Loving Lydia
Donation protected
I want to write about my mother, Lydia, and me. Our story may not be extraordinary and maybe not even be worthy of being posted here for help, but my friends have encouraged me and I’m going to stick my neck out here and ask for the help we need.
My mother, Lydia, is one of the most generous and open-hearted people I’ve ever known. “How can I help?” has always been her approach to life and to everyone she meets, friends and strangers alike. She’s the kind of person who can create community anywhere. If you were lucky enough to be in line with her at the bank or post office, you would leave with a lighter heart and a sense of being special because that’s how my Mom would make you feel. And if she really liked you, you’d received a jar of Lydia’s Famous Heavenly Hot Fudge Sauce every winter holiday for the rest of your life.
When my father’s Alzheimer’s got too much for Mom to handle at home she visited him every day at the facility where he was cared for, 1/2 hour away, even when it was snowing and we begged her to take a day off, worried for her safety on the road. We used to tease her for ironing his underwear. She was just like that.
After Dad died, I brought Mom out to California, where I live. She’s been out here for 9 years and has declined in her own moderate dementia, but has remained happy and loving to all. I found her the perfect dog 6 years ago when she proclaimed “I need a dog. It’s a quality of life issue.” Sadly, her beloved dog, Sandy, died 2 1/2 months ago after being a loyal and loving companion all these years.
Recently she was hospitalized and has not been recovering. She is almost 88 years old and her body is tired. I now have her in my tiny rental in-law and am caring for her here. I know her wishes well, as we have spoken about this for years. We now have Hospice helping out and she is so peaceful in my home with the 2 cats, the dog, the beautiful people coming in and out, visiting family, the singing we are providing through my Threshold Choir sisters. She loves opening her eyes and seeing familiar faces, my face and others. We have beautiful, kind caregivers who are tending very lovingly to her. Her most frequently spoken words are “Thank you.” She is filling the house with love and light. It is a graceful dance of giving and receiving. There is so much receiving in the giving. And it is such an honor to give to someone who herself has been to generous to others over a lifetime.
I am a Hospice Nurse myself and have been doing this work for 25 years. It is the most beautiful, meaningful and rewarding work I can imagine doing, and I feel so blessed to have been able to do the work I love so much for so many years. However, for the first time I am finding it hard to work, because of the care needed for my mother, the fatigue I feel from being up with her during the night, but maybe mostly because I want so badly to be here with her in this sacred process as she moves toward the end of her life. I have accompanied hundreds and hundreds of people for so many years as they pass from life to death, and I want to be there with my dear mother as she and I are on this Threshold. I do not have benefits through my job so I have no sick time or paid time off. When I don’t work I don’t get paid. I’ve been off over a month and my little savings is just about hitting the bottom.
Someone told me about this site and I thought I’d give it a try, even though it feels a bit uncomfortable asking for help. I am also considering doing a benefit down the road a bit. But now I just want to be home with Mom.
If my story speaks to you, and you feel so moved, we’d so gratefully and humbly accept any help you can give so I can spend this precious time with Lydia, my Mom. If you don’t donate, your wishes for ease and comfort during this time will be so appreciated. Thank you, deeply.
My mother, Lydia, is one of the most generous and open-hearted people I’ve ever known. “How can I help?” has always been her approach to life and to everyone she meets, friends and strangers alike. She’s the kind of person who can create community anywhere. If you were lucky enough to be in line with her at the bank or post office, you would leave with a lighter heart and a sense of being special because that’s how my Mom would make you feel. And if she really liked you, you’d received a jar of Lydia’s Famous Heavenly Hot Fudge Sauce every winter holiday for the rest of your life.
When my father’s Alzheimer’s got too much for Mom to handle at home she visited him every day at the facility where he was cared for, 1/2 hour away, even when it was snowing and we begged her to take a day off, worried for her safety on the road. We used to tease her for ironing his underwear. She was just like that.
After Dad died, I brought Mom out to California, where I live. She’s been out here for 9 years and has declined in her own moderate dementia, but has remained happy and loving to all. I found her the perfect dog 6 years ago when she proclaimed “I need a dog. It’s a quality of life issue.” Sadly, her beloved dog, Sandy, died 2 1/2 months ago after being a loyal and loving companion all these years.
Recently she was hospitalized and has not been recovering. She is almost 88 years old and her body is tired. I now have her in my tiny rental in-law and am caring for her here. I know her wishes well, as we have spoken about this for years. We now have Hospice helping out and she is so peaceful in my home with the 2 cats, the dog, the beautiful people coming in and out, visiting family, the singing we are providing through my Threshold Choir sisters. She loves opening her eyes and seeing familiar faces, my face and others. We have beautiful, kind caregivers who are tending very lovingly to her. Her most frequently spoken words are “Thank you.” She is filling the house with love and light. It is a graceful dance of giving and receiving. There is so much receiving in the giving. And it is such an honor to give to someone who herself has been to generous to others over a lifetime.
I am a Hospice Nurse myself and have been doing this work for 25 years. It is the most beautiful, meaningful and rewarding work I can imagine doing, and I feel so blessed to have been able to do the work I love so much for so many years. However, for the first time I am finding it hard to work, because of the care needed for my mother, the fatigue I feel from being up with her during the night, but maybe mostly because I want so badly to be here with her in this sacred process as she moves toward the end of her life. I have accompanied hundreds and hundreds of people for so many years as they pass from life to death, and I want to be there with my dear mother as she and I are on this Threshold. I do not have benefits through my job so I have no sick time or paid time off. When I don’t work I don’t get paid. I’ve been off over a month and my little savings is just about hitting the bottom.
Someone told me about this site and I thought I’d give it a try, even though it feels a bit uncomfortable asking for help. I am also considering doing a benefit down the road a bit. But now I just want to be home with Mom.
If my story speaks to you, and you feel so moved, we’d so gratefully and humbly accept any help you can give so I can spend this precious time with Lydia, my Mom. If you don’t donate, your wishes for ease and comfort during this time will be so appreciated. Thank you, deeply.
Organizer
Helen Greenspan
Organizer
Oakland, CA
