My Robot Butler Took Me Hostage!
Donation protected
My robot butler has taken me hostage. Please help me pay his ransom demand of $3,000.
Gyro is a prototype, buggy but generally dependable, EXTREMELY strong. We got along great until Sunday night, when he went haywire and taped me to a massage chair in my man cave.
Gyro and I used to do everything together. He compiled data on singles in my area, tested dollar menu items for harmful bacteria, took my selfies and shaved my back, handled all my Casual Encounters correspondence.
Any monies received will go toward negotiating my release.
Who knows what Gyro thinks he's going to do with three grand. He probably overheard me talking about another $3000 that I owe this other guy (unrelated) and got to thinking, hey I wouldn't mind some of that. But I'm not made of $3,000 bundles. Aside from my (ex) robot butler I live a very simple life.
UPDATE:
Thank you to everyone for all your support. In light of your continued interest in my plight I have put together an FAQ.
1. How are you communicating if you are lashed to a massage chair?
At this point I have broken free of the duct tape but I am still barricaded in the man cave which is located in the basement of my residence.
2. Is the massage chair on?
Sometimes.
3. That's so cool you have a man cave!
I know, right :)
4. What are you doing for food/water/etc?
There's a mini-fridge in the man cave and I found some camping supplies in the closet.
5. I see you've raised $5. Is that enough?
Gyro has indicated that $5 is not enough.
6. Do you accept bitcoin?
Unfortunately not.
7. You mentioned owing someone else $3,000. What's the story behind that?
Gyro overheard me discussing a private financial matter and chose to take advantage of my emotional vulnerability. First he threatened to blackmail me using data stolen and uploaded from my personal computer--keystrokes, search history and social media profile bounce times--and when I expressed disbelief over his capacity to pull off such a stunt he grew angry and tied me to the massage chair.
8. Is this a network wide issue?
As far as I know the domestic robot rebellion is contained to my man cave.
9. Do you offer any rewards for contributing?
No. While I shall be forever in your debt, I will not be indebted to you in any way.
10. You're an idiot.
If given the chance to go back I would certainly do things a bit differently. I've always been a very trusting and lazy person, which has gotten me into trouble before.
11. Why did you give your robot butler the cognitive capacity to commit these crimes?
In order for Gyro to safely perform relatively complex household tasks he required a certain level of functionality. I have since come to recognize the dangers of his intellectual abilities all too well.
12. Why $3,000?
Again, I am pretty sure Gyro chose this figure after overhearing me discussing a PRIVATE financial matter on the telephone. Sensing my desperation he pinned me to the massage chair, cranked the cushion heaters and "Advanced Rolf" setting and then taped my wrists and ankles.
Gyro is a prototype, buggy but generally dependable, EXTREMELY strong. We got along great until Sunday night, when he went haywire and taped me to a massage chair in my man cave.
Gyro and I used to do everything together. He compiled data on singles in my area, tested dollar menu items for harmful bacteria, took my selfies and shaved my back, handled all my Casual Encounters correspondence.
Any monies received will go toward negotiating my release.
Who knows what Gyro thinks he's going to do with three grand. He probably overheard me talking about another $3000 that I owe this other guy (unrelated) and got to thinking, hey I wouldn't mind some of that. But I'm not made of $3,000 bundles. Aside from my (ex) robot butler I live a very simple life.
UPDATE:
Thank you to everyone for all your support. In light of your continued interest in my plight I have put together an FAQ.
1. How are you communicating if you are lashed to a massage chair?
At this point I have broken free of the duct tape but I am still barricaded in the man cave which is located in the basement of my residence.
2. Is the massage chair on?
Sometimes.
3. That's so cool you have a man cave!
I know, right :)
4. What are you doing for food/water/etc?
There's a mini-fridge in the man cave and I found some camping supplies in the closet.
5. I see you've raised $5. Is that enough?
Gyro has indicated that $5 is not enough.
6. Do you accept bitcoin?
Unfortunately not.
7. You mentioned owing someone else $3,000. What's the story behind that?
Gyro overheard me discussing a private financial matter and chose to take advantage of my emotional vulnerability. First he threatened to blackmail me using data stolen and uploaded from my personal computer--keystrokes, search history and social media profile bounce times--and when I expressed disbelief over his capacity to pull off such a stunt he grew angry and tied me to the massage chair.
8. Is this a network wide issue?
As far as I know the domestic robot rebellion is contained to my man cave.
9. Do you offer any rewards for contributing?
No. While I shall be forever in your debt, I will not be indebted to you in any way.
10. You're an idiot.
If given the chance to go back I would certainly do things a bit differently. I've always been a very trusting and lazy person, which has gotten me into trouble before.
11. Why did you give your robot butler the cognitive capacity to commit these crimes?
In order for Gyro to safely perform relatively complex household tasks he required a certain level of functionality. I have since come to recognize the dangers of his intellectual abilities all too well.
12. Why $3,000?
Again, I am pretty sure Gyro chose this figure after overhearing me discussing a PRIVATE financial matter on the telephone. Sensing my desperation he pinned me to the massage chair, cranked the cushion heaters and "Advanced Rolf" setting and then taped my wrists and ankles.
Organizer
Mike McGrath
Organizer
Hampton, NH
