Help Me Live My Childhood Dream

This is my story:

When I think back on my life I always realise that my ONLY "happy" memories are *NSYNC related. I have NO happy family/friends/vacation etc memories. Contrary to popular belief, I didn't have a happy/spoiled childhood. It was a VERY lonely, isolated, friendless childhood. I was painfully shy, awkward & quiet. My life consisted of getting up , going to school and being plopped in front of the tv afterwards. I've always had a love/hate relationship with school. The though of it makes me roll my eyes and cringe.

I'm one of those people the attaches themselvesto things when they are sad or lonely. And my thing was *NSYNC. By the time they came into my life we had moved and I knew absolutely no one and I was also about to graduate and a new school on which I also didn't know anyone. To too it off, my brother who was a decade older than me but the only one I grew up with had moved out so I pretty much grew up as an only child. *NSYNC became my everything. And note that "everything" is actually an understatement.

If it said "*NSYNC," had their pictures etc I HAD TO have it. No questions. No BS. If I couldn't have a book or a magazine I made copies. (Little did I know at the time that thy were that thy for NOTHING from the obnoxious amount their then-record label did. (If you told me they were on a box of tampons, I wouldn't be surprised.) It was perfect timing. My brother left and I gained 6 brothers (the group as a whole and each member individually)

They were my only friends.

I got through 5th, 6th, 7th (puberty) and 8th grade solely because of them. By the time Ingot to high school (which was pure hell) they were no more. I envy the Europeans that had them for longer than us. I know all this sounds ridiculous but when you grow up the way I did you seek comfort in whatever or whomever you find. I wasn't like the other kids at the time (or now for that matter) partying, drinking ad popping out babies. My life literally consisted of up for schoo , at school, then home. Repeat next day. My summers consisted of being home all day plugged to the TV or having my nose in books. I went to DR like once every 4 to 5 years and it consisted of the same damn thing except with added heat , boringness and mosquitoes.

I admit frakked up in school and I sincerely didn't give a frak. I had nothing and no one so what was really the point? I admit I did t really follow them much after the " hiatus," NO ONE in high school knew I liked them because I never talked about them. At all. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't a fan, that I never liked them. They did tons of non *NSYNC related stuff and not once did I consider. Going to shows, concerts, events etc. not once. Partly because when they went on " hiatus" although they called it that and as much as I didn't want to admit it deep down inside I knew it was DONE. They abandoned me so why should I fangirl, promote & support them? I was a good kid as soon as they were done I became "impossible" (according to my Mataji. Mind you compared to my school mates and neighbors I was a saint)

So life moved on, eventually I started looking into it again and started listening to them again etc but the feeling wasn't there. The happiness wasn't there. It was an empty kind of fangirling. Until the 2013 VMAs, I had no idea they were going to do it since we'll I wasn't following the fandom. Had I known I would of tried to go. Truthfully. Even if it was all of 30 seconds. Although let's be honest I most likely couldn't have gone just like all the shows 10+ years ago.

I cannot stand Justin so I saw no need in watching the VMAs especially since he was getting such a big and uncalled for award. Not to mention I hadn't kept up with mtv or the VMAs since the "hiatus" (can you blame me?) so I completely forgot it until I got bored and started flipping channels. Thankfully I had JUST landed on Justin's performance and missed Miley. Phew! All I thought was " if this dude doesn't have the guys there I'm going to be so pissed" and he did. But of course, by the time I realized what was going on it was over. Like the rest of the fandom i got way too excited afterwards and than I became enraged.

All or nothing man, all or nothing.

They came back to me (well technically) at the most perfect time because just 8 months later my mother passed away.

There's pretty much no chance they will get back together even for one album/reunion tour but JC (my favourite) is doing a one time performance here in August and I really really really really want to go. I never go anywhere or do anything fun or have anyone to talk to/hang with and since there's no *NSYNC and no chance of JC doing another solo album why not go to this SOLE performance? My mother passed away this April and I have little money to be able to afford a ticket, during this time the only thing getting me through it is this happy memory from my childhood. I hold on to it because although it was so long ago, in my difficult times it was the only thing that brought me comfort.

If there is any other information you'd like please ask.