Su's Medical Support

Hello! My name is Bo! I'm raising money to help support my partner of 12 years Su who was recently diagnosed with epilepsy. We love each other a lot. Here's our story.


I met Su 13 years ago. Our romance was filled with drama and intrigue, and a year after first meeting we were living together and have been a happy couple ever since. We're an awesome couple and I love us so much. We delight each other, challenge each other, and have so much fun together. We've blogged together since 2004 - first on LiveJournal, then Tumblr, and now on our own site LesBeehive . We do ridiculous, awesome, creative projects together, like do Halloween Dress-Up Photo Shoots. We have two cats - Maximus & Minou and we love fiercely. We go thrift shopping and spend hours organizing our massive amount of clothing and putting together adorable outfits. We dress up for no real reason other than that it's fun and makes us happy. We constantly compliment each other's bods and hair. I've never doubted our love in 13 years, not once. Our love is a wonder.


Su is a magnificent woman. She's a strong, intelligent, resourceful person who is dedicated to constantly bettering herself while also caring for the people she loves. The person she loves most is me, and she has filled my life with joy and comfort. I'm a very lucky woman.


Su and I have a delightful, cozy life together. We have struggles, and not a lot of money, but we're very happy. Su struggles with mental illness, and I suffer anxiety. We both have had troublesome relationships with our strict Christian families since we came out, and have learned to build our own family with each other and trusted friends. When Su and I first became a couple I was leaving a physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive relationship, and Su has helped me build the strength and confidence to work through that abuse and know that I am an amazing woman deserving of love. During our years together I have become independent and assured, and I believe I've helped Su become more trusting that the world is a good place filled with kind, generous people. Our love has transformed our lives, separately and as a couple, and I'm so grateful that I have this love.


On January 4th Su had a grand mal seizure. We were at home, preparing for bed, and she sat down on the couch and looked dazed. I asked her what was wrong, and she fell to her side and fell into the seizure. It was the most terrifying sight and sound. She looked like she was in an indescribable amount of pain. I had no experience with seizures, so I had no idea what was happening. After the seizure ended and she went still, I thought she was dead. I had already called 911, but when I thought she had died, I ran into the hallway of our apartment building and screamed for help. A neighbour came and told me what was happening, and Su was lucid by the time the ambulance arrived. She was taken to the hospital where she had another seizure and spent the day under observation.

I can't describe exactly how it feels to see your partner lying prone, face blue, eyes unfocused, mouth slack. I was positive she was dead, and all I remember thinking is, "I am alone." I've always known this as a concept - that my life is tied to Su's and without her I'm not me, but to experience it, to know exactly how I would feel if I was without her, it's terrifying and overwhelming. She's a part of me. Our connection is strong and magical and beautiful, it's surreal to know that I have the knowledge of how I would feel if I lost her.


Over the month of January Su underwent tests to see what caused the seizure. They found no cause and her neurologist told her that it may have been a one-off, and might not happen again. 

On May 14th and May 20th Su had two more grand mal seizures. She started medication for the seizures on May 21st, but had another in her sleep on June 12th.  The seizures are still big and scary, but not as long as the first, so she hasn't had to be hospitalized since. She has banged herself up though, bruises from falling before I could catch her, sores on her tongue and lip from biting them during the seizures, burst capillaries around her eyes from her tensing as she seizes, and sore neck and shoulders from the seizures and the stress caused by having them. She has been officially diagnosed with epilepsy and will be on anti-seizure medication for the rest of her life.

She's so brave and independent though. Su works a very physical job, gathering and sorting clothing and toiletry donations for street people, along with another job choosing clothing for a thrift boutique that specializes in providing stylish, designer clothing for lower-income women. The company she works for depends on her because she works very hard, is willing to do gruelling work, and is very knowledgeable about clothing labels and what's currently in style.


Su refuses to quit work, even though the job demands a lot of her physical and emotional energy. She depends on the routine to help her mental health, and feels she would be letting down her very kind boss if she worked less. I've convinced her to work a little less, but this has affected our already very stretched budget.

I work from home, and am usually able to help supplement our income. However, now that Su is sick, I have become a full-time caretaker. Our agreement for her to continue working is that I do pretty much everything else. She works, comes home, rests. I make the meals, budget the finances, keep the house, schedule her medical appointments, keep track of her medication, run the errands, etc. Usually these are tasks we share, but I'm either too frightened to let Su get too tired, or too frightened to let Su do something potentially dangerous, like cook on a hot stove or carry heavy groceries home on a warm day.

Su still helps when she can. Our home life is a shared life, it always has been, so she still does more than she probably should. I know that she's perfectly capable, but I also know that, until she has gone awhile without having seizures, I'll worry. I worry about her doing too much. I worry about leaving her alone. I worry about her having a seizure when I'm not there (I've been there all 4 times). I worry constantly. I'm already very anxious, but this has heightened my anxiety to a frightening level.

Since the first seizure, and especially since the last 3 happening so close together, I've had flashbacks to the actual seizures. When they're happening I handle them very well. I've taught myself what to do, I stay calm, I take care of Su when she comes out of it. That part is ok. The part that I'm struggling with is the anticipation of another, preparing for another, and the terrible flashbacks to how Su looks and sounds when she has a seizure. It's unbearable to see the person you love more than anyone else look and sound like her body is killing her. I know it's not. Logically I know she'll be ok, and they only last a couple minutes. But stress and fear remove all logic. I am a bundle of nerves, constantly sure that my Lady is about to have a seizure.


We are doing many things to improve our lives and stress levels. I do yoga every day. Su is seeing a therapist and I'm on the wait-list for one. We meditate. We eat well. I cook scrumptious vegan meals from scratch. We exercise. We take time for ourselves. We go for walks and pet cats. We do fun domestic and creative projects. We rest. In spite of all the stress and fear, we still make sure our life together is as fun and comforting and pretty as it always has been. 


We have researched epilepsy endlessly, and spoken with others who have similar experiences. We are working on seizure-proofing the house so Su is safer when she's home without me. We have a trusted network of friends who check on Su when we're apart, spend time with us together and separately, listen, offer safe spaces to unwind, cook for us, distract us, entertain us, help financially as much as they can, and remind us that we're doing great.


We are doing great. We take such great care of each other, and are learning to take care of ourselves as well as we do each other. We're communicating openly and with respect for our own needs, and each others. I'm very proud of us. This is a hugely stressful time, and we're not forgetting to love each other through it, and not getting lost inside our own fears, remembering that we're each suffering our own unique fears, and that this is very new and we need time to adjust.


Here's what we need.

We need financial help. Su and I have never lived on much. We've sacrificed a life with money for a life together and we don't regret this decision at all. We're very resourceful and budget-conscious. We pride ourselves on making do without much support. However, we realize now that we need to reach out and trust others. We need help.

Since neither Su or I can work as much as usual, and because we already don't make a lot of money, we're starting to get behind on some necessary expenses. Examples: I need glasses; Su needs contacts. We need household items. We have no extra money for leisure. We've never been on a vacation together. We are still trying to keep LesBeehive  running, but it's becoming difficult to work on running a business that requires a lot of focus and a little extra cash. Our budget covers food and bills and that's it. It's not enough right now, and it's already a strain for me to budget everything, the added stress makes it nearly impossible for me to put together a budget without crying.

So what we're asking is for help to get us caught up on some medical and household expenses, help keeping our site running, and help to do things to make our lives less stressful and more fun, to remind us that our life is not just stress and worry.

Any amount will help, and all donations will be used responsibly. I'm incapable of being irresponsible with money. Your donation will help us feel safer and better able to focus on Su's health, as well as my own. 

Thank you so much for reading our story. Please feel free to share or contact me personally if you can offer help in another way.