Story of Abuse and Hope
Donation protected
STORY OF ABUSE AND HOPE:
In 2010, after eight years living under his relentless watch and being controlled in every aspect of my life, I finally left my abusive husband. I met my ex-husband in the studio of our University, when my teacher asked me to model for some of her students. After the shoot, he asked me to model for him for a project and we immediately hit it off.
I shared with him all my fears and dreams, thinking that he was the kindest, most gentle person I had ever met. I had no way of knowing that soon he would start using all my fears against me.
I worked full time to support him while he went to school and all the money I made went toward our bills and the cost of starting of our business. I had no idea he was sleeping with every woman that would fall for his flattery.
The abuse started subtly but escalated quickly.
If I did something that did not please him, he would verbally abuse me with degrading names, tell me I wasn’t educated, that I had no worth, and that no one would love me or want me. After hours of this, he would comfort me and tell me how he was here for me and would never let anyone hurt me. He would physically remove the cell phone from my hands so I would not be able to call anyone for help, then take my keys so I could not get back into the house if I left. I was unable to get these items back from him because they were on his person and his anger was so great that I feared being injured by him.
Sometimes he would be physically aggressive, breaking down doors to rooms I was hiding in, ripping off clothes and blankets, pushing me down so I “would just listen” to what he had to say, and forcing me to have sex.
His face would change from calm to monstrous in a flash and immediately I would make myself as small as possible, in the hopes that he would not hurt me.
During one episode, he took his gun out of the holster and shot a bullet into the ceiling, proving that no one would come to help me despite gun shots being fired within our apartment.
He loved his guns, carried one with him no matter where he was, and told me that he always shoots to kill. This scared me and I worried that he would kill me and hurt my family if I ever left him. After I left, my aunt told me that she was scared I would be sent home to her in a bodybag.
During our time together, he was diagnosed with a hormonal disorder that caused him to have a low testosterone level. The solution was to put him on a liquid testosterone replacement. I was supportive during his mood swings and tried to keep his spirits up in every way I thought possible but he was only satisfied with alcohol, sex, and drugs. After a couple of years into his treatment, I started noticing changes in my body. I was growing facial hair on my chin and on my lip.
It was devastating and I did everything I knew to hide this from everyone.
Years went by and the abuse got worse. He resorted to public humiliation to keep me in line, telling me he would post up on facebook that his wife had facial hair, and loved telling me how ugly I looked.
He reinforced this by telling me that no one would ever think I was beautiful. After I left him, it took me months to get my testosterone levels back to normal and years to save up enough money to get a laser hair removal treatment.
I don’t know how I let it get so bad.
I always thought I was a strong woman but knew I had insecurities left over from my parents emotional and drawn out divorce when I was a young child. Their fighting left scars on my heart and soul, making me feel like a small person, and he preyed on that. You could say I was stuck in a rut and didn’t know how to pull myself up. I spent three years trying to leave but was fearful of what I would be without him. Whenever I would talk about leaving, he would remind me that I had nothing because he owned fifty-one percent of our business and I didn’t have any money of my own.
I developed Stockholm syndrome after years of emotional and mental abuse. I gave everything so he could have it all, from working 80 hours a week so he could play Call of Duty/Modern Warfare for over twelve hours a day, to working on our business for 5 years without a salary. When I finally had enough courage to leave, I left with only what I could get into a uhaul while the local police protected me from him and his mother. I lost boxes of childhood memories, furniture, camera and studio equipment, my computer, and other various items. It was all worth it to get away from this man.
But before I left there was one more blow, three days before I left, I discovered out he had cheated on me for the eight years we were together. He had a number of affairs with women that did not know he was in a relationship, brought women to our apartment when I was working to pay our bills, slept with his mistress in our marital bed and in our car, and had sex with strangers at weddings that we were hired to photograph. I was lucky that he had not given me an STD and even more lucky that I had not gotten pregnant. It took me years to recover from this relationship.
I was suicidal, drank alcohol to dull my emotions, and didn’t know where I could call home.
The beginning of 2015 was the beginning of living my life to the fullest. I decided to finally move forward with putting into writing my story of abuse and how I left, in order to help other women that are in domestic abuse relationships.
I hope to inspire women to leave before it gets as bad or worse than my situation.
My goal is to develop a photo program to help rehabilitate women that have been abused and continue writing the book that was started this summer detailing the story of domestic abuse.
I hope to show abused women how beautiful they are and that life can go on.
The funds will go towards purchasing equipment for the program, developing an organization or program that cooperates with currect organizations to help survivors of abuse.
This equipment will be used for two projects:
-a photo series that highlights the fear and anxiety that is felt in an abusive relationship.
-developing a program for working with survivors of domestic abuse on both photo shoots donated to help "reveal how beautiful they truly are" and a rehabilitation program that teaches women how to use cameras as a way to learn how to see the world as a beautiful place.
The funds will also cover the cost of writing and publishing a book that uncovers the dramatic story of overcoming domestic abuse, developing a photo series to show the emotions behind the scenes in an abusive relationship, and help aid in promoting this project to raise awareness/help survivors.
Thank you for helping bring awareness to the world.
In 2010, after eight years living under his relentless watch and being controlled in every aspect of my life, I finally left my abusive husband. I met my ex-husband in the studio of our University, when my teacher asked me to model for some of her students. After the shoot, he asked me to model for him for a project and we immediately hit it off.
I shared with him all my fears and dreams, thinking that he was the kindest, most gentle person I had ever met. I had no way of knowing that soon he would start using all my fears against me.
I worked full time to support him while he went to school and all the money I made went toward our bills and the cost of starting of our business. I had no idea he was sleeping with every woman that would fall for his flattery.
The abuse started subtly but escalated quickly.
If I did something that did not please him, he would verbally abuse me with degrading names, tell me I wasn’t educated, that I had no worth, and that no one would love me or want me. After hours of this, he would comfort me and tell me how he was here for me and would never let anyone hurt me. He would physically remove the cell phone from my hands so I would not be able to call anyone for help, then take my keys so I could not get back into the house if I left. I was unable to get these items back from him because they were on his person and his anger was so great that I feared being injured by him.
Sometimes he would be physically aggressive, breaking down doors to rooms I was hiding in, ripping off clothes and blankets, pushing me down so I “would just listen” to what he had to say, and forcing me to have sex.
His face would change from calm to monstrous in a flash and immediately I would make myself as small as possible, in the hopes that he would not hurt me.
During one episode, he took his gun out of the holster and shot a bullet into the ceiling, proving that no one would come to help me despite gun shots being fired within our apartment.
He loved his guns, carried one with him no matter where he was, and told me that he always shoots to kill. This scared me and I worried that he would kill me and hurt my family if I ever left him. After I left, my aunt told me that she was scared I would be sent home to her in a bodybag.
During our time together, he was diagnosed with a hormonal disorder that caused him to have a low testosterone level. The solution was to put him on a liquid testosterone replacement. I was supportive during his mood swings and tried to keep his spirits up in every way I thought possible but he was only satisfied with alcohol, sex, and drugs. After a couple of years into his treatment, I started noticing changes in my body. I was growing facial hair on my chin and on my lip.
It was devastating and I did everything I knew to hide this from everyone.
Years went by and the abuse got worse. He resorted to public humiliation to keep me in line, telling me he would post up on facebook that his wife had facial hair, and loved telling me how ugly I looked.
He reinforced this by telling me that no one would ever think I was beautiful. After I left him, it took me months to get my testosterone levels back to normal and years to save up enough money to get a laser hair removal treatment.
I don’t know how I let it get so bad.
I always thought I was a strong woman but knew I had insecurities left over from my parents emotional and drawn out divorce when I was a young child. Their fighting left scars on my heart and soul, making me feel like a small person, and he preyed on that. You could say I was stuck in a rut and didn’t know how to pull myself up. I spent three years trying to leave but was fearful of what I would be without him. Whenever I would talk about leaving, he would remind me that I had nothing because he owned fifty-one percent of our business and I didn’t have any money of my own.
I developed Stockholm syndrome after years of emotional and mental abuse. I gave everything so he could have it all, from working 80 hours a week so he could play Call of Duty/Modern Warfare for over twelve hours a day, to working on our business for 5 years without a salary. When I finally had enough courage to leave, I left with only what I could get into a uhaul while the local police protected me from him and his mother. I lost boxes of childhood memories, furniture, camera and studio equipment, my computer, and other various items. It was all worth it to get away from this man.
But before I left there was one more blow, three days before I left, I discovered out he had cheated on me for the eight years we were together. He had a number of affairs with women that did not know he was in a relationship, brought women to our apartment when I was working to pay our bills, slept with his mistress in our marital bed and in our car, and had sex with strangers at weddings that we were hired to photograph. I was lucky that he had not given me an STD and even more lucky that I had not gotten pregnant. It took me years to recover from this relationship.
I was suicidal, drank alcohol to dull my emotions, and didn’t know where I could call home.
The beginning of 2015 was the beginning of living my life to the fullest. I decided to finally move forward with putting into writing my story of abuse and how I left, in order to help other women that are in domestic abuse relationships.
I hope to inspire women to leave before it gets as bad or worse than my situation.
My goal is to develop a photo program to help rehabilitate women that have been abused and continue writing the book that was started this summer detailing the story of domestic abuse.
I hope to show abused women how beautiful they are and that life can go on.
The funds will go towards purchasing equipment for the program, developing an organization or program that cooperates with currect organizations to help survivors of abuse.
This equipment will be used for two projects:
-a photo series that highlights the fear and anxiety that is felt in an abusive relationship.
-developing a program for working with survivors of domestic abuse on both photo shoots donated to help "reveal how beautiful they truly are" and a rehabilitation program that teaches women how to use cameras as a way to learn how to see the world as a beautiful place.
The funds will also cover the cost of writing and publishing a book that uncovers the dramatic story of overcoming domestic abuse, developing a photo series to show the emotions behind the scenes in an abusive relationship, and help aid in promoting this project to raise awareness/help survivors.
Thank you for helping bring awareness to the world.
Organizer
Katie Doner
Organizer
Los Angeles, CA
