Restoring Love After War

War took my husband away, then refused to return him.  Yes, eventually he came home.  He was alive physically, but emotionally he was lost.  I wanted, I needed the ARMY to give me back my husband.  I didn't care how they did it; I just knew this change was never going to be acceptable.   They kept telling me there was nothing they could do.  We were now living with combat trauma/PTSD.  We were now a statistic of the WAR. 

I don't like being a statistic.  I was given other statistics about failed marriages and suicides after war.  I was determined WE would not become another statistic.  If we had to be a statistic, it had to be a positive one.  In order for that to happen, I had to accept my husband and what he was going through.  I had to accept that our vow "for better or for worse", may consist of more worse than better.  I had to learn to love him again even though he wasn't the same man I married.  I had to find a way to break through his emotional barriers and let him trust me again.   He may not trust anyone else, but I needed him and he needed to trust me.  I needed to be his safe place.   But I too was broken, I was tired and I didn't know how to fight anymore.  

In my journey, I began to run.  I ran to get away from him at first and he knew it.  He resented it.  Don't get me wrong, I still loved my OLD husband, I just didn't like the new one.   I wasn't going to leave him because I had committed to a life with him, yet my heart had a hole.   One day, I ordered a pair of boots.  I was going to start running to bring awareness to PTSD but I was still running away from him.  Sometime after I started lacing up my boots, my heart began to change.   I began to connect with his pain.  My anger turned to pity, which didn't help because pity is not what he wanted.   Then my pity turned to pride, he was sacrificing his life for his country.    My prided turned to determination.  I was determined to accept and love him fully just where he was, not who he was in the past.  I would no longer feel like the victim.  I was the wife of a solider and we were dealt a crappy hand, but we ARE still a TEAM!  Since my change of heart,  he has joined me in the fight for PTSD and supports my endeavors.   We are united in finding our place in this world while we live with the effects of war.  We are united as husband and wife in fighting for our marriage and each other!!!

Through these trials, we met Jason and Dina Henry.  They shared with us their vision to open a Bed & Breakfast retreat for battle weary veterans and their equally weary spouses, so they could learn to re-communicate and re-establish their families.   Battle Flag Ranch was founded (on paper anyway) The 501(c)3 tax-exempt application was received and is undergoing processing by the IRS. It is currently in a "pending status". In the meantime, they didn't want to lose momentum so they are working with the organization "A Work Of Life" WWW.AWORKOFLIFE.COM and they are collecting all donated funds for us to give our donors TAX EXEMPTION!

Dina and I will be participating in the 25th anniversary of the BATAAN MEMORIAL DEATH MARCH!!! To raise money for Battle Flag Ranch www.battleflagranch.com

 "The Bataan Memorial Death March is a challenging march (26.2 miles) through the high desert terrain of White Sands Missile Range, conducted in honor of the heroic service members who defended the Philippine Islands during World War II, sacrificing their freedom, health and, in many cases, their very lives." www.bataanmarch.com

I attempted Bataan last year, and was unable to finish the march. I am going back determined to finish because I care about ALL of our military and the battles they face with PTSD.    Aaron and I stand with Dina and Jason as they are determined to build this retreat to allow other soldiers the opportunity to heal and restore family!