Laptop for words
Donation protected
You ever see those people sat n Starbucks with their macbook air and their latte and their iphones and perfect fucking hair and lives and I dunno probably a yacht or something? Fuckers.
I want to be one of those people.
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I started writing about a year ago, apparently I'm good, I could earn money - hell, I AM earning money, motherfuckers! £7.57 so far. Rock on.
Thing is, I'm so skint I can barely afford eggs these days and all I've got to help me write are a big ol' desktop and a couple of plants (which aren't directly helpful but they generate oxygen, and honestly I don't think we give plants enough credit here). Fun tho it is sitting alone in a well lit and suitably oxygenated attic, I can't help thinking it would be SUPER FUN to maybe make use of other location options, such as the lounge, or even a cafe - as long as it boasts adequate oxygen levels and I'm not tricked into buying eggs.
So if you could, I'd like a bit of help towards a laptop.
Not an Macbook Air thingy because let's face it, I'm never going to be that person. If I still can't afford eggs in my 30s then I'm never going to be someone with poncy posh things like perfect hair or clothes that button up properly.
No, a shit laptop that will run Chrome and LibreOffice. I can get one for just over £100 second hand. I would really, really, really like one, and if you help me get one I shall give in return the only thing I have to give - WORDS.
The deal is 100 words per £1. For each £1 you donate I'll write 100 words on a topic and style of yor choosing. Only please donate more than £1 because 100 words will be a nightmare to write....
Once you've donated, either leave a comment or email me (phil dot hoggart at gmail dot com) with your story request.
BOOBY PRIZE
If some poor, lost soul feels fit to donate more than £50 than you will also get - FREE OF CHARGE - my ancient Asus eeepc 1001 mini laptop. This is what I tried to use in the cafe today but after 15 minutes I was escorted off the premises for uncouth language. It has a definite tech-hipster charm to it, boasts an ultra-lightweight linux OS and generates an unsettling and distracting 'clickclickclick' sound when then fan starts up. IT CAN BE YOURS!
The unfortunate donor who collects this prize will ALSO get an extra free TRUE story about the time I bought it, which - no word of a lie - reads a bit like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
EXCITING TIMES LIE IN WAIT FOR ALL.
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WHY YOU SHOULD DONATE
Are you kidding me? There's no reason to donate, this is absurd and ridiculous and really, honestly honestly truly, there are so many people out there who need your money more than I do. Possibly you are one of them. Definitely the good people at Treatment Action Campaign (http://www.tac.org.za/), Motor Neurone Disease Association (http://www.mndassociation.org/) or Mind (http://www.mind.org.uk) certainly need your money more than I need a knacky old super-portable laptop.
BUT - if you do want to help me out, that would be brilliant and you will earn my gratitude and possibly a humorous story about baleen whales.
At any rate - I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope if nothing else that you had a laugh reading it. Laptop or latte or no, have a good day, and remember to thank a plant.
I want to be one of those people.
---
I started writing about a year ago, apparently I'm good, I could earn money - hell, I AM earning money, motherfuckers! £7.57 so far. Rock on.
Thing is, I'm so skint I can barely afford eggs these days and all I've got to help me write are a big ol' desktop and a couple of plants (which aren't directly helpful but they generate oxygen, and honestly I don't think we give plants enough credit here). Fun tho it is sitting alone in a well lit and suitably oxygenated attic, I can't help thinking it would be SUPER FUN to maybe make use of other location options, such as the lounge, or even a cafe - as long as it boasts adequate oxygen levels and I'm not tricked into buying eggs.
So if you could, I'd like a bit of help towards a laptop.
Not an Macbook Air thingy because let's face it, I'm never going to be that person. If I still can't afford eggs in my 30s then I'm never going to be someone with poncy posh things like perfect hair or clothes that button up properly.
No, a shit laptop that will run Chrome and LibreOffice. I can get one for just over £100 second hand. I would really, really, really like one, and if you help me get one I shall give in return the only thing I have to give - WORDS.
The deal is 100 words per £1. For each £1 you donate I'll write 100 words on a topic and style of yor choosing. Only please donate more than £1 because 100 words will be a nightmare to write....
Once you've donated, either leave a comment or email me (phil dot hoggart at gmail dot com) with your story request.
BOOBY PRIZE
If some poor, lost soul feels fit to donate more than £50 than you will also get - FREE OF CHARGE - my ancient Asus eeepc 1001 mini laptop. This is what I tried to use in the cafe today but after 15 minutes I was escorted off the premises for uncouth language. It has a definite tech-hipster charm to it, boasts an ultra-lightweight linux OS and generates an unsettling and distracting 'clickclickclick' sound when then fan starts up. IT CAN BE YOURS!
The unfortunate donor who collects this prize will ALSO get an extra free TRUE story about the time I bought it, which - no word of a lie - reads a bit like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
EXCITING TIMES LIE IN WAIT FOR ALL.
---
WHY YOU SHOULD DONATE
Are you kidding me? There's no reason to donate, this is absurd and ridiculous and really, honestly honestly truly, there are so many people out there who need your money more than I do. Possibly you are one of them. Definitely the good people at Treatment Action Campaign (http://www.tac.org.za/), Motor Neurone Disease Association (http://www.mndassociation.org/) or Mind (http://www.mind.org.uk) certainly need your money more than I need a knacky old super-portable laptop.
BUT - if you do want to help me out, that would be brilliant and you will earn my gratitude and possibly a humorous story about baleen whales.
At any rate - I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope if nothing else that you had a laugh reading it. Laptop or latte or no, have a good day, and remember to thank a plant.
Organizer
Phil Hoggart
Organizer
