Mission Trip to Belize

I hate change. I hate the process of stopping something that has become so comfortable for me and starting something new. I love getting comfortable, sticking to a routine and feeling useful.

My life decisions have portrayed this about myself from very early on. For example;  I loved hanging out with the same people over and over again because that's where I was most comfortable. I also based my everyday life around a certain routine and hated when something changed. I simply just loved my routines.

I have been going to school (and will go back) to obtain my teaching license so I can pursue that as my future career. One of the main things that attracted me to teaching was that my day would consist of a routine. I like the idea of perfecting something and performing to my best ability. I like the idea of getting comfortable in something and staying in that safety zone. Messing up or not knowing how to do something is a real, true fear of mine.

This is how God has made me and this is who I am.

Why the heck am I  going to Belize then?

I ask myself this daily. Life on missions   is constant change. One day I will be so confident that I am exactly where God wants me and the next I will be full of doubt and questions as to why I'm even here. I will feel whole, complete and adequate one day and the next feel partial, broken and insufficient.

If God made me this way, why did he call me to this trip?

God is bigger than any question I have and any doubt that I feel. God has been transforming my heart in more ways than I could write. He has shown me that feeling broken is an okay feeling. Feeling broken has let God slip in and mend the cracks back up. Through Him, I am whole. Through Him, I am complete. And through Him, I am more than adequate.

In order to have ever felt this brokeness, I needed a change in my life. I needed to stop grasping so tightly to all my comforts and needed to cling onto the Lord with everything I had. My friend sent me a message before I left for the  my Burma/Thailand trip summer 2015 and it said, "I look at the "comfort zone" as a danger zone. You can't grow as a human being just living a "normal" life." Living my life as I had, was actually dangerous to my spiritual walk with the Lord. I was filling myself up with things other than the Lord and not allowing Him to transform my heart to how He has created me to be.

Yes, this journey is still going to be hard. Yes, there will be times of frustration and doubt but I know I am right where God wants me to be. When I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I gave my life to Him. To mold me, to shape me and transform me into His image. This is one of the many reasons why I'm on this adventure with the Lord.


Although change is hard, the reward is so much better. Thank you Jesus for blessing me in more ways than I will ever deserve.

"We have this hope as an anchor for our soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain." ~Hebrews 6:19