Make a Mental Health Miracle!

What can I say that might touch your hearts and convince you to open your wallets to someone you may never know? How do I open up and begin to share our very personal and painful experiences in this oh-so-public forum? There are so many people out there with struggles far worse than ours that it is difficult for me to ask you to give your money to us, but we need a miracle! If our story does touch your heart, then I would ask for your prayers even more than any dollar amount you might so generously give. God works through His angels and my prayer is that you can be ours. Five years ago, my youngest child was sexually assaulted by a stranger--picked off the street on the way home from school; she told no one and kept it hidden for three years. During that time we watched her spiral into a dark, black hole of depression, anxiety, isolation, despair, self-loathing, self-harm, and suicidal ideation….but we didn’t know why this was happening. The doctors we worked with would ask us about trauma often since it looked like classic PTSD symptoms, but we had no answers. Finally, after about a year of therapy, she opened up to me about what she calls “that one thing.” The trauma that has changed everything.  She also began questioning her gender identity about this same time.  This continues to be difficult for all of us, but we are trying to find a way to navigate this new territory together. Allen (Shay as many of you have known him) has realized that he identifies as a boy and we are doing our best to respect his choices and to show our unconditional love for each other.  I, personally, do not necessarily believe this is something that needs to be fixed. Like with many teenagers, identity will be something that comes with time and growth. My ultimate wish for my child is for health, happiness, and healing.   We have tried to find help for Allen to heal. We have placed him in therapy and on medication to ease his symptoms but everything we do only adds drops to the bucket. Despite our prayers and many, many efforts, he remains isolated, barely eats; resists any attempts to join in with family, turning to the internet for friendship and community; he hates school and has panic attacks in the crowded hallways, where students routinely make 'rape jokes'.  He is now 15 and I see him struggling with his identity and place in the world, which is normal for the age but also made so much more difficult by these mental health issues. I want him to be happy, to thrive, to excel—to understand how much he is loved and needed in this world. Because we want these things for our child, but seem to be failing to find a way to deliver, we began researching residential treatment centers. We are lucky enough to be from Southern Utah where we have several amazing programs that specialize in helping children just like ours. We have found one that will be a great fit and allow him to heal, build confidence, learn skills and regain the control of his life that was lost on that day five years ago. The cost of this treatment center is very expensive and we do not make the kind of money it takes to cover this despite having double insurance coverage, in fact, insurance will not cover one dime. We are looking into a 2nd mortgage and other loan options, but your support will be invaluable to us as we work to find a way out of the darkness that has enveloped our child’s life for so long. I have watched friends of mine struggle with physical health issues for themselves or their loved ones. I have seen the community rally around them and hold fundraisers or benefits. I don’t begrudge them that wonderful support for a moment, but for some unfathomable reason, things seem to be different when it comes to mental illness. Why is that, I wonder?  I believe my child can be healed! It is my hope that by breaking through that darkness and asking for your help, we can find the same kind of compassion and hope that conquers illness of all kinds. The treatment is out there–right now it is beyond our reach but I pray it won’t be for long. Thank you for reading our story! I hope that you will stay in touch and follow our progress as we begin this healing journey.