Please help me survive my family
Donation protected
*PLEASE READ UPDATES*
OVERVIEW
I am in a very difficult and dangerous spot right now where I am being forced to move in with my violent, homophobic, ignorant, toxic family and I'm incredibly scared for my safety and already ready to leave.
I was extremely scared for my life while living with my family especially of my father but I managed to move 80 miles away in October 2012 but circumstances have led me to begin the process of moving out while also leaving rent arrears.
My family is unaware that I don't share their religious views, unaware that I am bisexual and that I have friends of all ethnicities, religious views, genders and sexual orientations. If they knew any of this, my life would be at risk. I cannot take the chance of being around them and them discovering any of this. I've already had to destroy plenty of personal belongings that would be too risky to take with me back into the family home, some of them very cherished.
If you're feeling generous, please do donate anything you can spare at the aforementioned link to aid me in finding a new place of my own or clearing my rent arrears in order to allow me to stay in here, away from my family.
Thank you and have a nice day
----------------------------------------------------------------
For me, this fund-raiser could be the difference between life and death, between being forced to live a lie where I never feel safe again simply for the way I was born and being able to be independent of those who threaten my future and life. For you, it could mean parting with even £1/$1 to help out someone in desperate need.
WHO I AM
It's not my real name, which I've kept off this page for my own safety* but my screen name is Kandosii Jetii.
Things many people can take for granted have never come so easily to me and in most cases, haven't come at all; a loving and support network of family and friends, the opportunity to pursue my dreams, happiness, the ability to live my life without fear and judgement based on my sexual orientation, race and mental health.
I was born in the Midlands in England. A nice place, I always thought it was a wonderful, vibrant city but because of my family I couldn't wait to get out. I was born to a violent, hateful family. The kind of people who thought it was OK to mercilessly beat and berate me on a daily basis, demonstrate absolutely no love towards me, make me believe I'm a burden of a child who deserved pain and made me want to die when I barely even knew what that meant. My earliest memory is being intentionally locked out in the back garden from the age of 4 so I wouldn't disturb my dad while he was watching the evening news. They found a perfect victim in their son who was already cripplingly shy and had no friends. In 2002. the one time I managed to contact somebody who could help , I was forced by my extended family (whose care I was under temporarily) to lie to the authorities and say I was making up stories for attention. All this under the threat of more violence or a lot worse. I was returned to my vengeful father and enraged brother.
The entire time this was going on, my family maintained the image of being a peaceful, devoutly Muslim family just trying to teach their unruly son the values of Islam. I was sent to mosque classes for 2 hours everyday after school and I'd be forced to memorise Quran passages whenever I didn't have school homework This may just sound like parents sharing their religion with their son but I got to see what others didn't and what still goes on daily in the community I face returning to. Their borderline radical approach to the religion made them intolerant of anybody who didn't share their ethic heritage or religion. Homophobic, anti-Semitic and racist comments were par for the course and endorsing the "cleansing" of the parts of the world that didn't share their faith was part of the everyday conversation. It's more than safe to say I didn't share their views. I internally questioned Islam at a young age and started considering myself agnostic. Having seen their attitude towards other apostates and attitude towards my clinical depression, the years of painful physical and psychological abuse at the hands of my father's narcissistic personality my life would be at risk if I ever admitted to this. I feared being made homeless at the very least so I knew I had to keep my religious beliefs and sexual orientation to myself.
My family despised apostates and non-Muslims in every way possible and at times made it their quest to destroy them. But when it came to LGBT individuals, they were even more bigoted and malicious. Hearing my dad either deny they existed, endorse their murder or call them horrifying names terrified me. It wasn't hard to draw a link between hearing your own borderline radical Muslim dad call for all of the LGBT community to be killed and the horror stories in the news of young people around the world coming out to their Muslim family about their religion or sexuality only to turn up dead later, be publicly outed and lynched or have their entire life irrevocably ruined. When you're a lonely agnostic teenager questioning your identity and discovering you're bisexual, those links were all too real.
WHERE I AM NOW
Having all these things on my mind 24/7 was tough and the depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, attempts to run away from home and loneliness can't be surprising. When I got the chance to go to university elsewhere in the UK, I jumped at it and I moved away specifically because of the serious concerns I had for my safety due to the possibility of my family finding out about me being agnostic and bisexual. I'd seen enough to know that I wasn't safe around them if they found out either of those things and the life I had there wasn't a happy or comfortable one in the least.
I went on to university, studied a course I truly loved and felt a lot better. Years of being in an abusive home had taken its toll and I wasn't exactly mentally stable but I was a lot happier. I had escaped them physically but they still had power over me and acted on it when my dad outright stole from me. Struggling financially, my health and studies suffered and just a short time later I went on to fail my first year at university and be on the verge of suicide. No longer eligible for the financial aid from Student Finance England that kept me going for the year, I had to raise enough money for rent, bills and food to keep me in the house I share with three friends and struggling students 'till I could find a job. Relying on scarce savings, loans, benefits and kind donations I made it far enough to get a full-time job.
On my birthday earlier this year, I decided I would end my life and cut the world a break, making it a better place by getting rid of somebody too mentally defective to be of any use to it. Instead I ended up in hospital where it was recommended my anti-depressants prescription be changed to experiment with new medication and it was suggested I be prescribed sleeping aids and was also told I am in desperate need of counselling and therapy relating to the lifelong violent abuse I suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to care for me.
Shortly after this event, my tenancy came to an end at the house I shared with 3 students and having spent the last of my money on back-rent owed to the landlord, I was unable to find a place to live untill my paycheques piled up long enough to secure a deposit, rent and enough to live on. This took the majority of the summer which I spent living in the care of an invaluably compassionate couple who were kind enough to temporarily house me as long as they could via an important local charity that had been providing mentorship and emotional support. After this I was able to move into the NW flat I'm currently living in.
I was dealt another blow when I was dismissed from my job recently. This action was somewhat anticipated in the week prior and I made no effort to keep from my employer my mental health issues and their deficiencies and legal lapses in dealing with these issues. Feeling the decision to end my employment was unjustified and potentially illegal, I unsuccessfully appealed the decision through the employers official channels.
WHY I'M HERE
I am now faced with another so far unsuccessful job-hunt and unsure period where I am struggling all while exploring my options on being able to get justice from my former employer through legal channels or by going public against the employer already going through a sustained period of mismanagement and justified public scrutiny for unrelated issues.
If I am unable to raise the fundraising amount, I would be forced to move in with my family again and owe considerable amounts of money in rent arrears for a property I can no longer afford to live in.
All I ask is that I don't have to choose between living on the streets, living with a group of people who seem determined to make my life hell or succumbing to my depression and baggage. Literally any penny that could be spared would be helpful right now. My options dwindled a long time ago and now I'm doing my best to stay positive but a kind word or two when I have nobody or any tiny amount you could spare would be a major help.
WHERE WILL DONATIONS GO?
100% of the money will go towards the cost of living for the forseeable future including rent payments (inc. those in arrears), council tax, food, utility bills, a much needed heater to fight the cold and also travel, clothing and printing costs related to job-hunting/interviews. If enough is raised efforts will also be made to repay any outstanding bank fees and the small amount of rent due to the couple who housed me over the summer.
These costs cannot be covered by the UK benefits system due to the employment dismissal for a period of 13 weeks after dismissal, which by the JSA's ruling would not be till early 2015.
Any donation, big or small will be useful and appreciated. Please do share this page with anybody who may be able to help or spread the link.
Thank you.
* Should I not achieve the goals set out here, I will have no issues coming forward with my identity and revealing the details I've kept hidden to protect myself. It will already be too late. Conversely, if I was succesful in escaping my familys clutches, revealing my identity would not pose a significant threat as long as my whereabouts remained hidden.
OVERVIEW
I am in a very difficult and dangerous spot right now where I am being forced to move in with my violent, homophobic, ignorant, toxic family and I'm incredibly scared for my safety and already ready to leave.
I was extremely scared for my life while living with my family especially of my father but I managed to move 80 miles away in October 2012 but circumstances have led me to begin the process of moving out while also leaving rent arrears.
My family is unaware that I don't share their religious views, unaware that I am bisexual and that I have friends of all ethnicities, religious views, genders and sexual orientations. If they knew any of this, my life would be at risk. I cannot take the chance of being around them and them discovering any of this. I've already had to destroy plenty of personal belongings that would be too risky to take with me back into the family home, some of them very cherished.
If you're feeling generous, please do donate anything you can spare at the aforementioned link to aid me in finding a new place of my own or clearing my rent arrears in order to allow me to stay in here, away from my family.
Thank you and have a nice day
----------------------------------------------------------------
For me, this fund-raiser could be the difference between life and death, between being forced to live a lie where I never feel safe again simply for the way I was born and being able to be independent of those who threaten my future and life. For you, it could mean parting with even £1/$1 to help out someone in desperate need.
WHO I AM
It's not my real name, which I've kept off this page for my own safety* but my screen name is Kandosii Jetii.
Things many people can take for granted have never come so easily to me and in most cases, haven't come at all; a loving and support network of family and friends, the opportunity to pursue my dreams, happiness, the ability to live my life without fear and judgement based on my sexual orientation, race and mental health.
I was born in the Midlands in England. A nice place, I always thought it was a wonderful, vibrant city but because of my family I couldn't wait to get out. I was born to a violent, hateful family. The kind of people who thought it was OK to mercilessly beat and berate me on a daily basis, demonstrate absolutely no love towards me, make me believe I'm a burden of a child who deserved pain and made me want to die when I barely even knew what that meant. My earliest memory is being intentionally locked out in the back garden from the age of 4 so I wouldn't disturb my dad while he was watching the evening news. They found a perfect victim in their son who was already cripplingly shy and had no friends. In 2002. the one time I managed to contact somebody who could help , I was forced by my extended family (whose care I was under temporarily) to lie to the authorities and say I was making up stories for attention. All this under the threat of more violence or a lot worse. I was returned to my vengeful father and enraged brother.
The entire time this was going on, my family maintained the image of being a peaceful, devoutly Muslim family just trying to teach their unruly son the values of Islam. I was sent to mosque classes for 2 hours everyday after school and I'd be forced to memorise Quran passages whenever I didn't have school homework This may just sound like parents sharing their religion with their son but I got to see what others didn't and what still goes on daily in the community I face returning to. Their borderline radical approach to the religion made them intolerant of anybody who didn't share their ethic heritage or religion. Homophobic, anti-Semitic and racist comments were par for the course and endorsing the "cleansing" of the parts of the world that didn't share their faith was part of the everyday conversation. It's more than safe to say I didn't share their views. I internally questioned Islam at a young age and started considering myself agnostic. Having seen their attitude towards other apostates and attitude towards my clinical depression, the years of painful physical and psychological abuse at the hands of my father's narcissistic personality my life would be at risk if I ever admitted to this. I feared being made homeless at the very least so I knew I had to keep my religious beliefs and sexual orientation to myself.
My family despised apostates and non-Muslims in every way possible and at times made it their quest to destroy them. But when it came to LGBT individuals, they were even more bigoted and malicious. Hearing my dad either deny they existed, endorse their murder or call them horrifying names terrified me. It wasn't hard to draw a link between hearing your own borderline radical Muslim dad call for all of the LGBT community to be killed and the horror stories in the news of young people around the world coming out to their Muslim family about their religion or sexuality only to turn up dead later, be publicly outed and lynched or have their entire life irrevocably ruined. When you're a lonely agnostic teenager questioning your identity and discovering you're bisexual, those links were all too real.
WHERE I AM NOW
Having all these things on my mind 24/7 was tough and the depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, attempts to run away from home and loneliness can't be surprising. When I got the chance to go to university elsewhere in the UK, I jumped at it and I moved away specifically because of the serious concerns I had for my safety due to the possibility of my family finding out about me being agnostic and bisexual. I'd seen enough to know that I wasn't safe around them if they found out either of those things and the life I had there wasn't a happy or comfortable one in the least.
I went on to university, studied a course I truly loved and felt a lot better. Years of being in an abusive home had taken its toll and I wasn't exactly mentally stable but I was a lot happier. I had escaped them physically but they still had power over me and acted on it when my dad outright stole from me. Struggling financially, my health and studies suffered and just a short time later I went on to fail my first year at university and be on the verge of suicide. No longer eligible for the financial aid from Student Finance England that kept me going for the year, I had to raise enough money for rent, bills and food to keep me in the house I share with three friends and struggling students 'till I could find a job. Relying on scarce savings, loans, benefits and kind donations I made it far enough to get a full-time job.
On my birthday earlier this year, I decided I would end my life and cut the world a break, making it a better place by getting rid of somebody too mentally defective to be of any use to it. Instead I ended up in hospital where it was recommended my anti-depressants prescription be changed to experiment with new medication and it was suggested I be prescribed sleeping aids and was also told I am in desperate need of counselling and therapy relating to the lifelong violent abuse I suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to care for me.
Shortly after this event, my tenancy came to an end at the house I shared with 3 students and having spent the last of my money on back-rent owed to the landlord, I was unable to find a place to live untill my paycheques piled up long enough to secure a deposit, rent and enough to live on. This took the majority of the summer which I spent living in the care of an invaluably compassionate couple who were kind enough to temporarily house me as long as they could via an important local charity that had been providing mentorship and emotional support. After this I was able to move into the NW flat I'm currently living in.
I was dealt another blow when I was dismissed from my job recently. This action was somewhat anticipated in the week prior and I made no effort to keep from my employer my mental health issues and their deficiencies and legal lapses in dealing with these issues. Feeling the decision to end my employment was unjustified and potentially illegal, I unsuccessfully appealed the decision through the employers official channels.
WHY I'M HERE
I am now faced with another so far unsuccessful job-hunt and unsure period where I am struggling all while exploring my options on being able to get justice from my former employer through legal channels or by going public against the employer already going through a sustained period of mismanagement and justified public scrutiny for unrelated issues.
If I am unable to raise the fundraising amount, I would be forced to move in with my family again and owe considerable amounts of money in rent arrears for a property I can no longer afford to live in.
All I ask is that I don't have to choose between living on the streets, living with a group of people who seem determined to make my life hell or succumbing to my depression and baggage. Literally any penny that could be spared would be helpful right now. My options dwindled a long time ago and now I'm doing my best to stay positive but a kind word or two when I have nobody or any tiny amount you could spare would be a major help.
WHERE WILL DONATIONS GO?
100% of the money will go towards the cost of living for the forseeable future including rent payments (inc. those in arrears), council tax, food, utility bills, a much needed heater to fight the cold and also travel, clothing and printing costs related to job-hunting/interviews. If enough is raised efforts will also be made to repay any outstanding bank fees and the small amount of rent due to the couple who housed me over the summer.
These costs cannot be covered by the UK benefits system due to the employment dismissal for a period of 13 weeks after dismissal, which by the JSA's ruling would not be till early 2015.
Any donation, big or small will be useful and appreciated. Please do share this page with anybody who may be able to help or spread the link.
Thank you.
* Should I not achieve the goals set out here, I will have no issues coming forward with my identity and revealing the details I've kept hidden to protect myself. It will already be too late. Conversely, if I was succesful in escaping my familys clutches, revealing my identity would not pose a significant threat as long as my whereabouts remained hidden.
Organizer
Kandosii Jetii
Organizer
