands of people can celebrate Halloween with us.

Or maybe we’ll have enough bank left over to afford a sexy lady vampire robot, too. That would be so boss. Robot werewolves need love, too, you know.

Thanks again and Happy Halloween!