I am tired now as my adrenaline and strength are leaving me and recovery day approaches. Don't fear, I swung from the Chandelier (Sia reference. Look up the lyrics. It's my POV when with loved ones.
I must sleep as i promised I would but must get this message out to more people than i have strength to text and those that have been my hands when I feel are finally tending to themselves (and each other, we can't help it by now, at least, not so far.
As the sun rises over the beloved golf course that PG's bedroom and deck overlook that I published somewhere (Here? Flickr? I will ensure it gets here, and /or a better one.) I can't bear to pen Facebook until after I sleep because of THE FEELZ. As a dear friend likes to say.
Because EXHAUSTED and CHANGED, am compelled to share this message with all of you so far and in the future because my hands are failing me and I still must share the sentiment. Forgive the poor writing, I am rushing this before sleep because I failed my personal goal of a total of $20k to blow Our Flowers mind again for when I gave their too honest eyes (each just like their Dad, until just before the end. I think. "casino time" as we call it means I have to compile all my communications (and those by the few TRUSTED "Sestras") to create a timberline of this blur of a 50-ish days.
When next I (hopefully) site next, I will have woken up and recovered as quickly as humanly possible in order to write more update in the hopes of finding a tiny smile tomorrow. Thank you for my outburst of emotion. You have been so excruciatingly vulnerable, an infinite number of you that I honor that by bearing my wounds for you. For *my kids' * benefit. I need our three sons to know they can still rely on me.
I am finally going to sleep and happily I don't know for how long, just that I have promised it will be Long Enough before I seek out my new daughter-figures and assess them since Chooch will be asleep and Kim is already starting (I pray) her healing by having gotten up before 5:30am to begin doing her routine to start healing.
Our new family, here at home with now Kim and Chooch and I (The remaining of our Pigtail Brigade, now down, one impossibly but peacefully gone.
Everyone, even their pets (more about them later) , are all at peace and each said they accepted that it was time for PG to stop fighting so exhaustively and test for just a tiny second. Type names and words and love I continued to share all after I believe he was no longer able to hear us.
I can't wait to share with the world the part you played in this as I have already frantically been outlyning the first cathartic outlets fire folks in a way that benefits the kids and estate.
Just as FUCKING FAST as my weak body will let me.
Because PG showed me how far your heart and soul and blood and *spirit* can carry you after your body fails you, from vigor with some fatigue to deceased in a month (not a precise timberline. My mind is cracking after my body is finally able to rest.).
I will never be able to express how long and excruciating a month can be when you heal 23 years, one month and 18-ish ddays of self-abuse because of feeling I had failed my mother since her first occurrence of breast cancer.
I may be airline predicting it but I feel light where I only felt dark size then. Tangential, I know. Sorry.
So much love to you, as part of an lesion or army or whatever i can think of later, that got to win. WE FUCKED CANCER.
PG resolved everything I knew and was possible allowed to have that closure.
Humbly... Thank you. Especially to those I have