Headstone for baby ethan

Hello my name is Emma my heart is thumping writing this.ive seen these being so powerful across Facebook I thought I may try.i tell you a little about my story.in 2007 I fell pregnant to my 2nd child.at 16weeks I had a scan that showed I was having another boy looked like he clapped his hands as I'm filling up with joy the nurse says oh there seems to be something floating.panic is setting in,what is it i said.dont worrie the nurse said may be his insides are floating around but can easily be operated on when he's born but we'll get a second opinion.half an hour later I have another scan after half an hour I got hit with even worse news.he has a hernia and his insides are in the hernia.thinking to myself that's not to bad hernias are always operable.then tells me he has one arterie not 2 and he may have Edwards syndrome downs syndrome or this other type.that didn't other me in the slightest either way I'd love him.then to be told that if he did manage to survive the birth he'd die by the age of 2.my heart dropped I felt sick I wanted to run away.i was all alone with these doctors telling me by baby would die either way.after a few hours I decided to put him to rest and not to go through all the pain of operations and to live such a short life of pain and discomfort to let him go at 2 yrs old.i had to go back few days later and be induced 6 hours later I felt this little baby near my leg took the nurse 10mins which seemed a life time to come and cut his cord.all I was thinking was breath move little man.never did.she later brought me my son in a bed pan coverd in a cotton blanket inside was my beautiful boy he had finger nails tiny toes at 17 weeks he was asleep to scared to touch him he was so small.i removed his blanket to see him fully and there was the hernia it was as big as his head poor boy.i new maybe I did the right thing.to this day now I wish I gave him that chance of life and I'll always regret it.weeks later we had a small funeral for him his little white coffin in the middle of me in the limo. After some lovely works and service from the vicker they lowered my little boy in to his final resting place.i couldn't handle this taking my baby away for the last time I was only 19 the pain was unbearable parents shouldn't have to loose a child no matter their age.later when the ground had settled we put his cross in all they put on there was his name ethan James Lee. Nothing else like he didn't matter because he didn't breath.i went to find out how much a headstone would cost 19yrs old single mum I just couldn't afford it neither could his dad.having 2 more children now all healthy and doing well.always checking at night their still breathing anxiety and worrie that it'll happen again.one is in comp other two in primary school theirs always trips clothes dinner money etc so I've never managed to save for a headstone.march the 8th 2017 will be his 10th birthday from the day he was born.i would love to be able to place a stone above him reading ethan James Lee born asleep son to Emma brother to callum ryan and logan you are missed everyday my you rip.along them lines anyway.maybe a teddy bear one.even if you can't donate maybe share this anyway to show other mums that their not alone when dealing with such sadness.thank you very much for taking the time to read this all my love xxxxxx